oscar_the_couch t1_j80nny7 wrote
Reply to comment by letmeseesubreddits in TIFU by spending the night at my boyfriend’s by [deleted]
Uh. This is 100% on you, and the primary problem here is that you didn't communicate very well at all. You live with your grandparents who are, at least until you turn 18, still primarily responsible for things like making sure you aren't dead or missing because they're your legal guardians. Your mom's permission doesn't mean shit in this instance, except inasmuch as your legal guardians might defer to her, which it sounds like they do when they're actually aware.
You needed to tell them you wouldn't be coming home that night or of course they might think you're missing.
It doesn't sound like this was some weird attempt to harass you or punish you, based on how many friends and people you know they involved. It sounds like they, with pretty good reason, genuinely thought you were missing.
They might be inept and frustratingly bad at parenting a 17 year old, but it also sounds like you have some people who genuinely give a shit whether you live or die looking out for you. That isn't always a given!
Your mom has been in and out of rehab. Obviously if she goes out for extended periods of time they're probably pretty fucking worried she might start using again. Literally six months ago she was out of rehab!
This is a situation where, if you're lucky, you will have a very different perspective on this in like 10 years.
letmeseesubreddits t1_j80o5y6 wrote
my grandparents are not my legal guardians, they try to exert guardianship over me because they used to be my temporary guardians. i had some terms confused previously but i did research before replying to anyone else about it. my mom is my legal guardian and i updated that in my post since i was even confusing myself with it. i got permission from the person with guardianship over me and it should have been her concern, not theirs.
oscar_the_couch t1_j80rwcf wrote
the post you've now deleted said that your grandparents were your legal guardians.
either way, it's not entirely relevant. you had some people that you live with who you knew would expect you to come home at X time; you didn't come home at X time, and they (quite reasonably) believed that you were missing.
"did you have permission?" and "are you missing?" are two completely different questions. evidently not a single person told them that you wouldn't be coming home that night, and it was 100% reasonable of them to be pretty dang worried. if your post was "i gave my grandparents a heads up i wouldn't be coming home because i'm staying with my boyfriend, and i had permission from my mother to stay with him, and they called the cops on me / freaked out / etc.," my opinion on the situation would be 180 degrees different.
i also live with someone who loves and cares about me. if i'm going to be out later than she's expecting me home, i tell her so that she does not think i've gone missing. i also tell her where i'm going to be so that if i do go missing, she is able to tell authorities my last known whereabouts.
letmeseesubreddits t1_j80xlu5 wrote
i deleted the post because it got too big for my tastes. this definitely belonged better in a vent subreddit.
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