Dating?

Submitted by whoawhoawhooooo t3_zlfk27 in newhaven

I’m on all the apps with no luck. Where can a woman in her early 30s find a kinky man to date? And I’m aware of the local fetish scene too. Shit is rough out here!!

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Usual-Till-742 t1_j05xg60 wrote

Out of curiosity…What is the local fetish scene?

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Drow-Slayer t1_j06hp0z wrote

OkCupid is ok. Other than that, go to the SBC Munch to meet kinksters in person.

My DMs are open. 😉

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airbornemint t1_j06kwa6 wrote

If you haven't been, the Trinity poly/kink crossover monthly munch is nice. (It's on Fetlife.) You won't necessarily find a date there because it isn't a "find a date" munch (those get gross fast), but it would give you an entrypoint into the community and that would likely lead to being aware of other events and socials that are more dating oriented.

Or you can DM me to see if we're compatible 🙂

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beaveristired t1_j06rcud wrote

There are some social (not hookup) meetups / munches listed on fetlife. Idk if The Society in Hartford has found a new space yet but they used go host a lot of events. You can find them on fetlife. There are some local rope / bondage groups as well.

You could try Feeld app. Of the traditional dating apps, OkCupid seems the most kink-friendly.

NYC is also an option and tbh that’s where I do most of my dating. Boston, Providence, Western MA, Hudson Valley are also good nearby options.

Dating in CT absolutely sucks. I’m a queer women but I think it’s worse for straight women. It’s just a barren wasteland according to friends.

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hanginglimbs t1_j071w7n wrote

Replying to beaveristired (#928,026)

Everyone everywhere says the place they live sucks for dating. Especially NYC. I think people just are largely not that interesting and when you start meeting a lot of people, you realize that quickly

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hanginglimbs t1_j072hkm wrote

Get a dog or borrow a dog and go to a dog park. I’ve met most of my local friends and some girls I’ve dated or hooked up with there. If you’re into horror movies, there’s a fairly decent sized horror community here and a lot of great people are part of it.

As for kink-specifically, well, I’ve always just met people through normal channels (apps, work, dog park, concerts, horror events, cons, through friends, etc.) and just hoped that they didn’t have the sexual personality of driftwood when it came to the bedroom.

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beaveristired t1_j075qsm wrote

Replying to hanginglimbs (#928,619)

That’s definitely true everywhere. But it does seem like especially slim pickings here in CT. Lots of married people with families. It’s easier in New Haven than surrounding towns because there are always new, often younger people moving here. Outside of New Haven, it’s pretty dull, though. The joke along my friend group is you either set your radius for 1-2 miles, or you set it 72 miles to include NYC. (Also cuts down on the LI match suggestions - close yet so, so far.) Being queer, I’m used to traveling for dates. The sheer amount of matches in NYC is overwhelming. You’re right, though, most of them likely aren’t very interesting. But at least there’s more options (and fewer unicorn hunters, I swear every third profile in CT is a couple looking for a third).

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TheOrb0fConfusion t1_j07k2xh wrote

Yeah, I'm an early 30s man into the kinkier side. There's a couple of semi-regular munches but I've found they're not really my scene. Sorry, I dont have much actionable advice, just a bit of empathy!

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killitwithkindnesss t1_j08egoc wrote

I’m not too sure about the BDSM/ kink scene but just a month ago there was a furry kinky fetish type convention at the Armon hotel in Stamford, CT.

I also feel for you as I am a late 20’s lesbian woman and am finding no luck with dating in this college town either. I keep thinking its because majority of people here are only staying in NH short term for a job contract or grad program at Yale and probably aren’t looking for something longterm. May have to rely on dating apps to meet someone similar tbh

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