throwawayOvershare1 OP t1_jefw2wr wrote on March 31, 2023 at 6:39 PM

Reply to comment by MarvellousIntrigue in My gf (24f) broke up with me (30m) after a month into an overseas trip by throwawayOvershare1

Those messages were very cold.... I was in training when the whole Russia/Ukraine thing kicked off and I have relatives on both sides. I was pretty sleep deprived and stressed during most of the training and it showed when I came back.
6 guys thing, it's that they were all one night stands over a short period of time and it hurt when I found out.
But the fact that she almost had a kid (unintentionally) with a guy during our break hurt the most.
Thanks for putting a logical spin on this. It helps.

MarvellousIntrigue t1_jefxf38 wrote on March 31, 2023 at 6:48 PM

That’s really mean! Military training is extremely tough! She should be proud of you! Not putting you down! It’s a very honourable thing for you to be doing!!

Yeah, right. I get it might be hard to hear about the one night stands, but you can’t let someone’s past effect how you see them now. It’s about the here and now and the kind of person they are towards you now. The amount of sexual partners doesn’t define someone. Noting that in the here and now, she seems like a horrible person! Someone that only cares for herself!

I totally understand about the miscarriage/relationship. That would hurt anyone! I would find it very hard to move past that and get back with someone. Especially considering how she is treating you! You deserve way better! Don’t settle for anyone! She is behaving in a very flippant manner, and that isn’t the kind of person I would ever want to be with!

throwawayOvershare1 OP t1_jeg4ufe wrote on March 31, 2023 at 7:38 PM

Appreciate the response. Amount of sex partners can affect the ability to pair bond though, and unfortunately it seems like that is the case with her :(.
But yeah, her having unprotected sex with another guy and not telling me till much later, definitely hurt. Definitely questioned things, but again it's so hard to be logical when you genuinely like someone.

MarvellousIntrigue t1_jeg7hqx wrote on March 31, 2023 at 7:55 PM

What do you mean, ‘affect the ability to pair bond’?? Sorry, I don’t mean to sound rude, but that is honestly the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

People will bond and become attached to someone if they feel a connection with them and like them for who they are as a person. How many people you have had sex with prior is irrelevant. It has no baring whatsoever on whether you will bond and have a connection with the next person.

My husband had slept with 40 women before we met. He is the most loving and caring man to me. Our bond is stronger than any I have ever had. We trust each other completely, and hence him being totally open and honest with me about his life before me.

People can have attachment issues because of childhood trauma with parents/family, but sexual partners from one night stands because you are just living carefree, not so much!

I’m thinking your view on this is cultural/religious?? I understand your view. I just don’t believe the two things are related.

Yeah, that last part, unprotected sex etc. she just seems like she doesn’t care. She seems very selfish tbh. You seem like a good dude! I would try and put it behind you and move forward to find someone that deserves you.