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RickRussellTX t1_j6l2htv wrote

A normal check in for a long distance relationship might be 1 or 2 calls per day, of moderate length (3-10 minutes).

Text messages are asynchronous and it should be assumed that people will often go for hours without responding. If I see non-urgent messages from my wife during the workday, I'm not responding until my day slows down. She knows this.

Personal opinion? He's jealous and afraid you're sleeping around. That's why he's checking on you constantly. In his defense, this problem is EXTREMELY common in military romances; a civilian partner who sleeps around while the serviceman is deployed is a story you will hear from MANY active duty and veterans.

I guess the larger question is: assuming you resolve this speedbump, how do you see the future? Are you two actually compatible? Or are you going to prefer a more solitary existence even after he's discharged and wants to live with you 24/7?

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smartgirl_dumbmouth t1_j6l42o6 wrote

We face time multiple times a day and always at least for an hour. I try to explain to him that if I don’t reply to a text it means I’m busy but that does not stop him from double texting me making sure ‘I’m good’. He told me he has a past of exs cheating on him but I would never do that. Just personally not my thing.

I haven’t thought that much about a future with him. He talks about me moving to where he is stationed but I can’t imagine giving my life up here. I’ve never seen a future with any potential partner I’ve always seen my future as living alone with no kids and traveling.

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MsJamieFast t1_j6l7431 wrote

All i see here is you don't like this relationship. How do either of you work or go to school while communicating like this? There isn't time for anything else.

Also, his behavior is way out there. And it is not appropriate for a fairly new relationship.

If you don't 100% want to move to where he is, DON'T!

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smartgirl_dumbmouth t1_j6l89pn wrote

I work am office job and most I have to do is be in the field for an hour or so. He is high up in the military so most of his day isn’t doing much but telling other people to do stuff. There’s days where I just want to throw my phone away and tell him it broke. I agree the behavior is out there it just sucks it came out of no where. In the beginning I told him this was the first relationship I’d had in awhile and I was going try really hard to make it work but sometimes I just don’t want it to work

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MsJamieFast t1_j6l91h9 wrote

It sounds like you did try, and it hasn't really worked. I vote you tell him that it is time to move on.

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Ordinary_Challenge74 t1_j6m2oyt wrote

At 26 he’s it way up high in the military, and he wouldn’t have time to text you all day. What is his job in the military?

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smartgirl_dumbmouth t1_j6mmtnp wrote

Honestly that might have been an exaggeration I just know he has people under him.

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RickRussellTX t1_j6l7l2k wrote

It’s completely normal and healthy to not want a full time, committed relationship. Culture has told you it’s not OK, especially if you’re a woman. But it is, really.

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smartgirl_dumbmouth t1_j6l8gst wrote

I always thought so too. I recently moved away from all my friends and family and I think Everyone was worried I’d be so alone. I thought it was a good idea at the time now I’m thinking not so much. I really love living my own life and seeing family and friends when I want to.

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RickRussellTX t1_j6le2r0 wrote

Only you know what's right for you. I have family that have never been in a relationship, and they're happy. I have others that married before college and have a small army of children, and they're happy.

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