Both of you need to get your shit together before continuing in a relationship.

Love is not the only requirement of a healthy relationship. Love and abuse are not mutually exclusive.

If you have an ounce of care for her and yourself, you need to separate now and work on your respective problems. Get clean and get into therapy.

At the very least, you need to be physically separated from each other so you won't be able to hurt each other. DV is serious and you might end up permanently injuring her or getting into jail.

If he values the friendship as much as you do, and is not just being nice for the sake of getting in your pants, he will understand. But it seems he is unwilling to accept your feelings and is ignoring your boundaries.

You have to issue an ultimatum and if he still refuses to acknowledge your lack of love interest, you need to cut them off as this friendship is inherently unsustainable.

No prob. Here I'm assuming that you still care about her as a person despite no longer having romantic feelings.

As others said, you need to prioritize your own well-being. Though, you can make the break-up as amicable as it can and help her get through the situation.

The most important thing is her living condition. You can help her with apartment hunting. Since she is financially independent, there might be places that she can afford around there.

Encourage her to expand her social circle, or take up hobbies and have online friends if she's having trouble with irl social interactions.

You need to break up with her. If you don't, you are wasting both of your time.

That said, you can still support her as a friend even after breaking up.

It was unhealthy that she became dependent on you in the relationship. Though it was not necessarily her fault as you said she had a rough family. But you need to let her be aware that she is becoming dependent and it's not healthy.

How is the situation with the rent? Does she share the rent with you or is she financially dependent?

You did the right thing of not forcing him to have sex, and you should make it clear to him so he doesn't feel obliged or guilted to have sex, that it is not his fault that he is asexual.

It's understandable that he is coming out with 'solutions' to make things work despite your conflicting sexuality. Unfortunately, you are incompatible with each other. It's no fault of either of you, as neither of you can control your sexuality.

You need to explain to him that sex to you is an intimate thing, both emotionally and physically, and you are not willing to have sex with someone else when you are romantically involved with him.

(If you are involved in fandom subculture, you can explain that this is like watching your OTP being intimate with someone else. It's uncomfortable, to say the least.)

There might be some ways to make this relationship work, but ultimately you might need to decide whether it is worth it to continue with this relationship with no sex.