itchy_sanchez t1_j2zt53x wrote
I've realised over the years that I've taught myself all of these traits like laughing in conversation, eye contact, head tilt, mirroring body language, even learning a lot of facts so I can relate to people only because I was a painfully shy kid. I learnt that people like me better when I do these things even though it comes very unnaturally to me. Does this make me a psychopath?
zane017 t1_j30ln5i wrote
Only if you’re constantly using the people around you for personal benefit with no concern for how that effects others. You’re probably just more aware of yourself/intelligent than most of us. I do all these things but I guess I learned them subconsciously. I’m not observant or really all that bright, so I think we probably learned via the same mechanism; I just didn’t notice I was doing it. I think if you were a psychopath you wouldn’t care much. While they also have to learn on more of a manual level, the motivations are what’s different. People are fascinating.
As I’m getting older I can see that I’m developing deep laugh lines and almost no frown/anger lines. I But I’m a deeply sad person who struggles with dark moods. I’m an extreme introvert who would always rather be alone. But when I’m laughing constantly during conversations, I’m not being fake. I genuinely like almost everyone I meet and talk to. I’m interested in their lives and want them to be happy. I find humor in most situations. But I never want to be there, regardless.
But I also developed manic laughter the couple of times I went into physical shock. And I’ve been attacked more than once because of the grin I get when a deeply disturbing argument is beginning.
People are just weird. All of us.
sprklstlr t1_j322dnp wrote
I believe your thoughtful and thorough response does show your intelligence and self-awareness. Feel free to ignore this fellow sad/moody, introverted internet stranger, but I think your insights are more complex than you give yourself credit for.
indesomniac t1_j30ddc9 wrote
They didn’t come naturally to me either! My therapist told me I was probably autistic when I was 15; you should look into that.
keiome t1_j3139ou wrote
Ye, my immediate thought was neurodivergent. Needing to learn to make eye contact is a huge tell xD
smurficus103 t1_j301y69 wrote
Im in the same boat. Social manipulation. Idk im not manipulating people for any motive, so, probably not? Sometimes i just try to get them outside of a cult or something...
whatwouldthat t1_j307x90 wrote
I think this is probably pretty common. I have adhd and while people are in the middle of talking to me I will notice I've been nodding along and making good eye contact but I definitely have no idea what they've said. I think they're is just a lot of opportunity in life to get practiced at being agreeable/social just because it's expected. Like I don't want to pretend I'm listening in order to trick people-- I just have spent a lot of time in settings where you were supposed to always just be listening and now I'm a big faker not even on purpose
Mattbl t1_j32f089 wrote
As a kid, I was also painfully shy. I found that it made me a good listening post for people, and extroverts would seek me out as a friend b/c I listened a lot more than I talked (mostly out of awkwardness or not knowing what to say).
Over the years I've found myself being a better and better active listener mostly because I hate when people don't actively listen to me. Think of those awkward times you've started a story in a group of friends and realize nobody is listening - I am always the person making sure someone is listening.
So I guess my point is that you're just exhibiting good active listening skills, which you've learned over time. Honestly, I wish more people would learn them, because it really can make you more likeable and easier to talk to.
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