if anyone's read my past post it's on the same topic. my fiance of 7 years and I have been arguing a lot. he just doesn't care about anyone but himself.

Submitted by Overall_Log_9882 t3_yiar1b in relationship_advice

We been together for 7 years, engaged for 4 years atleast. I recently found out he was smoking crack.. yes litetal crack... and I brought it up to him he lied, I told him I had seen the text messages he sent to a friend telling him he did crack, he continued to lie, he finally came out 3 months later and told me he did smoke crack and he lied about it the entire time...so he gas lit be for months telling me I was crazy for thinking he would smoke crack....he said he was going to seek a therapist...(never did) he told me he wanted to do everything he could to prove to me he loved me, he gave me maybe 2 days of being nice before he started saying he needs more from me...

It's October and I've been begging him to take me to a pumpkin patch and a haunted house all month, this Friday he went with some coworkers and didn't even invite me..he told me about it and i asked if i could go, his response was "uhhh...i guess" ....I'm so hurt by this....and when i bring it up to him he just rolls his eyes and looks at me like im an asshole....I know I just need to not be with him anymore. I know that he'll never give me what I need as far as a partner, I do everything alone right now anyways. He has no hobbies and refuses to partake in mine (skateboarding, going to the gym, hanging out in the woods with my dogs) and it's been like this since we started to settle down in one place....but it's just hard to throw away something I've invested so much time and effort into. I know I just need to turn my back and get him out of my life but it's really not easy....any advice is helpful...what I can say to him to get him to understand.....how I can move on from him...any advice would be helpful

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EvenOrchid6345 t1_iuhpid9 wrote

The first step is the most difficult to take. Figure out logistics: he won't leave your shared home, so you'll need to find somewhere to stay..do you have savings, are you employed, can you find another place to live? Gather up important documents you have around the house, your passport, social security card, car title, anything official with your name on it. You don't want to be looking for that stuff when you're trying to move quickly, and he'll be super unpleasant once you tell him you're leaving. When you're ready to tell him, tell him. It's not a debate or discussion, you don't want an argument, no need for name calling or a big production. "I'm leaving you. I'll be moving out this date."

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Overall_Log_9882 OP t1_iuhq4od wrote

I don't have savings because he keeps losing all our money. All of our stuff was together until about a month ago when he admitted to smoking crack after he lost 2000 dollars out of nowhere. I do have a job and I'm trying to save up to move out. He hid my car title so idk what I'll do about that...I like that you said "no name calling or a big production" I'm so mad at him all the time it's hard for me to not tell him how unempathetic he is as he stares at me crying that he doesn't love me....7 years and this is how it's ends...it's really hard to not let him know how badly he ruined my life

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Noetherville t1_iuhpauj wrote

>it's just hard to throw away something I've invested so much time and effort into

It’s called sunk cost fallacy.

“Individuals commit the sunk cost fallacy when they continue a behavior or endeavor as a result of previously invested resources”

That is, you only continue because you don’t want to loose your time and effort without anything in return. WITHOUT taking into account weather the venture has failed already. Your investment makes no difference to the outcome of this relationship and the best thing is to cut your losses before you sink any more of your time that you can’t get back into a failed project.

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