I (M27) want to break up with my gf (F23) but can't

Submitted by ThrowRA155590 t3_10qbsi3 in relationship_advice

Hello everyone. Please try to he helpful I understand my issue is probably happening all the time but I really need advice.

So I (m27) have been dating my gf (let's call her Susan and she's 23) for 4 years now. Everything was going well but lately I don't feel like I love her and I don't think she's the one to be with for life. Like a lot of people covid changed our relationship because it pushed us to live together faster than anticipated. We now live together and have done for 3 years.

When I'm around her I feel like anything she does makes me annoyed. Even little things like her eating when I'm watching TV or her questions about my interests. I don't like that I feel this way because she is amazing and so kind and thoughtful. Sometimes I tell myself to end the relationship now because she could spend this time to focus on herself and find someone who loves her the way she deserves.

Her family are not supportive and if we break up she will struggle to find her own place to rent and would not have the support I have as she has barely any friends either. All these thoughts bounce around my head and I never talk to her about them because when I try to talk about serious topics she loses interest. Before we met she was kicked out of her home as her mother has mental issues and my gf has become a little dependant on me. I am her only social outlet and I worry if I break up it may be too much for her.

Has anyone been in this situation and if so can you please help me. I am not happy with how my relationship is but I also don't want to be the reason for her to have any depression but I also know I am not the right guy she deserves.

TLDR, I am not happy in a relationship but can't seem to break up with my gf

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Unlikely-Impact7766 t1_j6p2v1e wrote

You can in fact break up with her. You’re responsible for YOUR well-being, not hers.

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Therisemfear t1_j6p3idl wrote

You need to break up with her. If you don't, you are wasting both of your time.

That said, you can still support her as a friend even after breaking up.

It was unhealthy that she became dependent on you in the relationship. Though it was not necessarily her fault as you said she had a rough family. But you need to let her be aware that she is becoming dependent and it's not healthy.

How is the situation with the rent? Does she share the rent with you or is she financially dependent?

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ThrowRA155590 OP t1_j6p5ngb wrote

Hi and thanks for the advice. Yes we share rent. I pay the majority as I earn more money though. That again was decision. She wanted to pay 50 50 but I knew it would result in very little money for her to have after bills

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Therisemfear t1_j6pbd1o wrote

No prob. Here I'm assuming that you still care about her as a person despite no longer having romantic feelings.

As others said, you need to prioritize your own well-being. Though, you can make the break-up as amicable as it can and help her get through the situation.

The most important thing is her living condition. You can help her with apartment hunting. Since she is financially independent, there might be places that she can afford around there.

Encourage her to expand her social circle, or take up hobbies and have online friends if she's having trouble with irl social interactions.

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HamFart69 t1_j6p23hs wrote

You need to worry about your own well being first.

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Jmm1272 t1_j6p4r1u wrote

I have been in this situation except we didn’t live together. You have to break up with her and it’s not going to be easy. You are not responsible for her life or her personal struggles. I do understand that you care, but you can’t stay together because she has a hard life and if you stay together it’s going to really deteriorate and end badly. I promise you, the longer you stay the more unpleasant the ending will be.

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Embarrassed_Map1112 t1_j6pekt5 wrote

If you’re not happy, it’s not gonna get better with time. You should break up. But there’s a way to break it off and still be supportive if she really needs it

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VolatileYouths t1_j6pex4u wrote

Same feeling happened with me not too long ago. It was hard, but after I broke up with her I felt relief, not sadness. At least not much

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