It isn't referring to having friends, that's a misunderstanding of the terminology. It is referring to a person building a dynamic with one specific "friend" that must be done with secrecy to prevent damaging or ending the original relationship, and the person putting time, effort and energy into that secund relationship to the detriment of the first, there secund usually had all the hallmarks of an early stage relationship, only it has not yet moved to the nevermind of physical/sexual. Sharing emotions etc with a platonic friend you may have certain private conversations with them but you don't need to hide every interaction you have with them out our shut your vibe with them to your s/o. People aren't stupid, they know very well if they're talking to someone as a genuine friend or if they're developing a dynamic which would deceive and hurt their partner.

From my perspective that's just an incorrect or uninformed understanding of the term as per it's regular definition. It's been used in therapy and socially for years so I don't suppose it's going to current any time soon.

I think you can word it however works best for you, but it's a very well established and used term both in societal and therapeutic circles.

Trust can be broken at many different levels, trust can be broken in a way that's hurtful and infuriating without causing emotional distress. Certainly betrayal by a friend, family member or business partner is an awful experience but in most cases these do not have the hallmark of the unfaithful person having developed a new bond that mimics the basis of the relationship. Emotional infidelity usually involves the perpetrator buildingvs second connection that has many of the signs and feelings of a genuine full relationship, which directly undermines the relationship they're supposedly already invested in.

1. people that screw over their business partner do so for financial gain, it's less intimate and business often comes with such risks. A business partner can do other deals without it having any significance to your business arrangement.

2. The expectations are usually vastly different of friends and family members than of a partner, certainly when it is a marriage. One can easily understand & accept that they don't know about new people their family members get involved with. If your husband were to start having regular lunches or after works drinks alone with a new friend or colleague, that might be something you'd expect to be kept in the loop about. Trust in relationships is commonly built by, amongst other things, revealing ones life to the partner, introducing them to people that are of significance. If eg your sister starts dating a new guy you likely have no cause to be upset that you haven't been told about this new person, and the relationship didn't threshed to replace your own - quite different if it's your spouse. The very act of sharing information about relevant others in your world solidifies bonds already established & increases feelings of trust and safety. When it has to be covered up and hidden then it's likely not a mere platonic friendship, a violation of trust odd taking place even though it's not yet a sexual infidelity

3. People tend to invest a great deal more of their emotional energy and sense of safety in their romantic partnerships. This generally increases with age when relationships become more serious and begin involving children, joint finances etc. A betrayal of that, leaves people's worlds split asunder. By virtue of the very nature of long term committed sexual relationships that bond is very close, very intimate and closeness brings vulnerability. People share their past, their hopes and fears and pains with each other. People usually trust their partner with a level of vulnerability that simply doesn't equal that in business. Having some money stolen is argued but not comparable to heartbreak and having to see the face of that person every morning or going through dividing assets.

I think time is also a factor, I'm not taking about a one off lunch, an ill thought out emoji or a slightly flirtatious singular response, I'm talking about a partner engaging with another person at the level that would only be expected to occur between a couple. I'm talking about consistent deception by the person you love and share your life with, I think for most people in love the experiences is generally devastating and it's always at an emotional level.

I can't offer any statistical evidence but my anecdotal experience is that women often take infidelity with an internal sense of failure on their part, even if their brain tells them it was completely "on him". Men seem to internalise it far less.

The need to understand "why" is more obtainable if the reason was that the husband had an undisclosed sexual attraction or preference for other men. A woman may, after the initial hurt, be able to feel a level of understanding and commission in such a scenario, but when it's with another woman there is no reason that can offer any comfort, the only small solace is absolute honesty to whatever questions she may have.

Often it opens a door for the woman to question if she could have done something to prevent it, analysing her looks, struggling with her stuff esteem etc which in turn less to crippling amounts of insecurity, self doubt and inevitable comparison.

It's quite common for women to become fixated with the "other woman", feeling a need to know about her appearance and personality. I've noted that in instances such as infidelity that women often cling to obtaining information as a way of intenally maintaining some sense of order and control whilst trying to process & make sense of a situation.

Of course this is a large generalisation and there will be plentiful exceptions but such responses are surprisingly common.

How on earth do you connect neurodiversity to this person's comment? It seems as if you're using it as a form of insult rather than a sincere enquiry about neurodiversity, and if that is the case it's both ignorant and ugly.

I don't believe it's the sharing of certain emotions, rather the emotional impact of an undisclosed level of closeness with another specific person that would leave the partner feeling uncomfortable or violated. It's absolutely healthy to share and discuss emotions and issues with friends outside of the relationship, but if that then leads to things always being shared with one person to the detriment of the relationship (because closeness and intimacy build with the friend and not effort is being made to maintain the father energy with the partner), or if private information is being shared without the second partners consent or knowledge, or where the first person has to hide communication or lie about the friend, those amongst other examples would all potentially feel like a violation and betrayal to the partner, which can be emotionally devastating. The "emotional" aspect therefore refers to the degree of emotional connection shared outside the relationship and the emotional impact that has on the unknowing partner, not avoiding sharing certain emotions. The confines of what would be deemed acceptable may vary somewhat within different relationships but most people have a sense of what it means to be engaging in a duplicitous action that needs to be concealed rather than sharing emotions and experiences in a genuine friendship which pose no threat to the relationship.

Right, got you. I'd certainly agree that having other friends to confide in and discuss issues etc is absolutely normal and healthy. That may not have been clear from the above comment alone but I'd written a very long one above and didn't want to repeat the content.

I think most of us over a certain age know when we're approaching that line where a regular friendship begins to have a feeling of being deeper or more significant than it perhaps ought too. A wise person who wishes to protect their relationship will redirect course at that point, a person only out for their own gain will not. We pro-actively protect what we value. A person with integrity who is genuinely committed (in the sense of loyalty not law) will not allow a situation to arise that threatens their established relationship in the first place.

There's certainly nothing wrong with having an attraction to another person whilst in a relationship, but when our actions don't prioritise protecting the relationship over our indulging said attraction under the disingenuous guide of friendship, that's when I'd suggest it begins to creep into the realms of emotional infidelity, ponder it gets to hiding texts and telling white lies it's generally a downhill slope to breaking someone else's heart.

Yes, I got that post, but in what context, not believe what? Did you mean if s/o told you they're just close friends with someone you wouldn't buy it? It's not clear to me what you are not believing in the given scenario.

I'm not quite clear on your meaning; are you saying you would be happy for your (hypothetical) s/o to build up such an emotional attachment with someone else or that you'd expect them to indulge you in your doing so? Or perhaps I've misunderstood entirely?

You're very welcome. I understand your reaction too, and hopefully you've never had nor will have to experience such a situation, because for many people - of any gender - it can be absolutely devastating to have ones trust betrayed and the thing about betrayal is that it is never done by our perceived enemies but by those we loved and had faith in.

Those who cheat aren't necessarily bad people, they're often just emotionally immature, and those who do it repeatedly are most likely caught in a subconscious cycle of wanting love or sometimes just validation but being unable to cope with relationships. People who stay desire multiple offenses are also doing so to try to meet some subconscious need.

IMO it's unfortunate that society promotes falling into relationships so easily and we fail young people by but teaching them the absolute necessity to learn to qualify the people we meet as friends, lovers, partners, business associates etc - so many people end up in messy situations because they simply didn't take the time to qualify and observe someone before granting them access to their life at these levels.

Although there is inherent risk in trusting another person, we humans are wired for connection and will always seek it. That risk can be greatly reduced by knowing ourselves better, being clear about our wants, needs, expectations & boundaries. That self awareness affords us a level of protection. People that give anyone and everyone access to themselves at an emotional and physical level, let alone sexual, often fail to have a full sense of their own worth. If one values something, they naturally protect it, that also applies to our own hearts, sadly many people don't learn that lesson until after theirs has been broken.

For anyone interested in learning more about those things and creating harmonious successful romantic relationships I would suggest The Gottman Institute as a good starting place, check out their IG for example.

I agree, I meant it in jest, it just made me laugh reading it.

I love the way you present that as if 2005 is ancient history 😂😂

Emotional betrayal can and, with the exception of one night stand, it usually does occur long before the sex in affairs - exchanging numbers, hiding texts, allowing a connection to build. It's very easy to tell oneself that it's just fun and banter but that lack of emotional boundary often inevitably leads to deeper attraction and attachment, and that leads to increased likelihood of physical infidelity.

Emotional infidelity is quite a common term. There are many things that could fall into that category, for example a man (swap male/female to whatever suits you, it happens all ways, I'm just giving an example with no intended implications) in a committed relationship becomes involved in a deep friendship with another woman, he begins to confide in her, share secrets with her, spends an increasing amount of time with her and perhaps talks to her about problems in his relationship or shares confidential details of personal information (eg details of their sex life, a pregnancy that hasn't yet been publicly announced, details of his partners finances or medical conditions etc).

He is basically engaging with this woman in a way that would likely be uncomfortable to his partner, possibly unacceptable to her, and may be engaging in texts/ calls that need to be deleted/ hidden, which is a level of deception and not conducive to a strong relationship built on trust.

The partner meanwhile is not initially aware of this friendship, the woman has not - and likely will not - be introduced or even mentioned to the partner because the man enjoys having the attention of the second female and might be using it as a distraction from dealing with issues at home.

Believing all is normal in her relationship she continues to put her time and effort into being a good girlfriend/partner/wife and making her man happy, blissfully unaware at first of what is taking place. This would usually increase over time & begin to increasingly violate the trust and confines of the relationship. The partner is likely to feel a distance or detect a change and may start to become suspicious, feeling she is being left out, or as if she's being lined up to be replaced, and possibly a sense of betrayal.

Remember affairs don't usually begin with sex, they begin with smiles, conversations, a build up of familiarity, shared jokes and flirting etc until the person starts to check out of their existing relationships to fulfil their desires with the new person whilst betraying the loyalty and trust of their partner.

Women are also often more deeply hurt because men don't tend to cheat upwards, the last thing a cheating man wants is a woman who has her shit together just as much or even more than the woman he's got, one who will quickly catch on to his games and emotional immaturity and lack of boundaries, so he cheats with someone who will laugh at his jokes and massage his ego, and for women it's usually devastating because they have a strong habit of comparing themselves to the other woman as a way of trying to understand what needs the man got fulfilled elsewhere that she wants able to fulfill. Men don't usually put themselves through that comparison, they don't tend to assume they were they problem, and thus are usually more disgusted by the (thought of the) physicality of another man touching his woman.