Is it possible, under the table, to enroll someone else's child in school? And other bizarre questions about the absolutely infuriating situation I have stumbled into.

Submitted by DebbieDunnbbar t3_xwwvko in springfieldMO

This is going to be REALLY long so buckle up.

My 16-year-old son has been dating a 15-year-old girl for several months now. This girl is a good kid, completely normal, and just relocated here from Nevada with her stepmom prior to dating my son. My wife and I knew and have known for months that her home situation is fucking terrible, but we were a little ignorant to the extent. Her father just got out of prison a few months ago for drugs and catalytic converter theft and her stepmother is a degenerate druggie as well. Her biological mother has never been in her life and is fucked off in Nevada someplace and she has no grandparents or other family members for support whatsoever. Her family is basically transients who move from one weekly shithole motel to another as they get kicked out of them. We've offered what help we can--we feed the kid constantly, we send groceries home with her, etc. We even let her stay the night at our home on weekends even though normally that's something we'd be totally opposed to due to my son's age, because we feel terrible that a teenage girl is living in a one room motel with two adults and (of course) her parents pitbulls.

The problem is her schooling. Until the last couple weeks, we didn't realize that she basically hasn't attended school for at least a year. And you're probably saying, "How the fuck did you not catch that your son's girlfriend doesn't attend school?" Well trust me, there's nothing you can say about that that I'm not beating myself up worse over. All I can say in defense is I have other children, one who is extremely disabled and requires a lot of time, my wife and I both work, and my son also works and is the typical private teenager who's never home now that he's old enough to drive. We had, of course, asked where she attended school and were told that she was attending school via one of the schools here in town. We didn't have any reason to question that. Also, I believe she was pretty embarrassed by the whole situation and didn't really want to tell anyone the extent of it, including my son.

The only reason we even found out is that my son had a school dance coming up. Our school district (we live outside Springfield) allows students to bring dates that don't attend the school, but there's a whole waiver process you have to get from their school (or an interview process with their parents if they're homeschooled or already graduated). When we went to do that and sent the waiver to her school, we discovered that she was no longer enrolled there because her worthless shitbag parents couldn't be bothered to take her to school. Because they are constantly moving and getting kicked out of places, she wasn't always on a bus route or walking distance and they just refused to fucking take her. And they only intermittently seem to have a vehicle anyway. The girl didn't even know she'd been dropped this time. She'd still been doing her assignments, which I had seen with my own eyeballs. And apparently this is the second or third time this has happened since they moved to Missouri. This was aggravating and dismaying, but we didn't think it was a huge deal. They had recently moved to yet another weekly motel in a different school district where the bus goes right to where they live, so we figured no problem, we'll just get her parents to enroll her at this new school, they can sign the waiver and attend the dance with my son, and she'll be back on track with her studies. And we were planning to make sure she was able to get to school from now on if something changed.

This was when we realized her parents are even more worthless than we knew. We tried for days to get them to enroll her in this new school. I mean, we just pestered the hell out of them because we were trying to beat the deadline for the waiver for my son's dance. We didn't make it and she can't attend with my son, but that's the least of the problem at this point. The father doesn't work but is never home and is off doing whatever the fuck druggie degenerates do all day and night. We couldn't even get him to return a call and he gave his own daughter the run around on this constantly, telling her he'd be home in a few minutes to take her to enroll her and then not showing up at all the entire day, ducking our calls and messages, etc. The stepmother is usually around and we offered to drive her or the father to the goddamn school and hand-hold them through the process, but there was always some excuse why she couldn't (she's sick, the dog is sick, etc.). It was maddening. Plus, we found out from the school (who really weren't supposed to tell us this but were sympathetic) that in their one conversation with the father he said they were just going to homeschool her. Since homeschooled kids can attend the dance if they do an interview, that would've worked for us, but of course we could not get either of the parents to physically go to our school and do a fucking five minute interview either. But again, that's minor. Her not being in any school is the bigger problem. And they don't actually have any intention of homeschooling her, nor are they capable of doing it, nor do they have any ideological position against public school. They're just literally too fucking lazy to go enroll her in yet another school. They probably don't want to bother because they know they're just going to get kicked out again and have to move who-knows-where.

So, now that I am aware of this absolute shitshow, I feel like I have a moral and ethical obligation to do something here. I can't be Santa Claus for all the world's kids, but I see this girl all the time and I can't just twiddle my thumbs and watch these dipshits ruin her life. And, if I'm being completely honest, I don't want this to affect my son's high school experience. He's going to have other dances, prom is coming up, etc. I realize that's pretty selfish and those are minor things in the face this girl's future, but I can't help it. It's my son. I want him to be able to take his girlfriend to prom.

But I don't know what the fuck to do here. I know someone's going to suggest calling CPS or the police or something, and I'm totally NOT opposed to that. However, I have dealt with them before and found them to be pretty toothless and impotent. I feel like they'll show up, the parents will just shuck and jive and give them some bullshit story about how they pinky promise they're going to enroll her and then nothing will happen. But again, if someone can give me advice about how to make something happen there, I'm totally open to it. But it needs to be done in a way that's semi-anonymous and won't result in blowback on this girl (her parents are not routinely abusive, apparently, but there have been a few sporadic instances of physical abuse in the past).

I also had the harebrained idea (which my wife hates) of simply impersonating her father and enrolling her in school. I have heard stories of homeless kids paying people to do this, but I have zero idea how feasible that is. Or if there's potential criminal penalties for me doing that. Google has been no help with that. But if that's an option, I'm willing.

Honestly, I am just about to tear my fucking hair out in frustration over this whole situation. I don't want to watch this girl have her life ruined at 15 years old. She's a good girl and she has potential. It's not her fault she was born to two of the biggest losers in the universe.

I am open to any and all advice on what to do here.

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Comments

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Aimless78 t1_ir8xnw1 wrote

Have her contact the school, the one she would go to based on where you live, and she can claim to be a homeless teen. The school can then enroll her.

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DebbieDunnbbar OP t1_ir8yzbb wrote

I didn’t realize that was a thing, but it makes sense. I may be fucked on that, though. We’ve had extensive conversations with the school staff trying to work this out, so they’d have to be willing to feign ignorance because they know she’s not homeless.

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Aimless78 t1_ir910pn wrote

But she is technically homeless, you all are just letting her stay there so she isn't out on the streets.

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DebbieDunnbbar OP t1_ir91gn5 wrote

I mean, would they consider her that? They know she lives with her father and stepmother in a motel five days a week because we told them. She’s only at our house on the weekend.

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CCrabtree t1_ir9g8db wrote

Yes. Homeless as defined by schools includes motels and staying with other people.

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notricktoadulting t1_iraqzks wrote

Tell the school you believe she qualifies for services under McKinney-Vento. Use those words. Any student who lacks a fixed, permanent address can attend the school of last residence, and the school is REQUIRED to provided transportation. This is federal law.

I work for a school district in KC. If you need help accessing resources, please feel free to DM me. I’m sure I can find someone in your district willing to help.

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DebbieDunnbbar OP t1_iraxa1o wrote

Thank you! I appreciate it. I’ll probably PM you some questions tonight.

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the_honeyman t1_ir972bz wrote

Tell them she got kicked out. They're not going to go investigate.

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_ism_ t1_ir9io34 wrote

It certainly did once I learned a little bit about the training social workers at one door must undergo to take the vi spdat, which is what homeless people call the survey. It's really just an algorithm that assesses all of your different vulnerabilities as a homeless person that you are experiencing. In my time being homeless I found that a lot of people assume what things mean on that survey and believe that they need to lie about it to get better results. And the case workers don't exactly help you answer or understand what your answers on that decision algorithm actually translate to in terms of assistance. Once I learned more about it I was able to qualify myself into Housing Programs although it was still a couple of years of waiting list and motel vouchers. Part of it involved admitting to some motel and couch stays before qualifying.

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youshouldntdothat2 t1_irc2ylg wrote

I have had kids in schools in the surrounding area and had to do this for a child that was staying with me. If you have questions feel free to ask and go to the superintendent. They have the power to help, or at least that is who helped me.

Ps, they consider not living with parents or legal guardian homeless.

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thearticulategrunt t1_ir91hoz wrote

MO department of elementary and secondary education, Section B.1. She may very well qualify as homeless. Hope this helps.

https://dese.mo.gov/quality-schools/student-support-services/homeless-children-youth

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DebbieDunnbbar OP t1_ir91sdn wrote

You’re right, it looks like she meets the technical definition of homeless according to this. This is great. Thank you!

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mittyditty t1_ir9coul wrote

I agree she’d be considered homeless. Springfield Public Schools has a Homeless Liaison that would be a good place to start for her to get enrolled and she can contact them without involving her parents. The number is (417) 523-7587. https://www.sps.org/Page/2436

Also, I would check out the Middle College at OTC (Ozarks Technical Community College). That might be a good fit for her. You could also give them a call and talk with them and/or the homeless liaison could provide more info. 417-447-6997. https://academics.otc.edu/middlecollege

Thank you for taking the time to care for her. Wishing you all the very best!

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trystina t1_ir9wgg9 wrote

Rare breed as well may have resources.

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BabyRoo718 t1_irci8ey wrote

THIS! Just co-signing that by what you have shared she does qualify as McKinney-Vento and therefore has a right to immediate enrollment and district provided transportation.

edit: typo

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lola-starr98 t1_irbeqro wrote

Yes middle college was amazing for me, all the teachers and staff are amazing.

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SnagglinTubbNubblets t1_ir9yadb wrote

You're amazing, but I just want to add, once all this is done and you are in a better spot, sit her down and tell her that you'll be there for her whether she stays with your son or not. It can be hard for her to feel like she can end the relationship if they start to be different people because your son and his family is all she has. Just a thought.

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CCrabtree t1_ir9gd4s wrote

You are amazing for caring, seriously. This happens way more than the general public knows. In the state of Missouri a parent can say they are homeschooling and there is ZERO chance anyone will check up on them.

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Restricted_Access_06 t1_ir8yze3 wrote

I can’t give much advice nor really help in the situation but I just wanted to tell you:

You’re a wonderful person, a light in an otherwise cold world and thank you for doing what you have and will do in the future for that girl. It’s people like you who make a difference in the world.

Thanks for taking the time.

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Crazybritzombie t1_ir8wwr5 wrote

I'd suggest posting to R/legaladvice and seeing what they suggest. You may be able to receive guardianship with cooperation of the father and stepmom.

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12938je t1_ir9jvef wrote

They're probably getting financial aid for her which will be an even bigger hurdle to get past with these tweakers. If they are getting money because of her then you not only need to get them off their ass, but rather say goodbye to that funding if they relinquish guardianship.

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DebbieDunnbbar OP t1_irdfsq9 wrote

That’s definitely another concern. I don’t know for a fact they are, but I suspect it. The father is also somewhat of the paranoid “the police are watching me” tweaker variety, so I kind of suspect any effort to become her actual guardian will flip his trigger that we’re trying to scam them or get benefits somehow.

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DebbieDunnbbar OP t1_ir8yspu wrote

I’ll crosspost it there. If it requires cooperation, I doubt they’d do the guardianship thing willingly, though.

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LtColDuBois t1_ir9mais wrote

You can file a (pro se) petition for guardianship. Her parents likely won’t show.

https://www.courts.mo.gov/hosted/circuit11/Documents/RESPONDENT%20%20PETITION.pdf

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LiathWolf t1_ir9pv2m wrote

As a young man I found myself in a similar situation. Living in the middle of nowhere, being homeschooled and my parents just didn't really do anything. I studied hard for the GED and just took it. I now have an amazing career and make really good money. My advice would be either a) impersonate her dad, or b) help her study hard for the GED and just get it over with.

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DebbieDunnbbar OP t1_ir9svbu wrote

We thought of the GED thing, but you can’t do that till you’re 17, can you?

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LiathWolf t1_ira37af wrote

I had just turned 17. So you may be right. I had to study for a good bit though from a GED study book

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just_another_monster t1_irbjjhz wrote

I'm currently doing the MOLearns program online to earn my HiSET and the minimum age requirement is 17.

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Scully_the_truth t1_irbpmyg wrote

I do think you should call CPS or law enforcement on her parents so that there is a paper trail of what’s happening to this girl. I know CPS has a bad rap but I don’t think think these worthless people can talk their way out of motel jumping and why their child is not enrolled in school. You and your wife are doing a good thing by helping her. I just don’t think her parents should be able to get away with treating an innocent child like she’s disposable.

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nikmac76 t1_ir9hgfn wrote

No advice here, just wanted to tell you that you are a truly excellent parent.

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Capn_Mschf t1_ir9shiv wrote

She can try to emancipate herself due to her home situation.

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Wendypeffy t1_irc31h8 wrote

As others have said, emancipation is the move here. Assuming legal guardianship means that until she’s 18 you are FULLY responsible for her well being and her actions and as great of a kid as she may be, that is not something you probably want to risk. She’s young, but unfortunately it is time for her to start learning about how to be a responsible independent adult and you can help her with that once she is emancipated. Once enrolled in school, inquire with the school counselor about MO OP, the Missouri Options program to get her an actual diploma even though she is significantly behind on required graduation credits, that program is the catch up fast track to an actual diploma, not a GED(a GED can potentially disqualify her for future endeavors). If you need help, DM me. I work in school counseling and have assisted students with similar life circumstances. It’s a difficult situation to be in, but I’ve seen many kids rise from the ashes and turn out to be fabulous young adults. Thank you for caring.

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Pyxeeluv t1_ir8yehw wrote

A few years ago I had to send my son to live with a relative for year. All we had to do was send his birth certificate, social security card,and a notarized letter giving consent for the relative to care for my son. It wasn't anything formal, just simple letter giving permission to make life choices for him.

If you could talk them into doing that, you could enroll her in school, and the 'parents' cabn go back to being us eless.

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DebbieDunnbbar OP t1_ir8z4j9 wrote

If they’ve got to be present with the notary, I don’t have much hope on that. This piece of shit wouldn’t even let us drive him to a five minute interview so his daughter could go to the first and only dance she’s ever been to. These people are scum.

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Pyxeeluv t1_ir8zije wrote

You could try if they just write the letter....of course that assumes they eleven have her other documents. O.n another note I saw someone suggest she apply as a homeless teen. That would probably work, and I think Springfield offers online courses l. It might be worth looking into that.

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DebbieDunnbbar OP t1_ir914bv wrote

It’s worth a shot anyway. She does have her birth certificate and social security card (we helped her get copies of them a while back, can’t remember why, her parents couldn’t be bothered with that either).

On that homeless thing, I didn’t even think about a different school. We may be fucked on that one school we were talking to, but if she’s “homeless” we could enroll her in one of the Springfield ones as long as she can do it online. That could work!

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malevolentk t1_irb4tn2 wrote

There are several local notaries that are mobile - I wonder if they would sign if you brought one to them?

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DebbieDunnbbar OP t1_irci6lz wrote

Didn’t know that was a thing but makes sense. That might work.

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22TopShelf22 t1_ircwctm wrote

They have mobile notaries. Hopefully one has a kind soul and if you share this thread, they might provide services for free or at a discount. If I was one, I could not charge someone in this situation. Be aware, they must have valid id to notarize something.

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MotherofaPickle t1_iralabu wrote

You have to call CPS and get a lawyer. You may not be able to legally adopt her, but you may be able to become her legal guardian and ensure that not only is she properly enrolled in school, but that she gets therapy for having terrible parents.

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Goge97 t1_irayzdd wrote

It sounds, from your description that her father has a reason to avoid contact with government officials. You have offered several reasonable accommodations, transportation, etc. to help him enroll his daughter and he does not want to be "found".

You are an angel to help her! Several people have come forward with contact numbers and legal information regarding help for homeless teens. I hope you can get some help. She is an at-risk teen and anything that can be done to rescue her is a blessing.

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99badwolfbaloons t1_irb9ka1 wrote

Please consider removing the identifying information for the minor girl. It may seem harmless, but including such detailed information about her parents, where she moved from, and her whole situation could lead to someone recognizing her and is a violation of privacy. I’m sure you will get excellent feedback with less details.

And thank you for trying to get this child in school!

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lola-starr98 t1_irbejvw wrote

So you can probably help hee through the process of getting herself emancipated its what i did when I was 17 so I could enroll myself into a different school. Just talk to the school she would go to and ask them about the process.

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fouronesevenland t1_irbr3qs wrote

You're really a wonderful person for caring for this youth and trying to better her situation. I think there's some good answers in this thread so you should have what you need but just wanted to say that. Good luck!

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topflight8000 t1_ira0kam wrote

Wonder if MO has compulsory education laws.

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DibsMine t1_iraqjbo wrote

i had a situation like this in nixa schools and that allowed us to enroll in 5th grade as long as we supplied a letter from guardian that gave us temporary guardianship. Really they didnt even seem to care about this though when we just spoke to them and explained what was going on in the kids home life. Just get the school involved and dont lie or you could end up in jail if the parents complain.

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mutantxproud t1_ircp7b2 wrote

As a teacher here in the surrounding area, this hurts to read but it warms my heart to know there are good people out there trying to help. What an awful situation. I wish her (and you) the very best.

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Gqyoshi t1_irct08v wrote

God bless you dude! It's great to hear someone trying their hardest to look out for a kid who desperately needs help.

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22TopShelf22 t1_ircw4p1 wrote

First off, kudos to you. This is a tough conversation and many people don't have the courage to try and do what's right.

I'd encourage you to try and steer her towards getting her diploma. Theres a large stigma for people with Geds, regardless of circumstances. This poor girl, its not her fault and I honestly admire how she has persevered, just what little you have shared speaks so loudly for her character. I hope you can stand by her and help her change her future and be able to achieve greatness and run from.the absolutely shitty situation she started with thru no fault of her own.

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sp00ksh0wbarbie t1_ircwlbu wrote

Get guardianship so you can enroll her. Get the form from dfs office or Courthouse. Have dad sign and then you can enroll. He will still have custody. My aunt did it so I could enroll in Parkview.

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sp00ksh0wbarbie t1_ircwpg0 wrote

Also a organization called rare breed helped when I was a teen.

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Abbyhopes t1_ird5p5r wrote

I would also recommending reporting this girl’s situation to the abuse and neglect hotline in Missouri (https://dss.mo.gov/cd/keeping-kids-safe/can.htm), especially if there’s a lack of food. Thank you guys for caring and being a resource to her. I hope good options can be found for her.

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ellieb3709 t1_irfn1cw wrote

I work at the new youth drop in for ages 13 to 18 if you'd like to get in touch about how we may be able to help

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_ism_ t1_ir9iibb wrote

This is why I'm glad I got my IUD before I was kicked back onto the streets. This unhelpful comment brought to you by no sleep.

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DebbieDunnbbar OP t1_ir9izcq wrote

We felt a little awkward about it, but my wife actually got her on the birth control shot when we started letting her stay over because we knew her parents wouldn’t (they wouldn’t even take her to the ER when she had an appendicitis scare a couple months ago). Not ready to be a grandparent just yet.

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_ism_ t1_ir9j9py wrote

Gosh that's great I'm glad you're helping them with that too. I hated the shot when I was a young woman and that's why I'm glad I found iuds and was able to make an informed decision. The shots and pills absolutely wrecked my body and I wasn't really informed enough to choose something else when I was that young.

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DebbieDunnbbar OP t1_ir9m46z wrote

She’s had a little trouble with the shot too. Maybe we should’ve suggested an IUD. We did kind of steer her away from pills and toward the shot. My wife and I were both paranoid about the pills because we both remember teenage girls in high school who were on them and ended up pregnant anyway (I guess from missing some or whatever).

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Telegrand t1_ir9q9c6 wrote

IUD's are a great form of birth control in this situation, but as a heads up, you or your wife should read up on the insertion process and the amount of pain it can cause. If you decide to go this route, advocate strongly for this young women and make sure the medical provider takes appropriate measures. It is often traumatizing for adult women, and in this young ladies current situation, the experience could be devastating. As in, she might avoid reproductive health care for a long time because of it.

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_ism_ t1_ira6p74 wrote

Well the IUD isn't Fail-Safe either but for people like me with ADHD I find it hell of a lot easier than remembering to take pills or go in every so often for that injection. The insertion process varies by person and provider of course. I don't think I would want to do it if I was 15 years old either. However at Planned Parenthood of Indiana were great and more gentle than the Jordan Valley gynecologist yanked out the first one to put in the second one. I'm going on a tangent here. Sorry. I guess my point is if I could go back with the knowledge I have today I would have picked an IUD but I had had several years of gynecological exam experience and was used to a speculum by the time I chose that. I think that's important for somebody considering an IUD for their first choice if they haven't been through a thorough exam yet it could definitely be traumatizing as a first intro

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chicadehoma t1_irkyzyh wrote

If she's under 17, you can hotline for educational neglect. If you go this route, provide as many details as possible that would encourage them to take the case (food insecurity, neglectful parents, etc). Be prepared for them to reject the hotline online, though, because it only allows you to type so much (and they only take hotlines online at this point); however, you can call and give more info and they'll probably take it then. DFS will do a home visit and give parents a date to either enroll her or fill out homeschool paperwork. Living in a motel means she is considered homeless, and any public district must allow her to enroll.

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