No worries (and happy to help!), I wish you both all the best.

Have you considered that you too might also be carrying hangups from your past? I think you are focusing on what she said too much.

You need to appreciate this relationship for what it is and take things at a pace that is right for you both. Enjoy the moments and don't let your different respective pasts ruin the present time.

She is just being realistic with you. But you both also need to realize that there are no guarantees in a relationship this young, regardless of your age. Even if she's gotten somewhat better I think your GF is still struggling a lot with her past traumatic events, did she ever recieve any therapy for what she went through?

Seriously dude I would overlook you because as you are right now you are just one big ball of red flags. You really need to get your shit together and take some responsibility for yourself. You have no-one but yourself to blame here for why things ended with your Ex, she was right to lay down some boundaries. I've given you some practical and positive advice but there's no helping you when you're intent on whinging and shitting on yourself at every opportunity possible.

Ask any woman out there what they look for in a man and I guarantee you that none will go "Well...For starters he must be really depressed and have 0 belief in working on himself, be a constant ball of stress filled with insecurities and use me to get over his Ex. Oh, and I'd really like it if he also looks down on women, has misogynistic attitudes, self-deprecates himself constantly and ruined his previous relationship from cheating on his girlfriend and then trying to control her".

But sure. Definitely women's fault that you keep on getting rejected.

Trust me, people who go on dates back-to-back aren't practicing anything healthy (its a very problematic behaviour) and aren't as confident as they seem. You need to get over this whole "Popular people have life better" mindset stuff, the grass is never as green on the other side as you'd think.

They really don't. Just because someone gets a lot of attention doesn't mean that getting over a broken heart and a bunch of failed hopes for a meaningful relationship is any easier. Most of the attention women get from men is unwelcome and adds little to their quality of life.

Also, nothing is more valuable than working on yourself. You are going to face a lot of rejection in life but if you learn how to fundamentally value yourself such things will bounce off you're made of teflon. Confidence comes from within and not other people!

Nobody like's a self-deprecating and needy person either. You didn't like your GF looking for validation from others, but with how you're behaving how you are any different? Because it sounds like you base your self-esteem on being validated by others even more than she did (and perhaps this is why you hated her TikToks so much? Because you were projecting your insecurities onto her). It;s pretty hyprocitical to accuse her of hoe behaviour when deep down, you're just as hoe for the attention of the opposite sex as she was.

Stop obsessing over getting attention. And don't use people to get over people. You're not acting respectable or mature here. If you want a better people and a better life, then you need to be the kind of person in it that you want to attract.

Give it a couple of days because she is likely collecting her thoughts & emotions on the matter too, but don't leave it too long because otherwise the conversation will became harder to bring up.

I think it would also be a good idea for you to both meet up in person to talk about this.

Erm, no girls don't "move on the next day or so", they are just as feeling as men are. Using people to move on from other people is also foolish (hearts don't work like that), this Reddit is full of people trying to seek advice after suffering problems because they rushed into new relationships before getting over old ones. Plus it is also quite devaluing to other people to be used like this; how would you like it if someone was only talking to you so that they could stop thinking about someone else?

You two were in a relationship. You need time to heal and work on yourself and get over this one before you venture out into the dating scene again. Don't use women to validate, medicate or distract yourself; you need to learn how to value and make peace with yourself on your own terms.

You developed trust and possiveness issues because of how you yourself behaved, this is your karma. This relationship was not healthy and your GF has done the right thing by forming some strict boundaries.

What is actually different about the you now VS the one she blocked? Have you done any work on yourself at all, or have you just simmered, obsessed and smoked away during all this time?

Please find healthier ways of coping with your issues. And don't just get back with someone because you find it hard putting yourself out there in the dating scene. There's no point in talking about valuing connections when you treated your GF like this (cheating followed by control and possiveness).

You need to work on yourself before you get back onto the dating scene.

You both cheated on your spouses. And the alcohol is not the cause of this; you two have clearly been holding in a lot of feelings towards each other for a long time.

You can't forgot what happened. And these feelings that surfaced are not going to go away if you keep on being friends.

You two need to have a conversation about what happened and your real feelings towards each other. Friends don't have sex with each other by accident. If you 2 have a thing for each other then you need to get realistic and end things with your respective spouses because otherwise (sooner or later) you will cheat on them again.

Her playing games in your community isn't the sort of social contact she needs though. Whilst this might be enough for you, for many people it is not. You also need more than just meal time together. When was the last time you went out on a date, like going to a theme park or zoo together?

You do sound very caring, but do you think your GF might be suffering from depression? It's not healthy for someone to be so socially isolated and un-engaged with life. Does your GF work? Does she have any interests?

Dude, she's just not into videogames. And I think you need to accept that than continually trying to incorporate them into your relationship together.

You shouldn't need to give up videogames, but if you play them so much it leaves no actual time for any quality time in your relationship together, then you have a problem with videogame additction. Videogame time should completely not replace date or down time together nor interfere with your sex life.

If you don't have time to meet the basic needs of a relationship because of the extent to which you play videogames, then you need to be realistic about this. Your GF is telling you that she's not into games but you are ignoring that because you don't want to cut down on any of your game time for her. Will your GF always come 2nd to your full-time videogame schedule?

You aren't really meeting half way for her at all if your version of meeting half way is to try to make her play games with you (and you won't accept anything else other than some version of that). How about you agree to playing videogames a little less and doing something IRL with her once or twice a weel? Because this is what she needs (and it's not a tall ask).

You trying to bait him wasn't good but his transgression is much larger. Just be straight with him and end things, its obvious that he was going to hook up with the fake profile person you created.

You shouldn't have agreed to get back with him when you hadn't forgiven him for what he did and there were no signs that anything had fundamentally improved. I think that it would be better for you if you get more realistic about how you actually feel than continuing on in this relationship (which as it currently stands, also sounds deeply unpleasant to be in and virtually a non-relationship).

Don't stoop to his level. With each passing day you are just wasting more of your time, heart and youth in your relationship, you need to break up.

Then why are you so admantly convinced that he cares about you as much as you do him?

I think you need to face up to the fact here that you are very poor at forming boundaries and that your partner simply isn't that invested in your relationship. You deserve to be with someone who cares about you as much as you do them.

No worries and good luck!

Bringing up these issues shouldn't be hurtful to him. And if he really loves you, it will matter a lot for him to discover that he has been making you feel so dismissed (and he will want to do something about it).

"What ways is he supposed to?"- for example putting any effort into your sex life, gift giving, going out together and caring about important things going on in your life (Etc). As a couple you should be putting in equal efforts for each other.

Telling someone you love them is easy. And I'm pretty sure that even if you weren't together, he would still work hard at his job.

"Protective"- In what ways is he protective? Caring about your partner is a super basic requirement.

Look, people can get comfortable and lazy in relationships. You feel dismissed and unsatisfied because you have good reasons to. But any suggestion from people here that your partner might be at fault of this and you get immediately defensive about him. It sounds like you don't want to deal with the source of the problems where they actually lie and are just trying to blame/rationalize yourself into accepting these negative feelings as your own fault and responsibility.

If your partner won't put in effort (and you won't address your partners lack of effort), then there is no hope of anything getting better.

You need to communicate these thoughts to him and meet half-way more in your love languages (for example he hugs & kisses you more whilst you put some effort into gift giving Etc). And make time for each other! Go on some dates.

Re: depression. You should really go get that diagnosed, especially if you suspect that this has been going on since childhood. You could have clinical depression and if so, this can be easily cured/countered with medication. Don't put up with health issues any longer than you have to, this depression is also likely negatively exacerbating issues in your self esteem and relationship.

Actions speak louder than words. Getting comfortable and codependent in a relationship is not the same thing as really valuing another.

"I just don't think he shows it in the same ways I do"- Like what ways exactly? Bceause it sounds like he doesn't show it in almost any ways at all.

It doesn't sound like your fiance values you very much (or is even that into you) and that you love him an awful lot more than he does you. If your fiance will not put any effort into either your sex life or broader things in the relationship, then nothing you do will change anything. I would seriously consider calling off the wedding because once he is married that will make him even less incentivised to change.

If she won't help herself then there's nothing you can do. You need to be honest with her and make her understand that her issues are upsetting you and are affecting the relationship that you have together. Emphasize that you love her to bits (Etc) but encourage her to seek therapy if her insecurity issues are this chronic. You also need to discourage negative behaviours like the obsessive picture taking and deleting because this is just making everything worse.

If she's cheated on you then you need to get tested. Some STD's like chlamydia can show no symptoms for years on end and left untreated, can cause infertility in both men and women alike.

I think your gut instinct is telling you that more went on than what she has admitted to, and you're probably right. The trust has been broken and you can't even hope to restore things if the whole truth has not come out.

I think you need to decide what is right for you, and give yourself a bit of space to process things before then. Some relationships never heal from cheating. I know you mention stuff like family, but staying with someone just because they come with a family is a bad idea. You need to judge this relationship by its merits (and by its own merits-only).

You have been betrayed. It doesn't matter if it happened a long time ago, it took up until now for her to confess. I wonder why she's suddenly telling you now (perhaps an old flame threatened to tell all)? I would go get yourself tested for STD's.