We’ve been together for 5 years and married for almost two and we just had a beautiful baby boy 8 weeks ago. I know the postpartum stage is hard and we’ve both been through it. But it feels like the more time goes on instead of getting better, the more different he’s becoming. At 8 weeks i have gotten over the stress of a newborn, we’re all in a good routine. My husband doesn’t work, we found out he had cancer right after we found out we were pregnant (immunotherapy has done the trick and he’s now on maintenance doses once a month and feels normal physically). He is doing flight lessons, he doordashes if he wants extra cash, he plays music. He has time away from the baby and I when needed. I let him sleep from 10-11ish pm to 8-9am and I’m up with the baby all night. BUT the last few weeks he’s become this monster of a person. He slams doors when he’s upset, he slammed his hand down on his phone right next to me while I was holding our baby all because I asked him to do something. We were at the store picking up food and he got back in the car and all I said was oh I forgot the sauce, do you mind getting it. He rolled his eyes, got out and slammed the door and stormed off. It’s the littlest things, like I was showing him pictures and I was “swiping too fast” and he slapped my hand out of the way. I was completely flabbergasted. He’s never done anything like that to me before. He said “oh it’s not that hard” and tried to use the excuse I was making him anxious. He’s raised his voice at me and then apologizes later for it. And I told him last night he just keeps apologizing and then continuing to do it then it’s not a real apology. He just sat there quiet. Idk if it’s my fault because I forgive him so easily, we hug and kiss and then I’m usually not upset anymore (until he does it again). I want this to work, I understand he’s still dealing with a lot mentally from having cancer and a new baby. But today I got upset because I just wanted to do one of those pumpkin crafts with the baby and he’s rolling his eyes and stomping around (because he clearly doesn’t want to and won’t say it). I asked him to get the spray paint out of the garage and he stomps over to the door and I just lost it. Just frustrated from how hes been i started crying. He comes back in, says “oh just stop it” and goes back outside to spray paint the craft we had. He has never just left me upset and crying. He’s always been very tentative and he’ll sit with me and talk me through it. (For example I was 38 weeks and he did literally nothing but I was bawling in the car and he felt bad all week about it, he kept bringing it up saying he was so sorry and he hates seeing me like that, but fast forward 10 weeks he doesn’t care) He comes back in, I’m crying even harder now because this isn’t the man I married. And he just goes and sits with the baby. I just feel like he doesn’t care anymore. I know they say wait a year but having him around is making me more stressed out. I’ve tried talking to him, he says I know, I’ll do better, I’m sorry. I’m just lost.

I will also mention after the first two weeks of having the baby, he stopped going out of his way for me. The baby was cluster breastfeeding, I was stuck on the couch or the bed for hours. I would forget to eat or drink (some days I even forgot to brush my teeth, it was rough). And before he’d make sure my water was full, he’d make me something to eat, he’d clean up, do the dishes. But that changed. He started asking me to make dinner or do the dishes because he hates a full sink etc. it was very stressful. I was dealing with a lot of SI, I’ve had PPD but it’s gotten better. Around week 4-5 he started talking a lot about sex and he can’t wait to ‘fuck’ me. All while I’m sitting there up all night with the baby, sleep deprived, dehydrated, haven’t showered. I felt very pressured and over whelmed. We had a long talk about it and it turned into an argument before I finally blurted out about my SI and I needed his help. He said what can I do to make you feel better. I literally listed four things (like house chores, letting me sleep after he gets up) and he’s only done one of those sometimes, the latter and only on some days. That was weeks ago.

TLDR My husband has been different for the last few weeks. we had a baby 8 weeks ago, he was great for the first two weeks (always helping, going out of his way) and now is very different. He’s been aggressive, ie slamming doors, stomping around, slapping my hand, raising his voice. He apologies but then continues to do it. He doesn’t care if he upsets me, made me cry and just told me to “stop it”. He doesn’t help around the house. (But he is a great father to our baby).

Edit; I guess I should add he has mentioned once about two weeks ago that he was getting jealous of the attention I was giving the baby. I had been putting him on the back burner. But I have made time for us. I make sure we shower together like we use to. I cuddle with him after the baby goes down at night. We always watch a movie together now. I stopped bedsharing with the baby so my husband and I could have our bed back. Etc.