You may find these links helpful:

• 401(k) Fund Selection Guide
• 401(k) FAQs
• "How to handle $"

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No, 401k goes directly to your spouse, I'm pretty sure that is law. You can list your children as secondary beneficiaries in the event you do not have a spouse or if you pass together.

Speak to an estate/elder law attorney.

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No.

ERISA is a federal law governing many aspects of qualified retirement plans. One aspect of which is that qualified 401 and 403 plans (I don’t remember about 457) always go to a spouse upon death of the owner, unless said spouse has explicitly waived that right.

This is so important, I would speak with an estate attorney to be 100% sure.

The 401k will be paid to the stated beneficiary that you list on that account.

There may be laws in your state that prevent you from naming anyone/anything other than your spouse as beneficiary of your 401k without your spouse's consent? Contact your 401k provider and request a beneficiary change form (the form may require spouse's signature)

If spouse doesn’t sign off, they are the beneficiary not the trust/children.

The spouse would have to sign off (via notarized documentation) that they are okay with you changing the beneficiary from them (the spouse) to the trust.