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PTEHarambe t1_iqvggc5 wrote

How does one cheat emotionally without at least the intent of physically cheating?

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iphigenia22 t1_iqvlkcg wrote

Emotional betrayal can and, with the exception of one night stand, it usually does occur long before the sex in affairs - exchanging numbers, hiding texts, allowing a connection to build. It's very easy to tell oneself that it's just fun and banter but that lack of emotional boundary often inevitably leads to deeper attraction and attachment, and that leads to increased likelihood of physical infidelity.

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PTEHarambe t1_iqwo4cn wrote

My hypothetical significant other can try that argument but I ain't buying it.

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iphigenia22 t1_iqwop0w wrote

I'm not quite clear on your meaning; are you saying you would be happy for your (hypothetical) s/o to build up such an emotional attachment with someone else or that you'd expect them to indulge you in your doing so? Or perhaps I've misunderstood entirely?

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PTEHarambe t1_iqwowr9 wrote

When I say "I ain't buying it" I mean that I would not believe it.

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iphigenia22 t1_iqwpa7i wrote

Yes, I got that post, but in what context, not believe what? Did you mean if s/o told you they're just close friends with someone you wouldn't buy it? It's not clear to me what you are not believing in the given scenario.

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PTEHarambe t1_iqwqncm wrote

To be clear obviously me and my s/o will have friends we talk and hangout with separately from one another. That's normal life. I just don't consider that cheating which is what my original comment was questioning. If there was a scenario where that was happening with the intention of getting intimate with said person then that would be something I'd be upset about. I still don't consider it "emotional cheating" I consider it sorta like the law treats conspiring to commit a crime vs actually commiting said crime.

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NeverNotUnstoppable t1_iqxw2nv wrote

>I just don't consider that cheating

Nor does anyone else, are you being deliberately obtuse here? Cheating is any interaction with a potential partner that you feel you need to keep secret from your SO for fear of relationship repercussions.

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iphigenia22 t1_iqwt08a wrote

Right, got you. I'd certainly agree that having other friends to confide in and discuss issues etc is absolutely normal and healthy. That may not have been clear from the above comment alone but I'd written a very long one above and didn't want to repeat the content.

I think most of us over a certain age know when we're approaching that line where a regular friendship begins to have a feeling of being deeper or more significant than it perhaps ought too. A wise person who wishes to protect their relationship will redirect course at that point, a person only out for their own gain will not. We pro-actively protect what we value. A person with integrity who is genuinely committed (in the sense of loyalty not law) will not allow a situation to arise that threatens their established relationship in the first place.

There's certainly nothing wrong with having an attraction to another person whilst in a relationship, but when our actions don't prioritise protecting the relationship over our indulging said attraction under the disingenuous guide of friendship, that's when I'd suggest it begins to creep into the realms of emotional infidelity, ponder it gets to hiding texts and telling white lies it's generally a downhill slope to breaking someone else's heart.

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hannigong4dmi OP t1_iqvhcsx wrote

The example that came up was like having a romantic relationship purely online - so we assume that nothing physical can happen in that instance!

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857477458 t1_iqvhoem wrote

I've definitely slept with many women I met online. The idea that an online relationship can't become real is pretty inconsistent with reality.

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hannigong4dmi OP t1_iqvi9tr wrote

you're a gigachad for real - but this was purely a hypothetical scenario! so just a which one is worse to you in theory

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857477458 t1_iqvk0i2 wrote

The MAJORITY of relationships start online these days. Were literally at the point where if you HAVEN'T slept with someone you met online you're a weirdo. It's not 2005 anymore.

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moral_luck t1_iqvtwj4 wrote

I haven't even met anyone online. But, admittedly, I am a weirdo.

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iphigenia22 t1_iqvvzmz wrote

I love the way you present that as if 2005 is ancient history 😂😂

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857477458 t1_iqvwqpr wrote

I'm not. It's simply that if you told someone in 2005 that you met someone online and wanted to meet IRL they would tell you that it's probably a rapist or serial killer. These days nobody will blink twice about it.

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iphigenia22 t1_iqvx2us wrote

I agree, I meant it in jest, it just made me laugh reading it.

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BBOoff t1_iqw1yxu wrote

By having an intimate relationship with someone. When you are regularly telling them things about your day that bothered or pleased you and how they made you feel because you appreciate their input, while your SO just gets some version of "my day was fine," that is emotional cheating. In general, it is about making someone else your primary source of emotional fulfillment.

Marriage isn't intended to be purely about the sexual relationship, it is also a social and emotional partnership. Outsourcing that emotional partnership to someone outside the marriage without discussing it with your SO is no different from sleeping with someone else.

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