Am I the ass hole for agreeing to go on a trip then back out?

Submitted by Adventurous-Art4254 t3_z8yxj4 in relationship_advice

Me and my boyfriend years (M 20) and me (F 18) we have been together over 3 years now. Over the summer he asked me to go to England and Germany with him and his family. I agreed and everything got settled out over the months. The trip will fall on December 24th -3rd. Which is right on Christmas. My paw paw recently passed away and this will be my moms first Christmas without her dad, and my granny’s first Christmas without her soulmate for over 50 years. My whole family took his death to heart since we are a big close family and have never had a loss this close. Originally they told me I had to get the vaccine to go over there with them. But I personally am not comfortable with that and they respect that but once I told them I would not get it because it’s my own preference (nothing towards it or anyone who gets it!) the father said I shouldn’t go because I would be a problem. When there are no restrictions on vaccine over in England (that I know of) that would cause any problems. Well just two days ago after assuming the whole 3 months I wasn’t going turns out I am re invited on the trip. My boyfriend and his mom and his aunts in England are really looking forward to me going. But my family is also looking forward to having me home for Christmas and our traditions we have. My mom also don’t trust the dad and thinks we will get into heated arguments and I’ll be miserable… I feel like I’m being pulled like a game of tug o war with my arms. Am I the ass hole? And what do I do? I’m scared for what will happen if I go or don’t go….

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WildlifePolicyChick t1_iye2ok7 wrote

Disregarding everyone and everything else, what do YOU want to do?

Figure that out, and again - not taking anything or anyone else into consideration.

Personally, I think you should go. I doubt your grandpa would want you to toss aside this wonderful opportunity. Life is for the living, OP. Go on the trip.

And get vaccinated. Don't be an idiot.

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WildlifePolicyChick t1_iye7m8t wrote

Replying to Adventurous-Art4254 (#819,067)

Here's a little exercise a therapist told me to try when I couldn't decide something, or more accurately, didn't know my own mind.

Flip a coin.

Get your quarter and pick heads you go, tails you stay. And tell yourself this is it! This is the Deciding Thing, no backsies.

Flip the coin, catch it, slap unto the back of your other hand - but don't uncover it.

Take a deep breath, remember This Is It. Pay close attention to yourself and be very aware of how you feel.

Now. Look at the answer. How do you feel? Like right now, immediately, gut reaction to the answer. Are you relieved, happy, excited, sad, bummed, annoyed you put this decision into the flip of a stupid coin?

This exercise will help you focus on how you feel and what you want. Then make your decision from a place of knowing yourself.

Good luck OP.

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