If you identify with the “avoidently attached” part of this article then you should be aware you are going to bring that to therapy too. For me, my therapist was the first person in my life who was always where she said she was going to be when she said she’d be there. That allowed me to become attached — within the boundaries of a professional counseling relationship. From there we worked on disproving the belief that my parents (school, medical professionals) were bad to me because they all knew I was broken and I deserved it. That was a process of telling stories that seemed to support the belief and then looking at those same events from other perspectives so I can stop blaming myself. Eventually I was able to believe I’m a person who deserves attachment. I still have patterns where I proactively detach from relationships, or see rejection in absent-mindedness, but I have a lot more tools and a lot less anger than I used to.

I’m not who you were replying to, but I hope this adds some positivity to counselling for you. What blew my mind when I dragged my feet to my 4th psychologist in less than 4 years was how much she worked on helping me to trust her through being consistent, kind and truly non judgemental. Like I really felt the lack of judgemnt. If you’ve been through a few therapists like I have (& u obv have), then you’ll understand how much this meant.

Not who you replied to, but therapy simply wasn't for me.

I often walk myself through how I feel about certain things, and I try to dig deeper than the surface to figure out why. It used to be a purely negative and self-deprecating behavior that spawned out of my penchant for being overly-analytical... But I've put effort into turning into a beneficial thing.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is accepting that the parts of you that you don't like are still... You. Understanding yourself and giving recognition to all the bits and pieces that make up who you are was my first step to being a better person. It's made a lot of personal change over the years.

Therapy isn't for everyone, but it does help a lot of people. It's possible that you've only had therapists who aren't really compatible with you. I know it's easy to be discouraged, but you should consider mulling over which it might be -- that is to say, you or your previous therapists.

As someone previously comment, it wasn't until my fourth of fifth therapist that I started to feel a change. A lot of them didn't connect with me and neither I with them or I was simply seeking counseling because that's what everyone told me it worked, but when I found one who saw right through me and motivated me in all the right ways to work for the change I needed.

Also, not all of the sessions have to go towards working on something. There are times in which what we want or need isn't a plan, more so just being heard; talk with your therapist about the things that you'd like to do during the sessions and they'll understand.