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Now imagine what happens if you have kids and they're not straight.

You’re fiancé is the literal dictionary definition of a bigot. Good luck with that. You should be the one that’s afraid of what your children with him will be taught.

As a bi guy...

This is going to matter alot more to you when you have kids and you want to teach them that how you are is normal and he wants to teach them that how you are is an abomination to God.

Yall made it work until this point, likely against the odds. He wants to pretend this part of you does not exist. You don't.

You're not rational. Its love, love is irrational. But you're actively trying to allow love to overrule your judgement. And point of order here, he is not. You are the more invested person here. Like you said, he doesn't want you passing your gay ideas or genes onto his children.

This is over. When you admit that to yourself is kinda up to you, but the longer it takes the more damage you'll do to yourself in the end.

P.S. If one of your kids is gay he's going to blame you and file for divorce and shun the not straight child.

The thing is, and I’m mad at him for it— the way he reacted when I first told him was so positive and accepting. In general he’s a kind and accepting person. I’m still holding out hope that he’s joking and would hope he wouldn’t turn away or reject our kids.

It's not funny. Are his jokes usually bad?

If you want to be sure, you can try directly asking him what happens if your son brings home a boyfriend.

If you marry a bigot, don’t be shocked later when his bigotry harms you and the people you love. Also know full well that you’ll be inflicting a bigot on your possible future children. Take responsibility for your choices.

Honestly, yes. He once joked that he was actually racist, and I was really mad about it, close to breaking up with him, then when we sat down to talk about it, he goes, “wait, you thought I was being serious?”

Now having known him awhile, I’ve realized that that’s just his attempt at humor, whether it’s just because he’s from a different culture or is a genuine sociopath who just says things for shock value… I’m not sure, the culture thing is just easier to accept. I sound so stupid I know.

I’m going to have to ask him about it later.

Your right. I know subconsciously I’m already aware of the fact. The future I imagined would be ruined if I stay with him… but part of my future involved him and I don’t know how to let go of that. I’m not saying that I’m considering staying with him, in fact, I think as soon as I bring up the topic later he will definitely break up with me but I’m fighting the urge to just say sureee I’m straight just to appease him and go back in the closet.

He does not respect or accept you. If he is joking this is not funny, but call his bluff and break up with him. I’m a little suspicious about the “I was just joking about being racist” thing too.

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Sorry if this sounds blunt or old fashioned. I have been married for 22 years to a wonderful woman. She experimented early on with a bisexual relationship and threesomes before we met. I was very forthright and when we got serious, I explained that I simply did not want to share her affection with anyone else. While we had our tumultuous early years, it became obvious that she also wanted a monogamous relationship long term and was satisfied with what we had created together. We married and have 2 wonderful girls, who have both professed to being bisexual in nature. I am fine with it, as is my spouse. I truly believe it all comes down to being honest in your expectations of the relationship. However, I never found the prospect of even a F/F/M being interesting in the least so I am probably an outlier who is just straight by preference.

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He said it was cool because he wanted to think it was a phase! He's now made it clear he won't support you or you children if you don't fit in his moral box. Get out now before any further damage can be done

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Break up with this dude. You say you respect each other’s opinions but he clearly doesn’t respect yours. I don’t think marrying this man will do you any good. He is testing your waters with those sarcastic jokes that are borderline offensive. He evaluates your response to those statements and then backtracks saying it was sarcasm. Also he is clearly homophobic. Do you really think you have a future with a homophobe?

Why do y’all call people names because they don’t go along with y’all’s beliefs…

You’re a woman. Dating a man. Planning on marrying a man and being pregnant with a man’s kids…

Just because someone can find the same sex physically attractive and even sexually attractive doesn’t make you bi. You know who I think is one of the most beautiful woman ever? Pryankra Chopra! 😍 does that make me bi now? Some men like to be sexually aroused from behind. Does that make them gay?

If you were a dike or trans conforming to a new life than it would be understandable about him being arrogant.

But you’re doing “gender-norm” living and you’re flabbergasted why he’s confused?

A lesbian is a lesbian. Gay is gay.

That’s understandable.

What makes you bi?

I’m gonna update here because I think my og post is lengthy enough, and if everyone sees this, they see it, if not… well. Anyways.

Update: We broke up. I think? He kept trying to change the subject when I tried to bring it up again but eventually I got him to talk about it.

He repeated his sentiments, and said if it wasn’t about his future kids or whatever, he would have just accepted me and let me say I’m whatever I want but he asked if I would tell our kids it’s okay to be gay. I said of course. He said then we have to break up then.

I started crying (embarrassing). We talked for awhile, hugged, more talking. All in the parking lot of his job. He essentially said he can’t and would never change his mind about the LGBT. I cried and argued. He compared being gay to being a p/do, then to being attracted to animals. I cried and argued some more, asked if he was joking: he said he was serious, several times he said he was not at all joking.

Then he asked if we could talk about it tomorrow, most likely hoping I’d forget about the conversation and things would go back to normal. I said I would stay at my parents house tonight instead.

Then all of the sudden he says “fine, I’ll accept you. I’ll let you tell our kids whatever you want, I’ll let you be whatever you want.”

I was confused, still crying, and quite frankly numb from what just happened.

He said “someone has to save our relationship.” Implying that I’m the one breaking up with him by not agreeing with his ultimatum. Saying it’s my choice now if we want to break up.

I’m just too tired and confused. I told him even if he said it’s fine now, I know he’d never actually believe what he’s saying. I ended the conversation and said sure we’d talk tomorrow but I’m sleeping on the couch.

I’ll save me having to make another update and tell you guys now: he’ll say something charming if not slightly funny, he’ll convince me he was joking the whole time, and will maybe throw in a thing about how he supports the lgbt, that it’s just because his religion that he can’t completely agree with it, we’ll move on and it will never be mentioned again, because if it is, he will stonewall me or just smile and say “yes, honey” just to shut me up right there. He’s predictable by now.

Or maybe I’ll wake up and and leave before he wakes, moving on with my life. I really couldn’t tell you guys definitely because part of me thinks this was all some sort of game to see whether I’d cry or something when he broke up with me. I don’t know. I don’t want to stay with someone like that. I also always assume the worst out of people. I don’t know but I do appreciate all of your advice. Most of them will be in my head tonight while I try to sleep.

Based on what you’re telling me, I think you need to come out of the closet because you’re definitely bisexual.

Because I said a woman is beautiful? Lol you see that’s my point.. Your actions vs your words don’t make sense.

ps. All humans are beautiful.

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