iphigenia22 t1_iqvlkcg wrote on October 3, 2022 at 12:53 PM

Reply to comment by PTEHarambe in In light of the Try Guys' Cheating Scandal, I asked 50 friends whether they thought physical or emotional cheating was worse [oc] by hannigong4dmi

Emotional betrayal can and, with the exception of one night stand, it usually does occur long before the sex in affairs - exchanging numbers, hiding texts, allowing a connection to build. It's very easy to tell oneself that it's just fun and banter but that lack of emotional boundary often inevitably leads to deeper attraction and attachment, and that leads to increased likelihood of physical infidelity.

PTEHarambe t1_iqwo4cn wrote on October 3, 2022 at 5:21 PM

My hypothetical significant other can try that argument but I ain't buying it.

iphigenia22 t1_iqwop0w wrote on October 3, 2022 at 5:25 PM

I'm not quite clear on your meaning; are you saying you would be happy for your (hypothetical) s/o to build up such an emotional attachment with someone else or that you'd expect them to indulge you in your doing so? Or perhaps I've misunderstood entirely?

PTEHarambe t1_iqwowr9 wrote on October 3, 2022 at 5:26 PM

When I say "I ain't buying it" I mean that I would not believe it.

iphigenia22 t1_iqwpa7i wrote on October 3, 2022 at 5:29 PM

Yes, I got that post, but in what context, not believe what? Did you mean if s/o told you they're just close friends with someone you wouldn't buy it? It's not clear to me what you are not believing in the given scenario.

PTEHarambe t1_iqwqncm wrote on October 3, 2022 at 5:37 PM

To be clear obviously me and my s/o will have friends we talk and hangout with separately from one another. That's normal life. I just don't consider that cheating which is what my original comment was questioning. If there was a scenario where that was happening with the intention of getting intimate with said person then that would be something I'd be upset about. I still don't consider it "emotional cheating" I consider it sorta like the law treats conspiring to commit a crime vs actually commiting said crime.

NeverNotUnstoppable t1_iqxw2nv wrote on October 3, 2022 at 10:05 PM

>I just don't consider that cheating

Nor does anyone else, are you being deliberately obtuse here? Cheating is any interaction with a potential partner that you feel you need to keep secret from your SO for fear of relationship repercussions.

iphigenia22 t1_iqwt08a wrote on October 3, 2022 at 5:52 PM

Right, got you. I'd certainly agree that having other friends to confide in and discuss issues etc is absolutely normal and healthy. That may not have been clear from the above comment alone but I'd written a very long one above and didn't want to repeat the content.

I think most of us over a certain age know when we're approaching that line where a regular friendship begins to have a feeling of being deeper or more significant than it perhaps ought too. A wise person who wishes to protect their relationship will redirect course at that point, a person only out for their own gain will not. We pro-actively protect what we value. A person with integrity who is genuinely committed (in the sense of loyalty not law) will not allow a situation to arise that threatens their established relationship in the first place.

There's certainly nothing wrong with having an attraction to another person whilst in a relationship, but when our actions don't prioritise protecting the relationship over our indulging said attraction under the disingenuous guide of friendship, that's when I'd suggest it begins to creep into the realms of emotional infidelity, ponder it gets to hiding texts and telling white lies it's generally a downhill slope to breaking someone else's heart.