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Xacktar t1_jbonhvj wrote

"Thank you all for coming." Senator Rich Crook smiled through his false teeth at the crowds of reporters stuffed into the press room. He wore an immaculate suit. His dark hair was seasoned with just a touch of its actual gray, arranged by professionals to make him look every inch like a competent politician.

"I've called you here today to make a formal announcement." He settled himself at the podium, placing his hands on each side of the flimsy stand, "The senatorial committee for governmental transparency, of which I am the chair, has decided by unanimous vote, that it is in the governments best interests to stop wasting time and money hiding our obvious and well-known corruption. From now on, we will do whatever we like without consequences, as usual, but we'll no longer pretend that we're not."

He flashed his smile for the cameras and raised his hand in a stoic, yet friendly wave, "Any questions?"

Like chickens when the feed tube opens, a dozen heads bobbed up and squawked. The Senator pointed to the loudest of the bunch.

"Cash Clickbait here, Weekly Whiner. What will this mean for the upcoming vote on social security?"

"Great question." The Senator leaned forward, "Under this new ruling, we can freely admit that we've completely gutted social security to pay for private jets, summer mansions, and a very elite, hidden resort that only the ultra-rich have access to. I'd like to praise the public for their generous trust in the program and to give them my personal thanks for all their contributions. Next question,uhhh, yes, you."

"I. D. Seller, from This-Newspaper-Is-Brought-To-You-By-GEICO-GEICO-You-Can't-Escape." The young man paused to catch his breath, "How will this affect the next senatorial race? With this new transparency system, aren't you afraid of senate seats being lost, or even replaced by independents?"

"No." Senator Crook shook his head, "Due to the Each Vote Matters bill that passed last year, it's impossible for votes to actually matter. With unfair gerrymandering and the strategic removal of voting locations, we can secure every senate seat until military medical technology can no longer keep us alive. Now you, miss?"

"Unpaid Intern, Doom and Gloom Gazette." The young woman squeaked, "Um, uh, how will this affect, uh... the economy?"

The senator gave her a reassuring smile, "The Economy, as you know, is simply a measure of how quickly the upper class harvests money from the uneducated public. Thanks to ineffective financial regulation, the economy will continue to grow until we bleed the country dry. Then the upper class will use insider information to bail on the market right before the crash."

More hands went up and more squawking chickens clamored for a sound byte, but the senator just held up his hands and waved, "Sorry. That is all the time I have for today. It's just passed sundown and I have to fly to Hawaii for a senatorial ethics committee which is just golf and wine tasting. Thank you all, goodnight!"

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FyeNite t1_jc3u7hw wrote

Hey Xack!

Oh my god, this, this is amazing. So so hilarious in the worst way possible. Can't believe you've done this, haha.

I really liked how you went about answering each question, giving genuine thought to the responses to the point where it became scarily accurate. And all while funnelling it through this smug old dude, haha. I loved the names you gave the reporters and their news companies too!

I do just have a few bits and bobs for you though,

> His dark suit, dark eyes, and dark hair seasoned with just a touch of it's actual gray was arranged by professionals to make him look every inch like a competent politician.

So this sentence felt a bit awkward to me. It almost reads like there was a touch of grey in his suit and eyes. And I imagine that's not what you were going for. And maybe some shortening could help too.

Also, I think you want "...touch of its actual gray..." here.

> He flashed his smile for the cameras, raised his hand in a stoic, yet friendly wave, "Any questions?"

One thing here, I think you could swap that middle comma with an "and". There are only two actions here, so no need for a comma.

>Due to the the Each Vote Matters bill that passed last year,

An extra "the" here. No biggie.

> "Sorry. That is all the time I have for today. It's just passed sundown and I have to fly to Hawaii for a senatorial ethics committee and wine tasting. Thank you all, goodnight!"

Finally, I feel like bringing the ending back to the announcement a bit more would help here. I get that you were going for the irony of a literal corrupt politician going to an ethics committee, and then the wine-tasting later too. But I think if you reworded it to something like "for a senatorial ethics committee which is actually just a wine tasting gathering..." it could work better. Go back to that 'I'm still corrupt but I'm going to be honest with you about it.' But that's just a suggestion.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

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wordsonthewind t1_jcb9fyc wrote

Honest politicians! I never thought I'd see the day.

You really took full advantage of the press conference format. The names were hilarious and the senator was just glorious as this smug old man reveling in his power and corruption-backed excesses. The alleged senatorial ethics committee at the end was a wonderful touch too.

>From now on, we will do whatever we like without consequences, as usual, but we'll no longer pretend that we're not.

I think this line could have been a little more concise though, maybe through Rich being blunter. Just my two cents.

Good words!

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