Submitted by michaelorth t3_11qnn7w in nottheonion
Comments
thieh t1_jc473o6 wrote
Well, we can't even shit in peace anymore. 😭
[deleted] t1_jc47ek9 wrote
[removed]
DrSmurfalicious t1_jc4a72l wrote
Well, that toilet paper is gonna be even more toxic when I'm done with it.
Jokyho t1_jc4b3x4 wrote
I know my farts are bad but calling my poop “toxic forever chemicals” seems a little harsh.
InflamedLiver t1_jc4bmnb wrote
I'd say my bidet is cleaner, but I'm sure there's a study that shows I'm blowing microplastics from the water up my ass so...
userbrave t1_jc4bo0e wrote
More worried about napkins
GlobalTravelR t1_jc4d9rk wrote
Watch out for the Toilet Paper Industrial Complex. Get a Japanese toilet.
SelectiveSanity t1_jc4dj3q wrote
Could always opt for a metal one.
Linktank t1_jc4elz3 wrote
Hmm.. Where can one procure one of these metal asses?
lapsedhuman t1_jc4gqdi wrote
Well, that's just 'natural' these days, right?
Grandpachill t1_jc4ik9f wrote
Not shocking. Do you know how a tree gets turned into toilet paper? Using an absurd amount of chemical processing.
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oForce21o t1_jc4mwne wrote
toxic heavy metals up the ass? sounds interesting, go on..
Lingua_Blanca t1_jc4rkxx wrote
Shit.
Kind_Bullfrog_4073 t1_jc4rvvu wrote
This is why I just use leaves
420ligmagooch t1_jc4u7ox wrote
Poop knife is looking more and more like a legitimate option in this fucked up timeline lmao....
Rich_xnda t1_jc4wn7v wrote
The study examined 21 popular toilet paper brands from North America, western Europe, Africa, Central America, and South America; however, the brands were not identified.
It seems pointless to name the brands since they are all involved.
vagueblur901 t1_jc51dp1 wrote
Or the 3 sea shells
Kamnera t1_jc51v7x wrote
I'm not sure why they didn't consider sharing the brands and test results to be crucial.
[deleted] t1_jc51wr8 wrote
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convalytics t1_jc54738 wrote
Careful... I just watched this episode of South Park...
splifingate t1_jc554iv wrote
Sounds like a a Times Beach, MO awareness-like moment.
Minionz t1_jc55hfe wrote
Once I read about microplastics in my bidet I moved on to 3 sea shells.
zstandig t1_jc55rnu wrote
Microplastics in the paper and squirty water, so now we gotta use three shells and the poop knife
derek2002 t1_jc57mzm wrote
Yeah, and what aren't they found in again? Toilet paper is the least of my worries.
xEasyActionx t1_jc57zt3 wrote
If its in toilet paper then its probably in paper towels, napkins, facial tissues. Receipt paper is already covered in horribly toxic thermal powder. We're pretty fucked no matter what.
Chinlc t1_jc5brvz wrote
Why is your poop all around the world
Chinlc t1_jc5bujx wrote
You don't wipe your ass with the poop knife dumbo
RadaMorozova t1_jc5eeqz wrote
How do you use the shells?
Here2Derp t1_jc5fgv8 wrote
Ha! I use a bidet and squirt the micro plastics right up into my intestines. I don't use my fingers like a savage!
Pastulio814 t1_jc5jgiy wrote
~huuyeah~
Nikonbiologist t1_jc5ncqd wrote
That’s how he shaves his ass too
nerve_on_a_brain t1_jc5o260 wrote
Haha, he doesn't know how to use the 3 seashells. Hahahhaha.. I can see how that would be confusing
NotAPimecone t1_jc5oirb wrote
You can shit, you just can't wipe.
ShenBear t1_jc5palg wrote
Been around the world don't speak the language, but the booty don't need explainin.
[deleted] t1_jc5q62r wrote
So do they like reuse the seashells or what, it's been like twenty years since I've seen it
[deleted] t1_jc5q8br wrote
Yeah we love giving ourselves cancer, we're very good at it
newaccount721 t1_jc5qk05 wrote
Unfortunately this doesn't feel oniony anymore :/
BlooperHero t1_jc5qk9p wrote
Everything... is chemicals.
newaccount721 t1_jc5qlby wrote
Does it end well??
BlooperHero t1_jc5qom4 wrote
Toxic chemicals are found in nature, yes.
regalrecaller t1_jc5rh1m wrote
regalrecaller t1_jc5ri9i wrote
Hooray for bidet
Ancient-Builder3646 t1_jc5stit wrote
I always use swear words to get me some paper.
Vertebrae_Viking t1_jc5t1ud wrote
There are cancer-giving chemicals in the water too
regalrecaller t1_jc5tr0w wrote
Triple distilled house water.
DieselVoodoo t1_jc5yo8r wrote
Is this the poophole loophole I’ve heard about?
BettmansDungeonSlave t1_jc628jg wrote
Guess we will have to figure out the 3 seashells
MarcusAurelius0 t1_jc62xwy wrote
If you drink bottled water you are ingesting microplastics.
soda-jerk t1_jc6btlh wrote
PFAs are in the water -> The toilet paper manufacture process uses a shitload of water -> PFAs in your toilet paper.
To me, that explains why recycled toilet paper had just as many PFAs as regular.
TKDbeast t1_jc6l20h wrote
Microplastics exist, but they're nowhere near as bad as the initial articles said they were. Here's a quick 4-minute video on it.
convalytics t1_jc6otaf wrote
Only for the toilet paper companies.
Arigato_MrRoboto t1_jc87k64 wrote
Gotta watch out for that dihydrogen monoxide.
pellicle_56 t1_jc88yf0 wrote
shh, brother, we are not in that future yet. Our role is only to observe.
limukala t1_jc9a7h9 wrote
Certainly not more than once
Arigato_MrRoboto t1_jc46f1a wrote
Headline : Chemicals used in fucking everything.