I wake up the next morning feeling horrible because of the way he acted. We end up talking about it for awhile and he does apologize and admit he may have come off as a d*ck, but if he’s being honest, that’s his personality and that won’t change (so aka I can accept it or not). I did tell him that the deal breaker for me was the fact that he called me names—and he also apologized for that and said he wouldn’t do it again (although that has get to be proven). We actually almost end up breaking up because I’m so stressed/anxious about how he was around my friends and of course I’m also trying to be a good friend and not choose my recent bf’s side over their side (when I clearly thought he was being an ass too).

But I don’t hear from them all day and he finally has to fly back, and after deciding to stay together, both getting emotional, etc. he gets on his plane. It was miserable.

Finally, right before bedtime I get a text from Friend 1 (have not heard from Friend 2) and she asks if I want to talk about last night. I tell her I do, but not tonight because I am emotionally exhausted and need some time to reset (she was also at a friend’s birthday all day and send our group message pictures and stuff so I felt like she wasn’t really that mad). She tells me that she couldn’t believe she hadn’t heard from me yet and says that I’m basically being a shtty friend for not caring about her feelings and texting her. She also proceeds to tell me that she will not have a grown man talk to her the way he did and that maybe I will let him talk to me that way but she will NOT. And calls him an a**hole, tells me all of the other stuff (i.e. that they tried to avoid us all night, other people were talking sht, and that the Uber driver said something when we got out). ALL OVER TEXT. I respond a little bit but at this point I’m so hurt/exhausted and I am so against fighting over text that I barely respond. She proceeds to then tell me that we can still talk if I want, but she’s said everything that she wanted to say—so we could talk “whenever I wanted to,” but that she was done. At this point all I could say was “okay, if you’re done, I’m done.”

This was the longest post of my life and if ANYONE decides to read this novel I would be sooooo happy to hear your thoughts/advice on what I should do, etc. I’m just exhausted and tired of people pleasing and basically want to just tell my friends to f*ck off because I feel like they’ve been a really negative part of my life recently. I am NOT choosing my new bf over old girl friends, because, tbh, I may end up ending things with him depending on how I feel/he reacts/our next visit (if that even happens now). I need outsider opinions and am worried I’m making a wrong decision and/or am not seeing all sides. I know I am also at fault here and actually apologized to my friend for not de-escalating the situation earlier. I did also tell her and my bf that I felt like no one thought of my feelings or how seeing my bf and my friend arguing the entire night would make me feel. But it seemed to go in one of her ears and out the other. I don’t know what to do.

TL;DR: controlling, man-hating friend and confrontational, loud bf got into a huge shouting fight the first time they met at a party and now my friend (not my bf) is basically making me choose between them (a friendship of 3+ years vs a 6 month romantic relationship).