LThis is in the context of first getting to know someone or for newer relationships.

Neediness is perhaps the most universally unattractive quality for both men and women. Sometimes, we can confuse being vulnerable and honest with our emotions, when in fact we’re displaying neediness and desperation.

Attraction in the real world doesn’t work like it does in romantic comedies, where undying devotion and over the top progressions of love are what it takes to win someone’s heart. In fact the opposite is true, especially if we don’t know the other person very well.

When we meet someone that we like, the biggest mistake is to fantasize and project romantic fantasies onto that person. It allows us to have a skewed, unrealistic view of reality. We may feel they is a deep connection, when on the other side they don’t feel anything.

When someone goes cold—they aren’t responsive, their answers are shorter, they are unreliable with keeping plans, etc—they do not have enough interest to keep you at the forefront of their mind.

When we like someone and feel them slipping away, the first instinct is to try everything in our power to hold onto the relationship. But this is the incorrect course of action, and often makes things worse.

Part of this often involves a “confession” of emotions, or trying to logically convince someone of a connection between the two of you that they don’t feel.

While on the surface this seems reasonable last-ditch effort to establish an emotional connection, it has disastrous results, and pushes them away further. This is because these type of vomiting of emotions isn’t vulnerable or bold, it’s needy. It is essentially asking for their sympathy and trying to guilt them into giving you a chance, because you have these unrealistic, deep emotions for them. This makes people feel cornered and uncomfortable, especially if it’s a new relationship.

Almost always, they will do the polite thing and say they don’t feel the same way, but would like to be friends. When in reality, they want to phase out the interaction altogether, and hope the other person will get the hint.

If you feel like something is going well with someone, but they suddenly go cold, they either are having second thoughts about you, or their attraction has waned. This isn’t the time to spill your guts. Hang back.

If they cancel plans, respond in polite, concise manner, like it doesn’t bother you. As it shouldn’t. The ball is in their court now. Let it be.

You don’t want to waste your time trying to get others to like you. Respect your own time and value as a person. People who truly are interested and want to spend time with you will make the time, no matter if they’re busy.