When he tries to fix the problem and your just trying to vent ask him to let you finish talking first, explain you want him to just listen as you were stressed throughout the day and just need him to be a pair of ears at the moment. If after your done he has solutions listen to his response, even if its not a good one just thank him for listening and you apprechiate him.

For him not wanting to talk about his feelings and emotions their isnt much you can do about that outside of reassuring him your their if he ever wants to talk and making sure he is comfortable doing so.

On option for councilling is for you to start out solo and then try and have him join in after you have gone a few times, this way he may be more willing knowing you have gone and you havent left him. Try explaining its not about fixing but its about growing together and becoming better for eachother

Have you ever expressed to him how you want him to support you when you are talking about your emotions or feelings? I know it sounds odd but some people are just really arent good at feelings and instead of discussing them they push them away, so telling him the kind of support would help.

Starting with smaller issues to discuss will help too, if you go to him with something thats stressful or difficult and he doesnt know how to respond it may cause him to shut down, but if you build up to something like that with him he may be more receptive to helping.

Maybe start by asking him to just let you vent to him first, then start asking for his opinion on whats going on.

Would he be open to seeing a councilor with you? that way you can discuss your feelings and they can provide him with tips and tricks on how to respond and help you?

I think it may be best to distance yourself from the friend abit, its ok to go to someone for outside advice and perspectives but your husband should be the guy your talking to the most about your issues. I understand that he doesnt want to do that but he needs to be an active part in the emotional aspect of your life. Right now he benefits because assumingly he gets the sex and fun stuff and sends you away to deal with emotions with someone else. Now your feeling guilt about sharing and becoming so close to the best friend when in reality you did what your husband wanted. I think you need to talk to your husband about this and explain you need him to step up emotionally for you, it will bring you closer together in doing so.

I misunderstood i thought you just opened up after meeting this new guy, thats why it sounded planned to me, my apologies.

But yes even though you both agreed to an open relationship i think once you both start sleeping around it will end the relationship. At some point one of you will refuse sex with the other and an insecurity will pop up, do they enjoy another person more, am i not good enough anymore, do they get more outside so they dont need me, am i just an emotional support partner? Its like having a threeway and your partner showing more attention to the other person, it will eventually rub you the wrong way and cause issues.

I honestly think that if a relationship isnt open at the beginning then it should stay closed, more times then not if you open up later in a relationship it ends badly. Just my opinion, never really kool with the thought of my partner fucking someone else or building intimacy with someone.

Did you want to open it up because of the connection with this other guy? It is suspisous that you met him at a music festival and now want him to be your first for the open relationship, seems kinda planned out. Trapped how? Im letting you know this wont ruin the open relationship part of your relationship, sleeping with other people will ruin the entire relationship, you will both he single if you go through with this.

why would you open up a 7 year relationship? Talk to your bf about ground rules and bring up this guy? Is this guy in question the reason you wanted to open the relationship? Hope you understand that opening up a relationship that is this far in is usually a terrible idea and it will probably end horrible with it ending the relationship

why the fuck would you keep old videos and pictures of you fucking other guys if your in a commited relationship? i dont buy the whole i forgot excuse, you just didnt want to give up the videos, now that you got caught keeping videos of your exs you deleted them but you never had any intent on getting rid of them. Of course hes fucking insecure now, he assumes you kept the videos because you would watch and get off to them and you enjoyed the others guys so much you recorded it.

Now dont get me wrong hes a dickhead for going through your phone and pressuring you for sex. Neither of you seem muture enough to actually have a serious relationship.

This is gonna end in a messy break up

You knew their was a chance and he did just that he left you, now you accept it and move on, why harp on the past sense you cant control that. Focus on the future and do what you must to be happy

What did you expect, "hey i romanically like someone else even though im with you" of course hes gonna dump you, hes not gonna wait arounf for you to leave him or cheat. Move on and find someone else thats poly

Alright yea i could see that being a dealbreaker for some people, to me it shows she either doesnt trust OP with kinky shit, doesnt think she will enjoy it with him, or she has outgrown that phase of her life, but for her to have the photos still 2 years later i would agree it is a dealbreaker for me aswell.

Just tell the friends that after a talk with your boyfriend you are wishing to continue the relationship with him, explain he took responsiblity for his actions apologized and after talking you decided it was worth continuing and trying together. If they can accept you being happy and arent willing to try and get past this one incident then they arent good friends and they would have found another reason to bail on you eventually. If you see a serious future with this man then i say try with him, focus on what makes you happy and if that is him them focus on that. At the end of the day you being happy is the most important thing, dont let others bring you down because they are currently miserable

We dont know if she refuses to do the same kinky shit with him. But i do understand how this could be a dealbreaker for some people

So from what i got from this is your so called friends spent the entire time trying to get him to argue and angry and they kept pushing him. The more he drank the more they were trying to get him going and it worked. They managed to get him angry and yelling at them and you, they dont seem like good friends at all, no matter who you date they will probably pull the same shit every time because they are miserable and you were somewhat happy before they got involved. As per your other comment, your boyfriend apologized this morning and didnt make you choose sides and said he would understand if you left him, your friends on the other hand started gossiping to another friend to get you to leave him and choose them instead, this comes across as some highschool jealous bullshit on the friends side. If you want to stay with bf try talking to him about setting boundaries when drinking with friends

In a commited relationship you should feel comfortable expressing yourself no matter what the circumstances are, you felt she was being flirty, so you brought it up to her, it should have been discussed and solved then. You should be able to talk about anything and if you didnt get to the bottom of the issue then you should bring it up again. I say talk to her again and express your self and go from there

I can see how that comes across as flirty, ignoring your partner and giving someone else attention can be seen as flirting. was she defensive about this, what was her reaction?

why do you think she was flirting?

Honestly the only way to find out is to talk to her, if not then your gonna always have thoughts about this and may eventually think she is cheating, i think its better to nip this now before it grows into something much larger

Did she send it to someone during that time or was it just for her? The ones before i wouldnt worry about that was before your relationship and isnt that big of a deal in my opinion, but the one during is odd. If anything yea talk to her say you seen them when transfering over the files and want to discuss it if she is willing, then go from their

Did she send them to anyone well you were together? was she indirectly wanting to receive dick pics back and was she receiving them whem together? if it was before you dated then dont stress it. Maybe you can drop it casually or as a joke about it so it doesnt come out as ackwardly

See normally i would agree but because they have a daughter i wouldnt wish the young one to be raised with both of them in the same house. The daughter deserves to grow up in a loving household not one like she is in now

So you cheated, hes abusive, he wants to mess around with other women to make it even. Both of you suck for different reasons but you shouldnt be together, neither of you understand how to actually be in a commited relationship. Break up

No problem man, good luck, go find someone who treats you right

Dude i know it sucks to lose someone who you care about but look at the behaviour she presented you with, a break for girls night is her wanting to have a one night stand and cheat without it being labeled as cheating. She didnt want to disappoint her friends but she is fine with disrespecting you and being rude to you. She throw the promise ring at you, thats not something that someone does if they love you, she knew what she was doing the whole time and choose to do it, its not a good idea to take her back. Its only a matter of time till this happens again and she is disrespectful again. It sucks but its best to dump her and move on. She probably did something on girls night she regrets but she will never tell you, dont take someone back who doesnt treat you proper

Bad choice my friend you shouldnt have taken her back, she breaks up with you for a girls night out, she probably got with a guy thats why she wanted the break to start is to try him out, she completely disrespected you by throwing the promise ring at you and leaving, then after all these bad choices and she probably did do another guy that night, she comes crying to get you back, dont be a damn back up plan or safe option she doesnt love or respect you. Dump her for good and then block

Make sure when you do get invited out you express how much it means that she took your concern to heart and is trying and that you apprechiate her for doing so, that simple compliment to her will mean alot and she will feel more inclined to continue to invite you. Good luck man