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slfnflctd t1_j2x8k9i wrote

It's very unusual for me to find something truly hilarious, and when it does happen it tends to be when it's just me & a friend or my SO.

Most of the time when I'm laughing it's to keep the energy up & positive, as well as to acknowledge & show appreciation for whoever said what I'm reacting to. Especially with kids or younger adults.

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MermaidHissyFit t1_j2yzlk2 wrote

I laugh and smile a ton in casual conversation. I'm genuinely not being fake, I'm just a smiling giggle-at-everything typa person. Like my brain is constantly looking for any excuse for me to laugh. I do it alone also, just not as frequently.

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[deleted] OP t1_j321414 wrote

Same! Sometimes I can appreciate this quality. I’ll just be sitting there, think of something funny, and start laughing. I’m never bored. Other times I hate myself for it because I think people would take me more seriously if I didn’t smile and laugh as much. I’m intelligent enough that people theoretically should listen to me but no one wants to listen to the person who doesn’t perceive everything as serious.

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THELINKINBIO t1_j323ao6 wrote

As someone who can be quite serious i think the grass may just be greener here. Life is short. Joy is the greatest gift. Anyone of worth will see your worth. Keep laughing!

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[deleted] OP t1_j3243tp wrote

Oh man, that made me cry. I just lost my dad this week so am a little emotional. You’re right, thank you. There’s room for all of us, we can balance each other out.

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EvaUnit_03 t1_j2x932p wrote

And thats why we do the fake smiles and laughs. Its a social stigma so they like us and see us as relatable. If we don't come off as likeable and relatable nobody will talk to us or be friendly towards us and we'll be left alone in these forced scenarios we have to deal with daily, repeatedly.

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slfnflctd t1_j2xbf98 wrote

I think it can also be to avoid the negative situation where someone feels left out or unlikeable. Or in the case of children, to let them know you're having fun like they are. A split second of recognition (or the lack of it) can make a big difference in someone's mood.

I grew up around a lot of stone-faced adults, and was always wondering if I made them mad or said/did something stupid. I don't want to make others feel that way.

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MittenstheGlove t1_j33kk8h wrote

This is me. I’ve been doing it since I was 12 and experience a sort of level of nervousness. It helps alleviate it.

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not_cinderella t1_j2xanxl wrote

>If we don't come off as likeable and relatable nobody will talk to us or be friendly towards us and we'll be left alone in these forced scenarios we have to deal with daily, repeatedly.

This is a bad thing?

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EvaUnit_03 t1_j2xfsae wrote

Well... as a species we used to kill people who weren't assimilated into our societies on the regular. We still do it today but prisons exist so instead of inhumanely killing them, we just lock them up and tell them to convert or stay there until eventual death.

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sovietta t1_j2yqohu wrote

Humans are an inherently social species, you realize that don't you?

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EvaUnit_03 t1_j2zllc5 wrote

which is exactly what the article portraits, a part of our social species that is actually inherently different to our prime ape counterparts.

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not_cinderella t1_j2xgigt wrote

Not laughing isn’t a crime though?

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houseman1131 t1_j2xukhb wrote

No but like if your boss makes a joke about buttons or something you better chuckle.

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EvaUnit_03 t1_j2xgpwj wrote

depends on who you're talking to. i could see not laughing in north korea or russia right now over a clearly obvious but not funny joke told by putin or kim being taken as a pretty illegal crime. Xi has been falling in line with that too and im sure trump would also agree.

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Kurotan t1_j2x8zih wrote

I don't laugh much outside of like TV, but if I do it's probably fake laughing. But apparently according to the article I should fake laugh more?

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MittenstheGlove t1_j33jpia wrote

It’s sort of a nervous response for me. I’ve been doing it since I was like 12.

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saiyaniam t1_j2xsf0p wrote

I know now why you laugh, but it is something I could never do.

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[deleted] OP t1_j2ygm0j wrote

[deleted]

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Old_man_atom t1_j2z2qkl wrote

I do as well. I often get confused looks from people cause they don’t find what’s being discussed remotely funny.

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LeafyWolf t1_j2zham0 wrote

I'm a fellow laugher. The jokes on everyone else.

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seedsnearth t1_j309tlg wrote

Me too! I love being around people who make me laugh, and who laugh with ease. I actually look forward to being with them, whereas everyone else feels like work.

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samanime t1_j31559t wrote

Yeah. I also tend to laugh in serious situations. Some people misinterpret that as not taking the situation seriously, but that isn't the case. You can take a situation seriously without having to go full-on moribund or stone-faced. And helping to slightly diffuse serious situations with laughter can also lead to more level-headed thinking when dealing with it.

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Shuiner t1_j325s3m wrote

I do this and am very self conscious about it. I actively keep a straight face when I'm concerned a laugh might be interpreted as cruel but it's very hard for me not to have a good chuckle in serious situations

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baconcheeseburgarian t1_j2zpasl wrote

We've scientifically proven the "courtesy laugh".

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fresh_dyl t1_j3juxe6 wrote

I hate when it’s clearly fake though.

I feel like when it’s not too forced, mine is passable, but my brothers sounds so bad to anyone that actually knows him.

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ElGuano t1_j2xpgy0 wrote

I laugh light crazy when I talk to someone in person. Often inappropriately, because I'm so worried about being introverted and unlikeable that I default to pretending I hear/understand what people say and to smile agreeably.

So...I don't know about being relatable in any way, but yes, it's not reflective of enjoyment. Just the pain of social anxiety.

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[deleted] OP t1_j2yfux2 wrote

When I laugh during an argument, my wife thinks I’m being a condescending jerk, but I’m really only laughing because I am nervous / anxious.

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PrinceVarlin t1_j30h057 wrote

I have the same problem! And the bigger the argument, the stronger the impulse to laugh. Thankfully she understands but I always feel like a big jerk

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itchy_sanchez t1_j2zt53x wrote

I've realised over the years that I've taught myself all of these traits like laughing in conversation, eye contact, head tilt, mirroring body language, even learning a lot of facts so I can relate to people only because I was a painfully shy kid. I learnt that people like me better when I do these things even though it comes very unnaturally to me. Does this make me a psychopath?

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zane017 t1_j30ln5i wrote

Only if you’re constantly using the people around you for personal benefit with no concern for how that effects others. You’re probably just more aware of yourself/intelligent than most of us. I do all these things but I guess I learned them subconsciously. I’m not observant or really all that bright, so I think we probably learned via the same mechanism; I just didn’t notice I was doing it. I think if you were a psychopath you wouldn’t care much. While they also have to learn on more of a manual level, the motivations are what’s different. People are fascinating.

As I’m getting older I can see that I’m developing deep laugh lines and almost no frown/anger lines. I But I’m a deeply sad person who struggles with dark moods. I’m an extreme introvert who would always rather be alone. But when I’m laughing constantly during conversations, I’m not being fake. I genuinely like almost everyone I meet and talk to. I’m interested in their lives and want them to be happy. I find humor in most situations. But I never want to be there, regardless.

But I also developed manic laughter the couple of times I went into physical shock. And I’ve been attacked more than once because of the grin I get when a deeply disturbing argument is beginning.

People are just weird. All of us.

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sprklstlr t1_j322dnp wrote

I believe your thoughtful and thorough response does show your intelligence and self-awareness. Feel free to ignore this fellow sad/moody, introverted internet stranger, but I think your insights are more complex than you give yourself credit for.

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indesomniac t1_j30ddc9 wrote

They didn’t come naturally to me either! My therapist told me I was probably autistic when I was 15; you should look into that.

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keiome t1_j3139ou wrote

Ye, my immediate thought was neurodivergent. Needing to learn to make eye contact is a huge tell xD

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smurficus103 t1_j301y69 wrote

Im in the same boat. Social manipulation. Idk im not manipulating people for any motive, so, probably not? Sometimes i just try to get them outside of a cult or something...

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whatwouldthat t1_j307x90 wrote

I think this is probably pretty common. I have adhd and while people are in the middle of talking to me I will notice I've been nodding along and making good eye contact but I definitely have no idea what they've said. I think they're is just a lot of opportunity in life to get practiced at being agreeable/social just because it's expected. Like I don't want to pretend I'm listening in order to trick people-- I just have spent a lot of time in settings where you were supposed to always just be listening and now I'm a big faker not even on purpose

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Mattbl t1_j32f089 wrote

As a kid, I was also painfully shy. I found that it made me a good listening post for people, and extroverts would seek me out as a friend b/c I listened a lot more than I talked (mostly out of awkwardness or not knowing what to say).

Over the years I've found myself being a better and better active listener mostly because I hate when people don't actively listen to me. Think of those awkward times you've started a story in a group of friends and realize nobody is listening - I am always the person making sure someone is listening.

So I guess my point is that you're just exhibiting good active listening skills, which you've learned over time. Honestly, I wish more people would learn them, because it really can make you more likeable and easier to talk to.

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BrotherBrutha t1_j2y5nk1 wrote

From what I understood (could be very wrong!), if a chimp is bearing their teeth like that, it’s probably time to run away rather than sit around and have a bit of a giggle with them ;)

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[deleted] OP t1_j2yaaim wrote

if the mouth is open, probably

but if they smile with their teeth together then it is typically a non-aggressive sign of submission, usually in response to fear or stress. it's not typically a "happy" face for chimps.

humans are known to smile when they are nervous as well which can be confusing but probably a leftover trait from our ape ancestors

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Getdeded t1_j30i6n3 wrote

I’d like to see the data around how often it’s because the person is nervous

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indesomniac t1_j30d6ss wrote

As an autistic person, I’ve had to teach myself to laugh more during interactions or else people will think I’m not enjoying myself. It was a strange process.

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teawithyeti t1_j314x7z wrote

As another autistic person, I've just found out I should have been fake laughing for the last 30 years.

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thealthor t1_j31fiae wrote

I was at a comedy thing near the front enjoying myself and the comedian on stage pointed me out as a person who must have been dragged there and not enjoying his act.

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samanime t1_j31585z wrote

Does "stable trait" have a particular meaning in psychology and/or neuroscience beyond the plain English? I skimmed the article, but it's a bit over my head.

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awesomedan24 t1_j2zwh5f wrote

I've conditioned myself to compulsively laugh at work for social purposes, hard to tell when my own laughter is genuine anymore.

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towcar t1_j2z8cms wrote

Yeah I absolutely get this and am glad to hear it. I certainly casually laugh more in conversation. I always wondered how people generally perceived it.

>These findings suggest that, in conversations between strangers, laughter may not be a straightforward signal of amusement, but rather a social tool.

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gojiras_therapist t1_j2znwkg wrote

I like to keep my humor free flowing it it's funny I'll laugh from the darkest to the simple fart

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squiffy_squid t1_j30p54u wrote

I can see being a laugher as a genetic thing. I grew up with a mom who loves to laugh. My siblings and I are that way as adults too. Holiday meals are hilarious. Laughing, dogs, and exotic plant care are the best weapons in my arsenal to fight depression. Laughter's just a LOT cheaper.

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ViceMaiden t1_j2zlklu wrote

Me just trying to be nice and social when strangers try to tell me something they find amusing...

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-downtone_ t1_j30lolw wrote

Apparently when I was younger I tried to be 'relatable' while people would strike me. Maybe because I'm autistic but my response was to laugh at people hitting me. I didn't like it or enjoy it in any way. People attack you more if you do this btw.

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mainedeathsong t1_j30ykfd wrote

I laugh when I feel awkward. It's great accept for when someone I don't like is hitting on me....

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Tru3insanity t1_j31eq1g wrote

Laughing has a ton of different purposs. Obv it can express amusement or humor. Its often used to appear disarming in social situations where somone feels uncomfortable or anxious. Scared people laugh a lot.

It helps us cope with stress, pain and fatigue too. Dunno bout everyone else but after i get past the initial bitchiness of being tired, frustrated or hurting, i get very easily amused. Laughter releases endorphins and likely reinforces bonds in strong social groups. Very cathartic stuff and kind of a unique tool for humans to deal the stressful complexity of our social connections.

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brilliantpants t1_j31s9t8 wrote

I have trouble with conversation sometimes, so I often laugh just because I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.

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SFanatic t1_j31zcsc wrote

Jimmy fallen, the most relatable human

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MidRangeMagic21 t1_j35bojf wrote

These posts are helping me climb up the office/corporate ladder

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emdess8578 t1_j3l8mta wrote

My husband laughs frequently at the end of his sentences. Usually a slight chuckle, barely noticeable. But after 42 years of marriage it has become more noticeable to me.

He also frames many of his responses as jokes which he always laughs at. Whether others actually find his comments amusing, hard to say. But he gets smiles in return.

I, on the other hand, have developed a very high resistance to this and at times need some time to myself.

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Oonada t1_j2zswcg wrote

I make myself seem unapproachable so that when someone does talk to me or I talk to them their first reaction to me is immediate confusion because I live in the chaos.

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WonderWheeler t1_j2zf2n3 wrote

I remember laughing some at my last job interview. I got the job. Although I no longer work there because in the heat of the moment I yelled (used my command voice more exactly) at a co worker. I admit it I am an old nerd and still learning about the rules for social communication.

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insaneintheblain t1_j2yowtp wrote

Some people walking amongst us are just entirely social masks, of no substance whatsoever.

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PooPartySoraka t1_j2zzezb wrote

i love this, looking thru ur posts u also quote jung extensively and then also say stuff like "die in a fire" very funny thank u bless u in 2023

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