Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

TenspeedGV t1_jca7hbv wrote

The red button on the recorder went click. The reporter set it on the table and slid back in his chair, licking the tip of his pen out of habit as he flipped his notebook to a new page. He crossed his legs.

“First of all I want to thank you for agreeing to this interview, Miss Kinney” he said with a smile. “It’s an honor being able to speak to you like this.”

She returned his smile, sitting forward in her chair. “It’s my pleasure, Mr. Tanner. I know you’ve been trying for a while.”

He scribbled on his notepad as she spoke, his eyes never leaving her for more than half a second. From her angle she could almost see what he was writing. It looked like some form of shorthand, all soft curves and smooth transitions.

Seeing the direction of her gaze, his smile turned lopsided for a moment and he adjusted, tilting the notebook just that much further away.

“To start us off, why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself.”

She sighed and leaned back, boredom already beginning to set in as she began listing off various ‘interesting’ points along her life story.

Mr. Tanner cleared his throat, “I apologize for interrupting. I do love listening to you talk, but I’d like something a bit more personal. I already gathered this stuff from your social media.”

“You want more personal? Something I didn’t put on social media. Alright. There was this time…”

As she talked, the reporter kept his eyes trained on her, but still his hand never stopped moving over the page.

“…After a long day of walking along the side of the freeway outside Sioux Falls, we were picked up by the Sheriff himself. My dad wired the money for bus tickets. We were both grounded for a year,” she rested her head in her palms, peeking through her fingers at him.

He grinned. “I see. So you were a bit of a delinquent. That does contradict the perfect image you’ve got online, doesn’t it? But I bet it gets more interesting from there. Tell me more.”

She opened her mouth, her jaw working for a second. Then she flushed a soft shade of red.

“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe it. You almost made me want to tell you everything. How did you even do that?” she asked, her hands coming down on the red Record button. “You’ve been recording this whole time. What are you even writing?” She craned her neck to see what was on the paper.

This time it was his turn to flush. He turned the notebook around to show her the beginnings of a sketch of herself. All soft curves and smooth transitions. He smiled sheepishly. “This is what I do for a hobby.”

“A good reporter and a great artist? Well. You may just be able to get another date out of me yet, Mr. Tanner.”

“Thank you kindly, Miss Kinney.” He grinned.

6

FyeNite t1_jcalf5k wrote

Hey Tens!

I really liked the characterisation here. You do a really good job with the interviewer I think. I liked the constant details about the notepad too, reminding us that this is an orchestrated conversation, not exactly something that's as friendly as it seems.

> It looked like some form of shorthand, all soft curves and smooth transitions, very few angles.

And speaking of, I really loved this bit. The detail you had here shows just how experienced and prepared Mr. Tanner was. And not to mention, it just flows really well with the character perspectives too.

I do just have a few bits and bobs for you though,

> His interviewee’s nerves melted away and she returned his smile, sitting forward in her chair and wrapping her hands around the mug on her kitchen table.

So a couple of things here. We're shown that these two know each other and Mr. Tanner has been trying to get an interview with her for a while now. The thing is, this is, we get this information before we even get her name. So it kind of distances us from either character. I hope that makes sense.

And similarly, this is also the first time that we hear about where we are. A small detail about the kitchen table but I think putting that a bit earlier might be better?

> “…though perhaps I spent a bit more time on yours than usual,” he followed up quickly.

This just broke the almost predatory image your painting of Mr. Tanner. Not sure if it's intentional, but it just feels a bit abrupt to change the power dynamic like this and then revert all the way back by the end.

> Alright. At the age of 16, a friend and I decided one day to hitchhiking. We were going to see a concert. In Portland.”

I think you want "hitchhike" here.

Also, just a few too many very small sentences. Commas might help in some places.

> “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I told you. You made me want to tell you everything. How did you even do that?”

Hmm, you mentioned you're still working on an ending. But this still felt a tad abrupt. Like he's convincing, sure, but here she makes it sound like it's magic.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

2

[deleted] t1_jccwj1x wrote

[removed]

1

TenspeedGV t1_jcdc5w0 wrote

If you have a problem with how a moderator has conducted themselves on this subreddit, please send a modmail. This allows us to keep track of the conversation and allows all moderators to easily participate as needed.

This sort of message is not appropriate as a random comment on an unrelated thread.

Thank you

1