Looked at my partner's old pictures, should I confess?

Submitted by Aitathrowaway9085 t3_yiodg5 in relationship_advice

I (39m) have been with my partner (39f) for two years and we live together.

A few days we were having a bit of a domestic clear out and we found some old phones. I offered to copy the data and clear them for her and she agreed. There were some jokes about boob pictures, so I couldn't help myself and had a look at through the photos without her necessarily knowing. Some of them were slightly hidden (dick move on my part I know).

What I found was much more graphic than simple boob pictures. All except one of them predate our relationship.

I've been acting noticeably weird around her ever since (she has pointed this out). Hasn't helped that we've not been able to spend much time together for various reasons.

Should I fess up, or pretend I never saw anything?

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OnlyFactsMatter t1_iujnj22 wrote

Replying to Aitathrowaway9085 (#403,229)

>No, but lots of dildo and butt plug and some BDSM fetish pics

Oh, if it's not with another guy then you should be good. If the pics were for another guy it'd be tough though. Were they meant for another guy? Does she send/do kinky stuff with you?

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NickDixon37 t1_iujo3jv wrote

>Should I fess up, or pretend I never saw anything?

Pretending you never saw anything would make sense - if you could 100% never hold it against her.

But given the reaction that you already described, the next best thing would be to tell her that you saw some pictures - and while you were kind of surprised (and a little confused). But no harm no foul. IF that's something you can honestly do.

While if you're going to hold it against her for as long as you're together - then she deserves to hear the truth - so she can decide whether or not you're worth putting up with.

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OnlyFactsMatter t1_iujo3yj wrote

Replying to Aitathrowaway9085 (#403,405)

> They were all sent to another guy (or guys judging by the dick pics I found...) but before we got together. > >

Ouch. Yeah you're never going to get over that, especially since she doesn't do kinky stuff with you. Seems like you're the settle down dude.

This kind of happened to me once. So yeah this is over.

Sorry to have to tell you that.

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oiler1996 t1_iujq5bn wrote

Did she send them to anyone well you were together? was she indirectly wanting to receive dick pics back and was she receiving them whem together? if it was before you dated then dont stress it. Maybe you can drop it casually or as a joke about it so it doesnt come out as ackwardly

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oiler1996 t1_iujrbwj wrote

Replying to Aitathrowaway9085 (#404,761)

Did she send it to someone during that time or was it just for her? The ones before i wouldnt worry about that was before your relationship and isnt that big of a deal in my opinion, but the one during is odd. If anything yea talk to her say you seen them when transfering over the files and want to discuss it if she is willing, then go from their

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oiler1996 t1_iujs9mm wrote

Replying to Aitathrowaway9085 (#405,270)

Honestly the only way to find out is to talk to her, if not then your gonna always have thoughts about this and may eventually think she is cheating, i think its better to nip this now before it grows into something much larger

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OnlyFactsMatter t1_iuk8xe6 wrote

Replying to oiler1996 (#404,970)

> The ones before i wouldnt worry about that was before your relationship and isnt that big of a deal in my opinion,

I disagree. It's not her fault obviously, but mentally I'd never get over it.

Plus, it shows her doing kinky stuff that she wouldn't do for him. So mentally, it's just a dealbreaker.

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oiler1996 t1_iukawp8 wrote

Replying to OnlyFactsMatter (#414,869)

Alright yea i could see that being a dealbreaker for some people, to me it shows she either doesnt trust OP with kinky shit, doesnt think she will enjoy it with him, or she has outgrown that phase of her life, but for her to have the photos still 2 years later i would agree it is a dealbreaker for me aswell.

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