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ur-socks-sir t1_ivuyh4m wrote

Reply to comment by ur-socks-sir in [TT] Theme Thursday - Wholesome by AliciaWrites

I know that it's way more than 500 words, but it felt right. I hope y'all enjoy it.

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Restser t1_iwejghw wrote

Hey ur-socks-sir. I think your story was doing just fine till you started preaching. I did a quick check and think if your replaced paragraphs 10 to 13 with what happened in your MC's life in between, this piece would be much less disjointed. Make it clear from the start that MC is addressing his daughter. Another thing your story would benefit from is some showing, instead of so much telling. Lastly, there are many places where your can save on the word count - be concise where ever you can. Cheers.

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ur-socks-sir t1_iwek9g3 wrote

Hey thanks for the criticism, I really do appreciate it. This was my first time writing a prompt like this, I wasn't sure what to do and by the end of it I couldn't be bothered to write something completely different. Thanks for taking your time to help me!

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Restser t1_iwf29u6 wrote

Learning this craft is not easy. There is a great deal of technique that is not obvious. A great place to learn is: https://emmadarwin.typepad.com/thisitchofwriting/

Good luck with your future stories.

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ur-socks-sir t1_iwf2h9n wrote

Hey thanks! I appreciate that you're trying to help me. Honestly I need more support, I tend to be way too hard on myself despite just starting out. I really do appreciate your help.

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