Aww, thank you! And I guess, that's how I feel about you and your guys' writing. Seriously, you blow me away with what you come up with every week. It's amazing and a pleasure to read. And an honour to give feedback too.

And glad to hear my confusion wasn't limited to me, haha.

YTB

Hey Bay!

Oh wow, and you're back with another spooky tale. And one with a bittersweet ending too! I loved so many lines in this, the descriptions are definitely where it shines, I think.

> Their glare pierces through the layers of fabric, disapproval chilling me to the bone.

Like this for instance. Really sets up the ending twist and what you have coming.

> My insides shrivel up like dead worms on the sidewalk,

And I've mentioned this one before, but this one stood out the most to me. Really wonderful job there.

As for the ending, I have to say I quite liked the way you took it. The monster definitely felt a bit abrupt, unexplained. And I imagine that was intentional as well as because of wordcount. So this twist, making the story about this character and Jack was a great way of resolving the piece.

Very very well done!

I do just have a few bits and bobs for you,

Just noticing these now. It's not much, minor edits really.

> “It’s not safe, he’ll make…pay.”

I think you could do away with "pay" here. I know you have the theme of a 'price' for being able to talk to the dead. But with this, it makes me wonder how Jack knows about it. Makes sense that he'd know about the monster, but would he know specifics? Just a thought though.

> “Who? What about the others who came—”

Not a critique, just a question. Who is she talking about here? Previous investigators?

> Flames ignite from its hands.

Something like "Flames dance in his hands." may be better here. But that's also a commonly used personification. So go with either.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

Hey words!

I always enjoy the obscure stories you come up with for this feature, words. Like, I can think of a hundred ways of taking this prompt, and of course, the one you go for is super thoughtful and subtle. Where the twist is something easily missed.

I also quite liked the contrast between the two different Tigos here. I liked the two sides we got.

Very well done!

I do just have a few bits and bobs for you,

> "If you have any complaints about the service here, you should take them up with the management," I said.

A small thing, but I really don't think you need the dialogue tag at the end. It's a conversation between two people, so you can do without it. And I think it'll help the flow of the line too!

> I'd been looking forward to the full piece. But now I was rapidly losing interest in anything he had to say.

This just came on a bit too quickly. Like he just sat down and bam, it's already over. Maybe a few more dialogue lines in between could help?

> He turned at the sound of my camera snapping,

Finally, if he turned at this sound, then wouldn't the photo be of his back? Or does he just turn supernaturally quickly? A small thing, really.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

Hey oracle!

Wow, this was good. Like, really good. I loved just the casual nature of this, the building tension underneath. Just everything about it.

> “Yeah,” Nathaniel sighed ruefully, “I did get to do that.”

Lines like this for instance. That classic moment where you think all the tension has gone until suddenly, it all snaps. And I think you execute that switch so well.

Not to mention the mirthlessness this sentence has too.

Very very well done!

I do just have a few bits and bobs for you,

> He scanned the pages of his newspaper idly until a second gentleman in a blue suit perched on the other end of the bench and stared at the swift current of the river just beyond the footpath.

This was just a super long sentence. I'd suggest cutting it down some? Or maybe adding a period or two.

> he scrabbled to grab the knife. Nathaniel pulled the knife out

There was just a bit of repetition of "knife" here. I think you could very easily remove one.

> “The Seer got one right at least.”

And finally, did it though? The Seer predicted that the person would be stabbed in the back, right? But Eddie wasn't. He was stabbed in the throat. Or are you taking a different meaning of stabbed in the back here?

I hope this helps.

God Words!

Hey Ginger!

I honestly thought you were leading up to Lin being the secret killer all along. She killed these people and then does actually have the power to control them to throw off the police. And that's not even a critique, I loved the twist that you actually went for.

I also think you did a great job with just the complete frustration here. I mean, I was annoyed just hearing the guy talk, forget actually having to deal with him, haha.

Really well done.

I do just have a few bits and bobs for you though,

> The detective whirled wide-eyed to the medium.

So this bit didn't exactly sit right with me. Why was he so surprised or annoyed? I mean, sure, the answer was dumb but did he honestly expect to get a genuine answer here? I'd expect him to groan or storm out, but whirl around in surprise?

> After the door slammed shut, Lin gazed from her clashing,

I just wanted something more here to indicate the perspective change. A line break could work but not sure. Up to you though.

One final thing, I understand one victim acting this way but nine? Why would they all react like this? Seems maybe a bit unrealistic. But that could just be me misunderstanding.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

Hey seven!

Ooh, good ol' switcheroo on the world. Give us something cool and then reveal that it's just a story someone is writing. But then you took it one step further and called it true.

I liked the concept here especially. And the absurdity of what some of your characters are bidding on. Pretty hilarious. And I think you did a great job of bringing each of these characters to life too!

Now, I assume there's something more going on here, but just not sure exactly what, so I'll leave that there.

I do just have a few bits and bobs for you,

> a mere stone's throw from house of the ‘esteemed’ Emperor himself,

Just missing a "the" before "house" here.

> A plump man in a yellow raincoat huffed through the courtyard, plopping himself on the bench beside Vaughn.

So I'd say bring up the setting a little earlier maybe? Or at least imply that he's outside a little earlier. That's pretty much it though.

> The wolf-eyed woman snorted, and Vaughn jotted down a note about a bakery.

And here, I wasn't aware she was close enough to hear the conversation. I assumed she was off in the distance, and Vaughn was just watching and writing about her.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

Hey Ry!

Lol, I thought Will would get vaporised. Though not so soon, admittedly. Considering recent events, I really liked how Morris acted here. Pretty much just fed up and unwilling to help anymore. Humanity's dug their grave, and that was that.

And of course, the comedy. I especially liked the shooting down the spaceships bit, haha. But also, hit way too close to home. So a groan may have been mixed into that laugh.

I do have a few bits and bobs for you,

> Well, smaller attacks already have wiped out 20% Earth’s population,

A small thing here. But I think you're missing an "of" after "20%".

> Morris stared ahead blankly.

And this bit snagged me a bit. I think without the added context that there have been previous debates, I assumed that he was under some sort of mind control and that would be the twist. Maybe having him roll his eyes or something could work better?

One final thing: So is Will pro-invasive aliens or against them? Because at first, he seems to be all for them. Calling them "chill" and such. But later on, he says that they had full right to shoot at their ship. So just a bit confused is all. Though, now that I think bout it, that might be the intention, lol. Pro freedom, everything's a hoax, lol.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

Hey Tens!

I really liked the characterisation here. You do a really good job with the interviewer I think. I liked the constant details about the notepad too, reminding us that this is an orchestrated conversation, not exactly something that's as friendly as it seems.

> It looked like some form of shorthand, all soft curves and smooth transitions, very few angles.

And speaking of, I really loved this bit. The detail you had here shows just how experienced and prepared Mr. Tanner was. And not to mention, it just flows really well with the character perspectives too.

I do just have a few bits and bobs for you though,

> His interviewee’s nerves melted away and she returned his smile, sitting forward in her chair and wrapping her hands around the mug on her kitchen table.

So a couple of things here. We're shown that these two know each other and Mr. Tanner has been trying to get an interview with her for a while now. The thing is, this is, we get this information before we even get her name. So it kind of distances us from either character. I hope that makes sense.

And similarly, this is also the first time that we hear about where we are. A small detail about the kitchen table but I think putting that a bit earlier might be better?

> “…though perhaps I spent a bit more time on yours than usual,” he followed up quickly.

This just broke the almost predatory image your painting of Mr. Tanner. Not sure if it's intentional, but it just feels a bit abrupt to change the power dynamic like this and then revert all the way back by the end.

> Alright. At the age of 16, a friend and I decided one day to hitchhiking. We were going to see a concert. In Portland.”

I think you want "hitchhike" here.

Also, just a few too many very small sentences. Commas might help in some places.

> “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I told you. You made me want to tell you everything. How did you even do that?”

Hmm, you mentioned you're still working on an ending. But this still felt a tad abrupt. Like he's convincing, sure, but here she makes it sound like it's magic.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

I see! Lol, that's way simpler. I was thinking you were trying to imply this was a father-son thing. Lol, trust me to overcomplicate things. But glad you found the feedback helpful!

NYTB!

Good Words!

Hey Kat!

Hehe, I loved the commentary here. You have some hilarious moments like the TNI comment and all the different uniform descriptions, haha. I think you did a fantastic job characterising the two kids too! Even without dialogue tags, I could make out who was who here with the speech.

Also lol, I loved that twist ending. The coach was clearly fed up with the game and just wanted to end the class. So hey, everyone's a loser, haha.

One specific detail that I liked here was where you had the game situated. On the disused tennis court. It pretty much tells us everything we need to know about how the teachers of the school view the great game of dodgeball, thereby setting up some of the other jokes going forward.

So really well done!

I do just have a few bits and bobs for you though,

> Blessed with plenty of space, crabapple and sycamore trees lined dappled asphalt paths.

I do think you might want just a little more here. You mention the trees, but is there anything more? Maybe something about hills or forests in the distance? Everything was neatly mowed grass? Just something more to this beautiful description, basically.

> Cotton stood with his buddy Pepper as the team assembled in the early evening’s fading sun. Younger and shorter with red hair, Cotton was nevertheless the clear leader, as Pepper’s slightly slumped shoulders attested.

I think there's just a bit of repetition of names here. I think using a few pronouns instead could work better because you've already established who you're talking about. So something like:

"Cotton stood with his buddy Pepper as the team assembled in the early evening's fading sun. Younger and shorter with red hair, he was nevertheless the clear leader, as his friend's slightly slumped shoulders attested."

Maybe that could work?

> “They’re looking good, Pepper. In fine form. And aren’t those new uniforms great?”

> “Yes indeed, Cotton. The school has done well with the new gym uniforms… And wow! Look at them go Straight through the metal gate and onto the court.”

I think you just repeated the bit about the uniforms here.

"And aren’t those new uniforms great?"

And,

"The school has done well with the new gym uniforms…"

Both seemed like introductions to the uniforms. Like two different ways to bring our attention to them for the first time, if that makes sense. Maybe cutting one?

Also, the second bit of the second paragraph made me think that the uniforms were running through the gate for a second. Probably didn't help that I originally read it as the gate still being closed, haha. Just a small thing.

> And, if you remember nothing else, if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball!

Just a bit of repetition of "if you" here a little close together. Hmm, not sure how you could change that though...

> the Right-side-out captain whined.

And finally, the name for the uniforms. It's named two different things I believe:

"right-way-round shirts"

And,

"Right-side-out"

I'm not sure if that was intentional though. However, considering the other team goes by a consistent name, I'll leave this here in case it wasn't.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

Hey Duke!

Welp, you got an audible groan from me for that ending. So like, I'll give you that, haha. And you did such a great job with a good story too. The plot didn't feel forced or anything in order to get to the joke. So really well done there.

Like, the only thing I could say is perhaps build it up more? Tease it maybe? But then again, I also liked how you did it. Write this great story and end it with a hilarious pun. I'm going to call it a pun at least.

Very well done!

I do just have a few bits and bobs for you though,

> Deadline was fast approaching,

This read oddly to me. "The deadline was fast approaching," or something may work better. But not sure.

> "And we're working double-speed to get the paper out. I don't want to fire them -- they have a way with words separately, but when on the story together, everything falls apart!"

So if Alice is Cullen's assistant, does she have the power to fire people? Is that something she can do or is she simply wielding Culen's power here? And with that, who is Cullen in the company? I might have missed it, but is he the CEO? The big boss? Not too sure but this bit did give me pause.

> Cullen offered an entire box of tissues to Alice, as though that would clean up the black mess on her face thoroughly.

I don't think you need "entire" here. It's a detail that we can already assume. Also, later on, you make it a point to say that she uses most, if not all, of the tissues anyway. So you could just dodge some repetition that way.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

Hey Blu!

Ooh, nice twist here. This kind of story often ends with the people being the real monsters. Those with power and wealth being the real things to fear and such. So it's refreshing to get a story that doesn't do that and takes a more literal meaning of the word monster.

I quite liked your opening here too. You set the backstory up really well, and tell us from the start that this won't end well. And that does wonders for the tension.

I do just have a few bits and bobs for you though,

> I spent far more time chasing stories than I did making our own. My biggest regret.

So I did just feel like there was a bit of a contradiction here. Before this, our character openly admits that they'd give into the rush of the biggest story of their lives even if they knew how badly it would end.

But then here, they openly admit that they wished they hadn't let their family go. So maybe just removing the "My biggest regret." could fix it? But up to you.

> warming my core in a way the alcohol hadn’t.

A minor change here, but "couldn't" may work better over "hadn't" here. Insinuating that she made him feel a way that the alcohol couldn't achieve. Because as it stands, one could maybe take it as 'if he'd just drink some more, he could perhaps reach that same level of warmth.' Which I don't think is what you were intending.

> Grinning back, I offered her a drink, surprised she accepted.

The commas here make it seem like this is all simultaneous. He grins at her whilst offering a drink for instance. There's no chronological order of events. But then the last bit snagged me. She'd only be able to accept the drink after he offered, right? So maybe a period followed by "I was surprised she accepted." maybe?

I may be way overthinking this, haha.

> Her hot breath sending shivers down my spine and waking up parts I hadn’t paid any mind to for the better part of a year.

Just a tense change here I think. You go from past to present a few times in this piece I think. Nothing too big though.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

Hey Rest!

I really like the air of confidence you had going here. At first, we don't actually know what the article/story is about. And I quite liked that. I liked that Ted was more interested in getting a beer and relaxing over something as important as the article that was set to publish.

Because once we do learn what the article is about, that air of confidence only sticks around and it allows us to see Ted in a new light.

I also really liked how you described Ted's surroundings here. The heat, the insects and of course, how Ted is feeling during all of this. Really builds up his character.

I do have a few bits and bobs for you though,

> The aircon was fighting a losing battle but better than standing out there.

I think this bit could be reworded a bit. "...fighting a losing battle but it was better than nothing." maybe?

> Even through the window I could hear the cacophony; bugs waiting in ambush. I called her back.

Here, does he disconnect the call? was under the impression that the call was still going the entire time. Or was this a transfer from the car's calling feature to his phone? If so, maybe specifying that could help.

> I think attractive girls selling watermelon by the roadside is a worthy cause,

A small thing here. "watermelons" (plural) may be what you're looking for.

One final thing: The ending. It just felt a bit vague to me. I liked the mention of the beer again, reinforcing that confidence and disinterest one final time. But the bit about the report gets me. What does "Gail let me take a more liberal stance" mean here? What did she let him do? Was he promoted? Did she let him do as he saw best without much questioning? Just bits like that.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

Hey Zach!

Ooh, an interesting story here. I liked the personality you gave Bea here. The derision and annoyance she felt whilst doing all of this. She hasn't given up or anything, just feels like she needs to wade through this garbage before she can get out and do some proper work.

Also, something else I noticed. You use the name Bea a lot in your stories. Are these all interconnected by any chance? All the same character going through different bits of life? Or do you just really like the name, Bea, lol?

Just curious.

I do have a few bits and bobs for you though,

> Bea opened the dumpster and quickly stepped back, not believing the smell could get much worse but it found a way.

This bit read a bit awkwardly to me. You didn't describe the smell before this, so it seemed like you mentioned it was bad, and then in the same sentence it got worse? Not too sure.

> The offer that the client had made had been pretty damn generous on paper; five hundred dollars was hard to turn down.

So this felt like a bit of a contradiction. Before this, she swears off doing these kinds of jobs again, but then she thinks about how much money there is with no connecting thought. I hope that makes sense.

> Bea had no idea his name

"Bea didn't know his name" might read better. But you could probably come up with something better.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

Hey galdu!

Well heck! Now I want to know what happens next. Does she cave? Does she get her way? And whether that happens or not, what is this 'Event'?

As you can see, you did a wonderful job hooking me into the story here. Building up this character as she signs away what seems to be her life. And I like how we don't get much backstory here either. All we get is the implication that she's an up-and-coming star. That she'll be something big very soon.

I think you also did a good job with Allen. He's smooth and friendly. He's still working for a company that wants to take advantage of her, but he's still very amicable about it. I hope that makes sense.

I do have a few bits and bobs for you though,

> But as each suit got their fill, they departed. In the early morning, only Allen remained.

This bit read a bit awkwardly to me. Maybe switching "But" with "After" could help? Not sure.

> For all intensive purposes, Bradley Media Group gets ninety percent of everything.

So I've always heard the phrase as '"For all intents and purposes.' Not how you have it here. Is this a mistake or a deliberate change?

> Sam breathed. “Okay.” She poised herself to wring the goose’s neck across the dotted line.

So I'm not sure why she refused to sign. She signed the ninety percent form already, so why stop here? Just didn't make too much sense to me. Did she see something? Maybe changing it up a a bit could help?

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

Hey blackbird!

I think you did a great job of characterising Shahid here. In reality, he hasn't really done much in the first portion of the story, simply walked over to an execution spot. But the way you sprinkled his backstory in between glances and observations worked so well I think.

And I quite liked how you described the rescue too. Rashid is blind at this point, and you do a good job of making out the sounds and explosions whilst still making sure enough confusion remained for believability.

Really well done!

I do just have a few bits and bobs for you though,

> After being held indoors for twenty-eight days, he was unused to the light.

I've never seen it written like that. I've always seen it as "he wasn't used to the light." So I'll just leave this here in case it is wrong. But again, it is probably right.

One other thing, how much light was there? Some more description could help here. Was he blinded for instance?

> The battle raged on for what felt like hours, Shahid hoping all the time no stray fire would hit him. As the roar of guns waned, he heard nearby footsteps.

I wanted more from Shahid here. He's clearly experienced with taking care of himself, so what did he do here? Did he lie flat on the ground, burying his head as deep in the sand as possible to protect it? Did he try to get the shackles off or maybe the sack? Maybe he tried to simply run? Just something more would be great here.

> The sack was roughly pulled off his head, and the shackles on his hands and feet were unlocked.

And finally, I expected something about how his rescuer looked here. What were they wearing? What did their face look like? Did they have a nametag? Maybe a country's flag on their armour? Just something like that.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

Howdy stranger!

Woo! A rare and much-loved stranger story! Yay! I really liked the anger and frustration you had this character show in this piece. And I like how that evolved too. From plain boredom and disinterest to anger and resentment as the interviewer asks for more words. I think you did a great job of basically keeping this conversation going despite it being almost completely one-sided.

But also, poor girl. Soon, very soon, she'll find people with common interests and be more accepted.

I do have a few bits and bobs for you though,

> 30 minutes have stretched into a week in my brain as I sit, immobile, across the old interviewer in the blazer.

First, I believe you want "Thirty" here. Spelt out rather than as a number. I believe if the number is less than 100, then you spell it out.

Second, I think you're just missing a "from" after "across".

> He stares attentively this time, and motions to ask for more words.

I think you could simplify "to ask for more words." to something like "to continue.". Just saves a few words.

> Because now, I get bullied every time someone in my class catches me outside of school, and my parents keep yelling at me that I should dress proper and cover my skin and whatnot, and old ladies keep stopping in the street and talking some stuff about the end times and everything and…

This sentence felt a tad long. I really think a few periods in place of some commas could really help split it up and make it easier to read.

One final thing, whilst reading this, I wanted to know who this guy was. And what this interview was about. The starting questions made me think of therapy or a psychological evaluation of some sort. And then I thought maybe it was a meeting with the school's principal. Either way, signifying that it's a journalist earlier could really help I think.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

Hey gaborrero!

Wow, you managed to tell so much story in so few words. I really like how you focused on Katherine here, and all in one location too. I like how you used her interaction with another person to show what kind of person she was. And to even then explain that away. So much characterisation going on here.

I think you also did a great job of setting the mood of this story. Relaxed and uncaring. We focus pretty heavily on Katherine, and I like how the barista isn't even given a chance to properly explain himself.

Very well done!

I do just have a few bits and bobs for you,

> Her fingers glided easily across the ergonomic surface of her keyboard that her eyes never even focused on once.

The second bit of this sentence is worded a bit oddly. I'm not too sure how you can fix it per see, but maybe removing it could work? Or maybe saying that her eyes were glued to the screen could help?

> She didn't spare him so much as a glance, even as he continued to stand there, waiting for who-knew-what.

A small tense thing here but I believe you want "who-knows-what" here.

> Katherine picked up her cup and took a sip of her latte. She set it down with a loud CLINK and went back to typing, not sparing him another glance.

With a story so short I felt like this line was a bit too wordy for what's actually happening. She just takes a sip and continues to ignore him. So I think just saying that in fewer words could help.

One final thing, what is she reporting on? What is this bombshell that's got her so worked up? I liked the twist that you had with the twenty followers but I think more could help. Pick something dumb like a vegetable conspiracy and really finish off that twist.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

Hey Astro!

Ooh, you did a great job of painting a truly disturbing scene in that basement. and teasing it too with the woman's face. I really liked how you showed Dr. Tyler to be such a normal and friendly person too! All the way up to when he realised what she knew.

I do just have a few bits and bobs for you though,

> Mary sat on the park bench as the sun set behind her eating a bag of seasoned oyster crackers.

I think just a comma after "behind her" could help here.

> Their neck was covered in slash marks.

We know it's a woman now, so being a bit more specific with the pronouns would help make this character a little more personal to the reader. So the injuries impact us more.

> One week later, Dr. Tyler locked the office door behind him as he left none the wiser. Mary hid in the bushes nearby.

I think just some reordering could help here. Establish that Mary is hiding before you mention that Dr. Tyler is locking up. That way, the "none the wiser" makes sense as we know what he isn't wise to.

> At the bottom of staircase was a laboratory with a table in the middle of the room.

Just missing a "the" before "staircase" here.

> He left the unfortunate results of his experiments.

I just wanted to see this final line connect a bit more with the lines before. So a connective could help maybe. Or "he disappeared, leaving the unfortunate results of his experiments."

One final thing, why didn't the woman go to the police? Why go to a reporter? Did the Doctor threaten her or pay her off? Was something else going on? Why would he leave her alive after he experimented on her? It's clear that he's killed before. Just a bit more detail could help here I think.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

Hey Lively!

Heck yeah, she's so got this.

I loved how from the start, we get the sense that something else is going on underneath. The language that you use, the way our character manipulates the situation and people around her to get to the story she's looking for.

I also really like the irony of the slogan. And the way you bring it back at the end and actually give it the sense that it's true this time.

I also think you did a great job of characterising John and even the boss in this. Even though we don't see much of the latter, you do a good job of giving us a picture of what he's like. So very well done!

I do just have a few bits and bobs for you,

> With relief I snapped the laptop closed, eager to answer the call of my personal laptop beckoning me home so my real work could begin.

Just a little bit of repetition of "laptop" here. I think simply going for something like "computer" could work just as well and avoid repetition.

> his piggy eyes running all over my body like slime,

Similarly, there was just a bit of repetition of "piggy eyes" here and with the boss. Just stood out to me. If you want to keep it, you could insinuate that the boss and John are related I suppose. Father and son, thereby explaining why he acts as he does. But just a small thought I had whilst typing this.

> Damn, he worked fast!

I'm not too sure what this meant. Are you saying that she was surprised he sprung the drinks thing so soon? Because it seemed pretty reasonable to me, as it's said that they were taking the new girl out for drinks. But not sure.

> I carefully lined my oversized handbag with a heavy-duty plastic bag to pour all the drinks I was not about to drink

Again, just a bit of repetition of "drink" here. No biggie.

> “Fighting for Fairness!”, I raised my fist into the air and exclaimed, “Oh yes I am. This is for you Sarah!”.

This felt a bit silly to me. First off, shouldn't she be afraid of someone overhearing? Or has everyone left already? And even if they had, it still is a bit strange, no? I don't know, might just be me.

YTB!

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

Hey Chop!

I loved these descriptions and the sheer rich backstory you give Pauline here. You do an amazing job of bringing her to life through just a few simple facts about her life. Her dreams and aspirations, her debt, her current work and the amount of work she puts in.

I also really liked the gentle calming feeling the first portion of the story had. It really builds up quite well to that sudden intrusion of the voice. So very well done.

I do just have a few bits and bobs for you,

> The Sun had set — was swallowed whole by the ocean — and the wasted hours were getting to her.

I honestly think you don't need these em-dashes here. You're saying the same thing twice, just more dramatic the second time around. I'd say drop the "The sun had set" line and go straight for the more powerful bit.

> Pauline works as a self-employed investigative journalist

There seemed to be a tense shift here. We were in the past tense earlier and now we're in the present. Not sure if that's intentional though.

> but what she wanted — what she really really wanted — was to be a hard-hitting, truth-touting,

Similarly, as above, I think the bit in the em-dashes is just a little too similar to what comes before it. So something like "what she needed really" could be better.

> Anyone notices us and it’s just a random chance meeting, but who would see us at Stinky Beach?

Similar to the tense change. Here I think you switch person. You go from second person to first person. I'd say stick to second.

> The journalist was knocked off her car by something hitting her in the side of the head.

Finally, was just a bit thrown by this. It's an awfully physical and violent reaction to being startled. She didn't just jump off her car, she was thrown off. Just sounds a bit exaggerated.

And last but not least, I kind of have to mention it: the ending. Heck Chop, I need more! Please, it's such a perfect opening. It just needs more!

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

Hey Xack!

Oh my god, this, this is amazing. So so hilarious in the worst way possible. Can't believe you've done this, haha.

I really liked how you went about answering each question, giving genuine thought to the responses to the point where it became scarily accurate. And all while funnelling it through this smug old dude, haha. I loved the names you gave the reporters and their news companies too!

I do just have a few bits and bobs for you though,

> His dark suit, dark eyes, and dark hair seasoned with just a touch of it's actual gray was arranged by professionals to make him look every inch like a competent politician.

So this sentence felt a bit awkward to me. It almost reads like there was a touch of grey in his suit and eyes. And I imagine that's not what you were going for. And maybe some shortening could help too.

Also, I think you want "...touch of its actual gray..." here.

> He flashed his smile for the cameras, raised his hand in a stoic, yet friendly wave, "Any questions?"

One thing here, I think you could swap that middle comma with an "and". There are only two actions here, so no need for a comma.

>Due to the the Each Vote Matters bill that passed last year,

An extra "the" here. No biggie.

> "Sorry. That is all the time I have for today. It's just passed sundown and I have to fly to Hawaii for a senatorial ethics committee and wine tasting. Thank you all, goodnight!"

Finally, I feel like bringing the ending back to the announcement a bit more would help here. I get that you were going for the irony of a literal corrupt politician going to an ethics committee, and then the wine-tasting later too. But I think if you reworded it to something like "for a senatorial ethics committee which is actually just a wine tasting gathering..." it could work better. Go back to that 'I'm still corrupt but I'm going to be honest with you about it.' But that's just a suggestion.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

#Perfect Storm

The day is anything but calm outside my earthen hall

The inferno swirls around me like a gargantuan w wall

The searing fire licks at the cracking mud bricks

Treating my life as if it were a pile of tinder sticks

A maelstrom of ice and sleet rains down from the sky

Launching its watery offensive intent on my demise

Barbed icicles pierce down inches from my head

Bathing my small home in a sea of crimson red

Winds whip about me and rattle my lights

Superheated by the inferno with icy bites

My walls crumble beneath its blistering strike

Entering my bones and cutting through like a pike

A perfect storm raging outside my mind

Defended by nothing but meagre mud grind

It may be small and it may not be much

But it's all made better with chocolate and such

WC: 142

words words!

> My favorite creation of hers was something she called Liar's Pie.

Mmm, sounds delicious already for some reason...

> "But Mom," I said very reasonably, "why would you bake this pie for me? I never lie to you."

This kid's reasoning skills are on point, love this guy.

> The words simmered at the tip of my tongue, a million little stories and excuses waiting to be unleashed. Details jumped out at me: I saw my classmates' moods and secrets as clearly as their uniforms or the color of their hair.

I loved this bit, it flowed so well. You did a wonderful job of capturing both the meaning and magic of this pie in this singular passage.

I do just have a few bits and bobs for you though,

> She used to say that she'd seriously considered being a baker, but getting the fresh-baked treats and pastries out in time for ravenous customers to purchase their breakfast meant having to get up in the middle of the night. And she simply wasn't a morning person. Besides, she loved to tinker and come up with new recipes rather than make things in batches.

This bit read a bit odd to me. They're just excuses and reasons for why she didn't become a baker. It's worded well, but detracts quite a bit from the story, and right at the start of the story too. I'd say clip it down some.

Maybe removing the "morning person" bit could help? The bit about how she likes experimenting rather than baking batches adds to the creative magic that this story seems to have, so it fits the theme.

> "Why is it called that?" Dad wanted to know.

Considering that we never get to see the dad's reaction or experience with the pie in the story, leaving him out of this bit and the story as a whole could save you a few words and give you one less character. But up to you really. This could just be a preference thing.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

Hey Ry

I got through three-quarters of the story, thoroughly enjoying every bit of it and forgot who the writer was...

> “Zammy! I thought we had an agreement, no breaking my windows.

Of course.

I loved this, the exaggerated sheer survival Ernest had to go through to get to his sister contrasted so well with the relaxed life of Maureen. Wonderful job, haha.

I also really liked how you brought the opening quote back into the story at the end there. It fits quite well.

I just have a few bits and bobs for you,

> Maureen was… a bit of a schnicklefritz. Not dumb by any means. Maureen just… floated through life, always assuming things would work out for her.

I'm not too sure here but if this is a quote, should it be italicised or in quotation marks maybe? If it isn't a quote through then there's no issue.

> ‘Zammy’ shambled his way out the way he came,

Just a bit of repetition of "way" here I think.

> “I sorry. I’ve got this quota from my boss–which is what I call the zombie parasite within me–I’ve gotta infect five humans a day or he will not be happy with me.”

This just felt a bit expositiony, especially the bit about how his boss is actually the parasite that controls him. I see the humour you were going for, but it did snag me a bit. Especially because Maureen has apparently dealt with this zombie before. So wouldn't the zombie have already told her about his daily requirements? But that could absolutely just be me.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!