Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

GrunkleStanwhich t1_iyboc0t wrote

Superpowers, superheroes, no matter what sort of titles they placed on themselves they were powerless in the moment it mattered most. As the massive rock that was Earth's undoing approached all they could do was stare. Stare as it grew closer, shadowing the spot at our feet. Stare as it mocked them, showing us how truly powerless they were in this moment. But not me.

I felt even worse for Bino-scope, his power of super-sight had allowed him to catch the meteor long before even the scientists and their telescopes. He had been staring all day since, now the corners of his eyes dried and reddened. But I did not worry.

The shadow grew larger at our feet

As Earth's finest stared up in fear, fully suited and bulging with muscles, I did not need to look. I only needed to think of lunch. Of what type of soup I wanted today. Chicken noodle? Lentil? Mom always made a great lentil. Mine never came out quite as good though.

From my utility belt I carefully selected a bowl I liked most, a perfect vessel for the occasion; handcrafted by a shopkeeper whose storefront I'd saved by turning a runaway vehicle into a delicious egg drop. I held it out in two hands to ensure a good grip as the massive rock grew closer. Suddenly the stares of the other heroes burned through me like a hot cup of cheddar broccoli.

"And what is that meant to do, soup boy?" a voice boomed, carried out from Earth's greatest hero. Even near our doom I was mocked.

"It's Souperior, Magnus. You know that. You all do!" I yelled over to the crowd of heroes, now staring. "Now grab a bowl or get out of my way."

A few chuckled, some hung their heads in disappointment, and others, the worst ones, held looks of sympathy on their faces.

"Ok Souperior, what's the bowl for? Humor me in Earth's last moments."

The shadow from the space rock now engulfed the city whole. Above the meteor screamed, yelling through the atmosphere and letting its presence be impossible to ignore. On the streets was chaos: civilians ran to any semblence of safety, cars careened through crowds of traffic, and the heroes, they just watched onward with wide eyes.

I looked up to Magnus, and by extension to all of the others.

"The bowl? Well of course, it's for soup."

Just as the Earth's doom intended to strike down from above I reached up, resting my palm against its rocky surface. In the moment I channeled all my thoughts into one purpose: Gazpacho, and the meteor replied, fighting back with all of its weight. For a moment it was a stalemate. My soupy willpower against the great stones.

But then I felt a weight lift from my arms, and to my right Magnus suddenly stood, muscles in his arms bulging through his copper spandex. The asphalt cracked at his feet as he helped hold the weight aloft.

With both of our might the meteor stood no chance. My hand pushed up through, past the rocky exterior and into a cold gazpacho. Then Magnus delivered the death blow, a mega-ton punch splitting the stone exterior open and sending the cold soup bursting forth and high up into the sky.

For a moment there was silence. The gaggle of various costumed heroes watched with mouths agape as red clouds formed in the sky. Magnus was the first to approach, holding out a bloodied hand.

"May I have a bowl, hero?"

Then one by one they followed, each taking a bowl from my belt and awaiting the soupy rain.

1,467

somebrookdlyn t1_iybx1ru wrote

Honestly, based soup preference. Gazpacho is good stuff.

506

livebeta t1_iyc0sjg wrote

glad it was not Souperior doing it by himself. the metoer might be stroganoff to ward off whatever he was trying to do

308

notthephonz t1_iybz3nc wrote

I was thinking it would have to be a cold soup because a hot soup could bring on even more dangers

196

CarlosFer2201 t1_iycwxw9 wrote

>It's Souperior

I was not ready for that name. You killed me.

64

zeropointcorp t1_iycv571 wrote

Does his power conserve inertia or not? Because converting the meteor to gazpacho wouldn’t significantly reduce its mass (I mean it would a bit, because most meteors are definitely going to be denser than gazpacho, but even so…). If the meteor is a planet killer - say, the size of the one that did for the dinosaurs - you’re talking:

Vol = 4/3 * πr^3 = 4/3 * π(500000)^3 = 5.2 x 10^17 cm^3

And assuming the density of gazpacho is the same as water, at room temperature that’s going to be 5.2 x 10^11 tonnes of gazpacho, and if inertia is conserved, you’re looking at about 1.2 x 10^16 MJ of energy if it hits at 25000km/h. That’s about 10,000,000 megatons of TNT equivalent. Magnus’s “mega-ton” punch ain’t gonna do shit.

38

GrunkleStanwhich t1_iyd4c1h wrote

I gotta be honest with you. As impressive as this is...his power is just soup. And Magnus's power is to hit things as hard as the plot needs him to.

76

Ruadhan2300 t1_iydautb wrote

There's an XKCD for this.

https://what-if.xkcd.com/12/

What if a rainstorm dropped all its water in one big droplet...

Spoiler-alert, The answer is somewhere on the order of a megaton-range nuclear blast for half a cubic kilometer of water.

A dinosaur-killing meteor a dozen times bigger turned into more-or-less-water would clear the soil down to the bedrock for tens of miles, and flatten everything for thousands of miles radius, flash-flood half a continent, move mountains..

And that's assuming it started at 0 velocity a few kilometers up.
If it keeps any of its momentum it's just going to be worse.

40

Tomagathericon t1_iyddr2i wrote

If we are trying to be real here, then Souperior would have never even been able to touch the meteor, and even if he was, the damage would have already been done by the time the meteor is ~2.5 meters from impact.

When faced with stories like this, it's best to just accept it and enjoy the ride x)

19

Selkie_Love t1_iyd1txn wrote

The momentum delta is important as well. Being hit by a pillow vs being hit with a sock full of rocks

10

hussiesucks t1_iyd3j0j wrote

Well yeah but soup is a liquid so the total force would be distributed over a longer period of time.

3

zeropointcorp t1_iyd4a32 wrote

I kind of feel that half a million megatonnes of soup traveling at Mach 20 isn’t going to give a shit about the distribution of force over the 0.24 seconds it will take to punch through the earth’s atmosphere.

9

zackadiax24 t1_iyf3zu2 wrote

Exactly, even if it kills everyone at the impact zone as well as a few miles out destroy all life on the planet like the meteor would.

1

Thegrayman46 t1_iye6jy7 wrote

you forgot to factor air resistance and the effect on a liquid mass rather than a solid, also the thermal effect of surronding air currents now being able to affect the liquid mass. Its more than just velocity.

3

DaisyDuckens t1_iyek48r wrote

This so why I never finished my science fiction story. I get so caught up in the science part I lose the fun.

3

Thegrayman46 t1_iyf917e wrote

science is fun, just not school science, real world science...imagine the soup tsunami, hurricane that was created

1

zeropointcorp t1_iyfd9c9 wrote

The soup punches through the atmosphere in 0.24 seconds. Air resistance is ignorable. Air currents aren’t going to do shit.

2

superstrijder15 t1_iye76n3 wrote

well perfectly cooked soup has to be edible afterwards. Can't be edible after slamming into Earth at that kind of speed.

3

adhding_nerd t1_iycryvv wrote

That is in no way how a meteor works but I love the story.

21

BOT_GRIFFIN t1_iyck0de wrote

tbh "sonne" by Rammstein fits perfectly to this...

6

Lycaeides13 t1_iyctih0 wrote

It's raining gazpacho! (Almost as good as raining tacos...)

3

chinesefriedrice t1_iyef8hu wrote

I liked the choice of gazpacho, because it coincides with Souperior's revenge: best served cold

3

Blitz-Drache_Author t1_iyczx07 wrote

What is gazpacho? Good story, I liked the ending and the help given to hold the meteor. I don't know what gazpacho is though. Never heard of it, and by extention never seen or eaten it.

2

Ylsid t1_iyd0a43 wrote

Of course, everyone is needed for stone soup

2

Ill_Aspect5274 t1_iyfat9f wrote

Great stuff mate, kudos for the puns, that bit about mum's lentil soup and teamwork in the end. Only complaint goes towards screaming and yelling meteor. It could have worked if you used a simile, but written like this it's meh.

1