My parents are conservative and controlling I cant do anything and I live in a rural area

I’m bisexual and queer and my parents wouldnt accept me trying to lose weight and fitting into more femme clothing, my only choice is to keep bulking and look like a full bear

I also have no friends, im so alone because my parents won’t let me live on college campus. Im in computer science too and i really do not enjoy it

Running away from home would probably be hell but I dream of being able to work somewhere with people my age on a super low income until i build up my portfolio and work in IT

Edit: I forgot to mention I can get my hands on about 13k$ immediately it is in my name

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stew_pit1 t1_iu2263q wrote on October 27, 2022 at 11:46 PM

You're 19. You're not "running away from home." You're leaving home to pursue your own interests and passions, and with $13,000 you absolutely can.

First thing you'll want to do is acquire housing, so I'd figure out where you want to go to school and move there. Use some of your $13k to get temporary housing while you find a job so that you have income and can then get a lease of your own (or look around for people looking for roommates if you're comfortable with that. )

Once you're set up with a job and a place to live, it's just go to work, go to school when you're ready and live your life as you please in between.

SuperS0l t1_iu1yi02 wrote on October 27, 2022 at 11:18 PM

How do you know your parents won’t accept you losing weight? Why do you have to bulk? That part does not make sense to me

horriblyefficient t1_iu3idx2 wrote on October 28, 2022 at 8:06 AM

sounds like their parents are aggressively demanding adherence to a specific gender presentation.

SuperS0l t1_iu3ulvt wrote on October 28, 2022 at 10:55 AM

OP never said that though.

That’s the problem we can’t assume that. How do we know what conversations they’ve had with their parents? How do we know it’s not all assumption. This whole “I can’t do anything” is very vague.

They said since they can’t lose weight they have to gain? That doesn’t make any sense. I doubt a parent is telling their kid to gain weight unless this person could be unhealthily thin and to them that looks “femme”

They’re 19 talking about “running away from home” it just sounds like a bad idea waiting to happen.

horriblyefficient t1_iu3y48g wrote on October 28, 2022 at 11:33 AM

I'm not sure this is really relevant to their question.

but, controlling parents can do very illogical things. I don't see why we should doubt this OP more than any of the other young people who come here asking how to get away from abusive parents.

SuperS0l t1_iu4121b wrote on October 28, 2022 at 12:03 PM

That aspect is very important. You know how many kids assume their parents feel a certain way because of how their parents act towards others and just assume that’s how they will act towards them?

There’s so many kids being told that their parents are evil when their parents are just ignorant to what’s going on.

My question could have been answered by OP and we would have had more insight into the situation.

Absolutely no one should be providing advice with this much information? There’s no specifics. “I live in a rural area and can’t do anything” I’ve felt that way cause I was bored?

People are so quick to jump and assume things and provide advice.

horriblyefficient t1_iu7bnk3 wrote on October 29, 2022 at 2:37 AM

this is a sub for personal finance, not familial relationship management.

op hasn't responded to any comments, my answering with my best guess hasn't stopped them from answering you.

SuperS0l t1_iu7drzp wrote on October 29, 2022 at 2:56 AM

Oh no I know I didn’t mean it as a sleight to you.. just the post itself didn’t seem well thought out

guachi01 t1_iu22exr wrote on October 27, 2022 at 11:48 PM

If you're 19 you don't run away from home. You're an adult. You just leave.

You'll need some source of income and a place to stay. Might also need loans or grants to pay for college. It's rough being poor and on your own.

Kansasstanza t1_iu22e3n wrote on October 27, 2022 at 11:48 PM

Is it possible for a 19 year old to support themselves while going through community College? Yes. How do I know? I did it and about everyone I went to school with did too.

ShanghaiNick t1_iu1xjm4 wrote on October 27, 2022 at 11:10 PM

You may want to check out hostels that have a PT work/stay setup or IT internships that can provide housing. There are options out there depending on where you want to go but you may have to work hard with a job or two along with college. It's not impossible, but it is what many would consider difficult.

Just spend the time to research and make a solid plan and backup. If you can manage to leave your house amicably, you may want to consider how to strategically remove yourself on good terms. Wish you all the best. Keep asking questions!

infinityupontrial t1_iu2lnds wrote on October 28, 2022 at 2:15 AM

Is your parents on the same bank account that money is in? If so get it out ASAP into an account at an entirely different bank.

BlueSafeJessie t1_iu3gc6n wrote on October 28, 2022 at 7:37 AM

You're 19. You should have moved out a year ago.

Don't run away. Prepare to move. Research jobs, and apartments. Suffer through this semester at home, then take the next semester off so you can move and start working. Then pick back up at CC once you're settled.

Or, just move to campus and keep studying. Your parents can't stop you. Your school can help you find a job. Transfer to a major you like. But don't pick one that that won't be useful later on.

Right away, without telling your parents, go to the bank and open a checking account in your name only. Put the 13k there where nobody else can get to it. Then a savings account, too. Learn how to budget right away, that 13k will not last long.

Also, find a mental health counselor. You badly need one. Your school should be a source for that. They probably have an LGBT support group or club, too. Go there.

LizDances t1_iu26c3k wrote on October 28, 2022 at 12:18 AM

Yes. But before you do anything, definitely read the portion of the Wiki aimed at people in similar situations: https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/teachme/

clearwaterrev t1_iu2d7ri wrote on October 28, 2022 at 1:11 AM

If you find a job that will pay you a decent amount ($15+/ hr) and give you 30+ hours per week, you can likely afford to move out and get an apartment with roommates. If you can find a job within walking/ biking/ bussing distance of your college campus, even better, because then you won't need a vehicle.

horriblyefficient t1_iu3nvhh wrote on October 28, 2022 at 9:27 AM

are you going to classes on campus at least? is there a student services office? there might be resources from the college to help students at risk of homelessness, which you almost sound like you are.

you say you don't enjoy computer science, but you still want to work in IT. are you sure you still want to go down that path? if you are, you might actually be better off talking to the university about emergency housing on campus and financial support or loans for students who are disconnected from their parents.

as for the money, get a bank account at a bank your parents don't use. if your $13k is in an account your parents know about, keep an eye on it but don't move it until you leave, so you don't tip them off that you're leaving. it doesn't sound like they would take it well.