"Squeaky, stay still so I can kill you!"

The giant purple furred hamster dodged another empty bottle, shattering against the wall with supernatural force. Squeaky usually wasn't too athletic, but it knew a life and death situation when it saw one.

"Wait, Mrs. Yamada, please listen! I had no choice!"

Junko Yamada, formerly Princess Protector Sapphire many years prior, ignored the creature's pathetic begging. Maybe next time it would consider the consequences of its actions, before roping another twelve year old girl into fighting some world ending disaster. If it lived through the next ten minutes, anyway.

"Mom, no! Squeaky is my friend!"

Jumping between her mother and the cowering hamster, Mimi Yamada (name in magical identity presently unknown) spread her arms out defensively. Junko froze mid-air, moments before impact.

"Mimi, honey," Junko said delicately, "just give Mommy a second here, okay? Me and Mr. Squeaky just have some important, grown up matters to discuss."

Belatedly, Junko lowered her fist, though only an inch or two, as her feet touched down once more on the living room carpet. Most of the furniture had been upturned by now, but Squeaky was running out of hiding spots. And it looked like the little bastard was quite aware of this, from how it timidly peeked out from behind Mimi's leg.

"Please, Mrs. Yamada," Squeaky said, voice quivering, "I swear, if there were any other option—I wouldn't have risked upsetting you of all people like this!"

That was a lot more believable than Junko wanted to admit. Pathetically, openly self-serving? Of course. Way too honest? Perhaps. But Junko had known Squeaky long enough to be certain it was too terrified to lie right now.

"That's ridiculous," Junko insisted, though she had a sinking feeling that "ridiculous" and magical girls often went hand in hand. "You told me yourself, any daughter of a magical girl can use the Staff! Why did it have to be Mimi?"

"Well... yes," Squeaky admitted, nodding along nervously. "It's just, um, well you see—"

Junko raised up a foot threateningly, dangling it right over Squeaky's head.

"Just spit it out already, you damn rodent!"

"Mimi is the only one!" Squeaky cried out, waving its tiny paws frantically. "There aren't any other daughters the right age! ...Or at all, really."

"Eh?"

This was enough to give Junko pause, if only from the unexpected angle. She didn't lower her foot, not quite ready to back down nor follow through. It wouldn't hurt to at least hear Squeaky out, she supposed.

"There's no way that's true," Junko said, a little less confident than she wished she could be. "There were dozens of magical girls my age alone—I met most of them, over the years. There must be at least a hundred old enough to be raising children, if not more! How could Mimi possibly be the only one?"

Squeaky cautiously backed away from Junko's foot, coming around to the other side of Mimi's leg. The girl in question looked nearly as nervous as Squeaky, eyes darting between her mother and her strange magical companion.

"Um... Mom?" Mimi said, at last finding her voice now that Squeaky's life didn't seem in immediate danger. "H-How many of your former teammates would you say are, um... married?"

"Huh?" Junko's head raised up from the floor, carelessly stomping down where Squeaky had been standing just moments prior. "At least a few? Yuyu and Kimiko were basically together from the start, and then Reina ended up with that other girl from—Oh... oh no."

Panic starting to set in, Junko mentally reviewed every magical girl she had ever met in any setting more casual than imminent doom. One of them had to have a husband, right? Any of them...?

"There, there, Mom," Mimi patted her shoulder awkwardly. "It's okay, I know you love Daddy a whole lot. There's nothing wrong with liking men!"

Trying not to curse her entire generation of magical girls, Junko took several deep breaths. There was nothing wrong with liking women either, of course. But did it really have to be all of them? Everyone but Junko?

"Also, um," Mimi started, pulling back a little, holding her arms against herself nervously. "Would this be a bad time to mention I kissed one of my teammates last night?"

Junko nearly shouted something. Anything. But then she thought better of it, and simply let out a sigh.

At least her adoptive grandchildren wouldn't be in any danger of this.