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BiBoFieTo t1_j0ht6a0 wrote

When animal control removed raccoons from inside my roof I asked about keeping them as pets. The guy said:

"There's a reason why raccoons aren't kept as pets. They're violent assholes that will destroy everything you love."

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GreenStrong t1_j0hufb6 wrote

What a bizarre coincidence, I had a technician form a private exterminator service say almost the exact same thing. "There's a reason why raccoons aren't kept as pets. They're violent assholes that will destroy everything you love. Everything! They'll crash your car, sleep with your wife, lie to your parents, max out credit cards in your name... Why Rocky? all I wanted to do was love you."

Did your guy say the second part too? We may have met the same pest control tech.

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thrashette t1_j0i3fcg wrote

Maybe it's part of general pest control training materials.

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Stuthebastard t1_j0i45hj wrote

That, or falling in love with raccoons is a serious workplace hazard for exterminators.

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JennJayBee t1_j0is83r wrote

Mine says he's coming to my home to bring death and destruction.

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BiBoFieTo t1_j0i8e86 wrote

If a raccoon sleeps with your wife, she must be trashy.

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DorisCrockford t1_j0io2ex wrote

I've also had an exterminator tell me that gophers will chew a cat's arm off. Just saying.

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CyberGrandma69 t1_j0ilg7g wrote

Raccoons are the monkeys of North America... meaning they're crafty assholes with burglar hands.

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Wompawompa1 t1_j0jou6l wrote

I love watching the monkeys come through our garden every few days. They usually hang out and eat from the Pecan tree. But fuck they’ve caught me off guard enough times that I know to keep windows closed, and an eye on the front door gate.

I can’t imagine having a raccoon pack roaming about.

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UncannyTarotSpread t1_j0ktw6c wrote

I have two raccoons that like to visit my yard just in case I put out peanuts for the jays.

They have shoulders broader than my pit mix’s. It’s truly impressive. And terrifying.

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alexxerth t1_j0i0f0m wrote

They're less violent if you get them neutered (or spayed i imagine, I'm not actually sure it effects females the same way) before puberty.

The problem is they are smart, they are curious, and they like to dig. So even with them being less violent, they will still destroy everything. They will dig into dry wall. They will get into all your cabinets. They view baby locks as a challenge and will get through them. There is no way to realistically secure all of your belongings in a way that isn't incredibly inconvenient for you.

If they grab something they don't recognize, they will try to wash it. It gives them better tactile feedback and they use their hands to identify things. This includes any electronics.

They are very hard to keep healthy. They are frequently overfed and it's hard to give them proper exercise.

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jigokubi t1_j0id2c4 wrote

>If they grab something they don't recognize, they will try to wash it.

I can't help but picture a raccoon trying to work the taps on a sink.

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RationalLies t1_j0kk5au wrote

There's a reason why so many languages call raccoons "wash bears".

In fact, most of the world actually has a name for raccoon that literally translates to "wash bear". English and French are more unique in that it doesn't reference that name.

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somefool t1_j0k9s74 wrote

Why use the sink when toilets are available?

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jigokubi t1_j0mrrfo wrote

Because the toilet is for the cat to drink out of.

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Blenderx06 t1_j0igznu wrote

Isn't it illegal to keep North American native species as pets to begin with?

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alexxerth t1_j0ihivg wrote

It's legal to have a pet raccoon in 14 states.

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shfiven t1_j0isdjm wrote

I don't really know why anyone would want to keep NA native species as a pets. To my knowledge there are no animals native to north America that have been domesticated, so by default you are keeping a wild animal. For example, I love my bunnies, and I think the little cottontails who live here are adorable, but they aren't the same. As a more drastic example, I also love my cat but can't imagine keeping a mountain lion as a "pet".

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hepakrese t1_j0itq9r wrote

When I was a child, one of my elementary school friend's parents had a bobcat cub as a pet. The arrangement didn't last long.

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Ok-Chart1485 t1_j0ilqlr wrote

Some states bar ownership of locally native animals, but many have more lax rules

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mokutou t1_j0je99i wrote

They also carry a nasty parasite that can make humans incredibly sick.

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73ld4 t1_j0joh0u wrote

The problem is people who want to keep wild animals as pets .

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Krewtan t1_j0in50s wrote

A friend's dad tried it once. As soon as it was nearing adulthood you could not tell it no. They have thumbs too, and they are very observant. Your pantry will get ripped to shreds, and they always seem to find their way back "home".

If you don't want to have to kill a "pet", don't adopt a racoon.

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UncannyTarotSpread t1_j0ktyta wrote

I sometimes wonder if we could breed them for domestication like we’ve done for foxes. Would they start showing brindle patterns and different ear shapes? It’s a fascinating process.

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FeliusSeptimus t1_j114dx6 wrote

I'm kind of surprised there aren't any racoon domestication breeding efforts. It seems like domesticated racoons bred for the purpose would make excellent service animals.

I suppose it would be many years before the animals reached a commercially viable state, but before then you could probably sell a lot of hats.

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queefaqueefer t1_j0iki8s wrote

one time, i stayed at a very small but adorable hotel. went out for some sight seeing, yet somehow, two raccoons broke into the room and proceeded to lock themselves in the bathroom. i came back to the room with a literal murder scene in the bathroom: there was blood everywhere and two mangled, dead raccoons strewn about the bathroom. never let two raccoons lock themselves inside a room, LOL.

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HardlyDecent t1_j0inmql wrote

One of the few (but too many) states where trash bandits can be kept as pets. They're adorable and curious and cuddly, but they are not nice critters, and they're rabies vectors (as most mammals can be).

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BloodBonesVoiceGhost t1_j0itk8m wrote

> "There's a reason why raccoons aren't kept as pets. They're violent assholes that will destroy everything you love."

And thus the pitch for Rocket Raccoon was born!!!

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squigster037 t1_j0juwh8 wrote

Also the rabies vaccine we have is formulated w/ dog blood. We haven't tested to see if it actually is effective on raccoons. So, you know, you can't be sure it doesn't have rabies.

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