My (35F) husband (35M) wants to name our daughter after an anime girl

Submitted by CatLevel3620 t3_yilkha in relationship_advice

Before we had kids, we agreed that I would be allowed to name the first child and he would be allowed to name the second child. So a couple of years ago our son was born and I picked a normal name that my husband had no issue with.

I'm now 7 months pregnant with our daughter and my husband has been coming up with ridiculous names pulled from anime and video games. He said he wants the name to have personal significance to him, which is fine with me, but I didn't expect him to choose something so exotic even though he (and myself to a lesser extent) enjoys anime.

The name he finally settled on is Madoka. His explanation is that "I really admire how she gave hope to others despite going through unimaginable horrors". I rejected the name and he got offended because he thinks I'm insulting his favorite character and reneging on our deal.

But it's not that I don't want him to choose the name, I just want it to be something reasonable. He's asked me to watch the show but I don't think that will sway my opinion.

For one, we're not Japanese, we're white Americans. And two, it's an extremely unusual name that could draw negative attention to my daughter when she's older. I would feel embarrassed telling family and friends that this is the name we chose.

My husband said we could compromise and call her Maddie for short, but I said that her name would still be Madoka on attendance lists and legal documents. Since her nickname would be Maddie, I asked if we could just name her Madison instead and he refused. He's being extremely stubborn about this.

Is there anything I can say to get him to drop this? Should I humor him and watch the show? I was thinking that he might reconsider the name if I at least watch it first before making my final judgement. I'm just exhausted from arguing about this and I don't know what to do anymore.

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vainhope_ t1_iujdo2k wrote

Lawd ya child gon get bullied with that name, and that’s from someone who’s a Madonna magica fan. 🥴

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Much-Improvement-613 t1_iujea7q wrote

Right 😭😭 one of my favorite animes but hell naw we aint doin the weeb baby names please OP for the love of godoka please convince your husband this is too outta pocket

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vainhope_ t1_iujf6ap wrote

LMAOOOO same for when someone has a fandom name. These poor kids. 😭

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TotalLoose8308 t1_iuj8w0v wrote

He should be open to considering other names.

>Should I humor him and watch the show?

Yes. You should, because you should have the context of the name. At the very least it strengthens your argument by showing you are taking the time to consider his position and this is not a dismissal made out-of-hand.

If the only name he has "personal significance" with is some anime girl... then the name itself is only one of the problems here. Have you two discussed the possibility of other names that have significance to him? What did he say about that?

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CatLevel3620 OP t1_iuj9l4m wrote

Ok, I'll tell him I'll watch the show then. I have asked him if there's other names he would consider but they're all equally bizarre. He said Madoka is his #1 pick and I'm not being fair by rejecting the name when he didn't reject the name I picked for our son. I feel like I'm just arguing in circles at this point.

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TotalLoose8308 t1_iujagp9 wrote

>He said Madoka is his #1 pick and I'm not being fair by rejecting the name when he didn't reject the name I picked for our son.

Yeaaaa, that's why deals like you made are kinda dumb, but not much you can do since you can change the past. Don't make that kind of blanket deal in the future, though.

Be careful how you frame your responses. It's clear he's on the defensive. You want to make sure you're coming at this as a "lets find something we're both happy with" and perspective and not "your name is dumb". He shouldn't be so defensive, but us humans are silly emotional animals sometimes and that's easier said than done.

Would I be correct in assuming you pointed out that "but I didn't reject yours" is not a one to one comparison, because your name did not have the implications that his does? It's a dishonest argument to pretend the situations are analogous, but that can be hard to bring up without setting an antagonistic tone.

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CatLevel3620 OP t1_iujd8m7 wrote

Yes I did point that out but he said it doesn't apply because we didn't put any restrictions on what the names could be when we made the agreement. I will try to reframe it to be less antagonistic, so thank you for the suggestion.

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childofcraigslist t1_iujhgpw wrote

I would frame it as it being important that you both love the name you choose for your child. He had no objections to the name you chose, so it's not the same situation as this. I assume if you'd wanted to name your child Pigpen because you loved the Charlie Brown character, he'd have objected to that. Obviously Madoka is not a derogatory name, but it is a name you dislike and both parents should have veto power because it's not great for the child to be named something that has negative feelings attached for one parent.

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Jazzisa t1_iujb5qq wrote

Lol just be happy he didn't go for the second main character, Homura XD

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Reasonable_Charge531 t1_iuja21n wrote

Oof. Have you expressed your concerns that two white Americans giving their daughter a traditional Japanese name could be considered inappropriate in today's social climate? And that your daughter will be the one who suffers the consequences in the future and possibly resorts to changing her name in an attempt to escape the negative attention?

EDIT: Would he settle for making this her middle name? And giving her a more...traditional...first name?

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CatLevel3620 OP t1_iujebb0 wrote

I will try the middle name idea. Thanks for that suggestion. I've already tried the cultural appropriation angle and he said it doesn't count because it's the name of a fictional magical girl.

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samzimms t1_iuj8zfs wrote

I mean, you had an agreement. It was a stupid agreement, because now you do not like the name he picked. At this point I think you can just ask him to reconsider that name, but if he insists then a nickname is a good way to handle it. Or tell him you are not honoring your agreement and the two of you will need to come up with a name you both like. He might be very upset by that.

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Jazzisa t1_iujbmyz wrote

Personally, I don't think Madoka is that bad of a name even, especially if you're gonna go for Maddie for short anyway. But to be honest, I didn't even think Madison was all that common (I thought Maddie was short for Madeleine!). I think Madoka could work.

If you really want something else, just tell him that you like the name, but the problem is that you don't think it's appropriate for 2 white Americans to give their child a Japanese name. So if he can come up with a western name, you'd be fine with that.

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CatLevel3620 OP t1_iujdxkq wrote

I knew more Madisons than Madeleines when I was in school and they all went by Maddie, but either would be fine with me. I have tried that argument and he said it's the name of a magical girl so it doesn't have cultural significance to the point where it'd be cultural appropriation.

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Aurin316 t1_iujafn9 wrote

Well… I wonder why you are digging your heels in so hard. I don’t think this is a name that could get her made fun of in school or effect her job prospects.

I also don’t see why you don’t want to view the show. If there is a 1% chance this will sway you and the downside is losing 30-60 minutes of your life.

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Disastrous-Soup-5413 t1_iujeio0 wrote

This name is strange enough that other kids will single her out.

Kids will call her: “anime girl”; Madonkey; Madorka

It’s definitely ripe for kids to make fun of.

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Aurin316 t1_iujevb8 wrote

By the time she’s old enough to be in school the chances that the anime will be on the air and known… by the way I don’t know a lot of anime small children are allowed to watch but whatever… are slim. This little girl would be fine.

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bcatrek t1_iujy86y wrote

Me and my spouse had ONE rule when it came to naming our children: BOTH of us have to agree on (i.e. like) a name for it to be considered.

I can’t tell you how sad I’ve been by having to reject names that I absolutely loved, due to my partner not liking it. But equally, I didn’t like some of my partner’s choices, so it did go both ways.

I’d say that’s a pretty good rule, it has worked out well for us. We have now named our kids with names that we both like, and that fills me with joy.

I’m not trying to tell you what to do, just offer a different viewpoint maybe. If you would adopt this rule, names that only one of you fancy would be automatically discarded.

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One_Woodpecker7328 t1_iuk4kwf wrote

What about the actual meaning of the name or things that are associated with the character? For example, the name means "circle" or "circle, flower" and Gwen is a name associated with that. Ayla is another. An unusual name for white Americans but is very pretty is Evren, which means universe, which is associated with the character. Ariel is Hebrew for "starry girl." There's also Luna, Aurora, Miranda, and Pheobe for space themes.

Magical names for girls could be Sabrina or Faye, and Faye is a famous Anime character's name.

There's ways to compromise that honor the meaning. I also like using it as a middle name. I know someone who had the same deal with her husband. He was a huge Axel Rose fan and he wanted to name his daughter Axel. The compromise was that their little girl got a more normal name for her first name and Axel for her middle name.

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Jazzisa t1_iujcejg wrote

OR watch Attack On Titan with him! Great anime show, and there are a LOT of cool female characters... and the names are all a lot more western and common:

Sasha, Annie, Carla, Gabby, Zoë...

Just don't give him free reign over this show, or he'll end up picking the ONE girl named Mikasa XD

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CatLevel3620 OP t1_iujeiwm wrote

Thank you! This seems like it could be the best idea here. We've seen the show but I hadn't thought of it as a source of possible names.

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CuteDerpster t1_iujcqsk wrote

I would very much focus on how the name will shape the future of the child.

Bullying is absolutely ruthless between children. And it can really mess you up.

The name you bestow upon your child is not only a gift, it's also a chain.

You decide whether it's a cute necklace or a spiked collar.

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Mimi862317 t1_iujgetm wrote

My daughter is named Kairi. Kai-ri. Named after a character on kingdom hearts. I also found out her name means ocean in Japanese and melody in French. Never had an argument. My husband said it was a beautiful name. People keep calling her Carrie but I correct them.

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bcatrek t1_iujz96z wrote

I know some French and never heard of Kairi meaning Melody. Would love to have a French speaker’s take on this, as I strongly suspect it’s not a French word at all. I can obviously be completely wrong here.

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Guilty_Board933 t1_iujgsu0 wrote

this is a horrible name tell him to pick a normal american name if youre both white americans damn

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