TIFU by not noticing an opportunity to flirt with a girl

Submitted by SilverLugia1992 t3_11ctbmt in tifu

This didn't happen today, but several years ago at a convention and I've thought about it every so often since then.

I went with my friends to a convention and at some point, one of them walks up to me with two girls and one of them walks up, opens up her arms, and asks me if want a hug. My dumb ass at the time took it literally, I then thought a few seconds about how was feeling at that moment and whether felt I needed a hug, and said witha smile, "nope! I'm good!" instead of saying the now obviously right answer, "well yeah! Of course do!" and hugged her, thus opening up the opportunity for flirting, chatting, and whatever else would come of it from that day forward. But no. According to my memory, that was probably the best, and only, chance had to be a normal, dating individual for once in my life. I am now 30M and have absolutely nothing even close to a girlfriend and never have. I know it's stupid, but when you've been as much of a romantic failure as I have, you tend to look back on things like that.

TL;DR had a chance to flirt with a girl a long time ago, but didn't because I was oblivious.

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Jolo_Jyn t1_ja4y9i3 wrote

This makes me sad... was she hurt by the rejection?

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SilverLugia1992 OP t1_ja51dyl wrote

I really can't remember =( Either my memory is bad, or I was totally focused on other things to even notice.

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Jolo_Jyn t1_ja51ls1 wrote

I'm sorry man :(

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SilverLugia1992 OP t1_ja521my wrote

Eh, it's fine. Maybe in the next decade I'll have a girl randomly ask me for a hug 🫠

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avast2006 t1_ja5st1h wrote

Someone out of the blue found you attractive. Ponder that for a moment. Not that you were distracted or closed off enough to miss the cue, but that she found you attractive enough to make an overture. That says you’re attractive.

Cons being what they are, she saw fit to express it flamboyantly. It’s entirely possible there have been other attempts since then that were more subdued to fit the circumstances. Consider that as a possibility, and commit to being open to recognizing them when they occur, and letting them in.

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SilverLugia1992 OP t1_ja5w4cs wrote

I understand what you're saying, and I appreciate it! I'm sure there's been a few other times, all of which, again, I was either too oblivious to notice or I was not interested. I'd like to think that I'm more receptive now, but it literally never happens anymore. I'm still in school and I walk down the halls and attend class and I go entirely unnoticed afaik. Even if I'm not, I might as well be because nobody talks to me and if they do, it's because they're doing their job or just being nice, the latter of which is something that took me an embarrassingly long time to recognize vs romantic interest. I now always make the assumption that they're just being nice, and it's always worked out and the few times I assumed it was romantic intent, I was wrong. So yeah, it's never easy =/

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avast2006 t1_ja63zrn wrote

I hear you. There are definitely places where flirting is a no-go. Anywhere that someone is being paid to be nice to you. Places where people go to do their own thing by themselves and not be bothered, like the gym or the grocery store. Places that tend to be a meat market, like community dancing, (while flirting isn’t forbidden, tread very lightly).

By way of perspective, what you were describing about missing cues etc, pretty accurately described me in my twenties. Women friends suspected I might be gay; no, just painfully awkward.

I hope that more of those experiences come your way, and that you know your worth well enough to recognize them when they are incoming.

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mominky t1_ja5vqjx wrote

Honestly to her this was a 3 second blip. To you its this huge thing you cant unsee. Get yourself out there - have the goood and the bad - thats what its all about :-)

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SilverLugia1992 OP t1_ja5wcxf wrote

I mean, it's not something that I think about every day, it's just that I've had few enough romantic encounters for me to think about occasionally and make me want to post about it =P

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Non_Silent_Observer t1_ja53f2t wrote

I’d recommend getting out more and putting yourself in scenarios where you are around more women. The more comfortable and confident you are around them (through exposure of being in social situations), the more they will pick up on that.

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SilverLugia1992 OP t1_ja53k6f wrote

Where would that be that's not a bar?

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avast2006 t1_ja5v5dg wrote

At events that express your shared interests. More cons! Renaissance faires, whatever. Break time during an evening class. Church. Community theater is a huge one. “I met my spouse doing ‘Kiss Me Kate’ stories are legion.

Put yourself out there so people can see you being real. It’s easier to be authentic when you’re doing what interests you. Someone is going to like what they see.

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MajestaHazel t1_ja4zvep wrote

I mean, it’s really fucking weird of her to do that so I think you made the right choice.

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SilverLugia1992 OP t1_ja51aed wrote

I didn't think it was weird at all

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MajestaHazel t1_ja527j1 wrote

To approach a total stranger and ask for a hug? It’s very weird.

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SilverLugia1992 OP t1_ja52edc wrote

Well I was thrilled and wish it'd happen more often XD

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FlyingSpagetiMonsta t1_ja5edri wrote

I mean...... you said no. And if it's the only time it's ever happened to ya, then it's like you never wanted it to happen :(

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SilverLugia1992 OP t1_ja5eltc wrote

My point in the post was me saying that I was an idiot. Of course I wanted it to happen, I just wasn't thinking about what it could have led to at all

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kratrz t1_ja55ggu wrote

It wasn't a total stranger. Sometimes you come out of these events with more hugs than names.

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Banaan75 t1_ja5c4u1 wrote

It really isn't that weird...chill out

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Electronic-Jaguar461 t1_ja5uhqw wrote

This is a dream come true for the socially awkward guys. It's like those memes where some women will makes comics like, "Imagine if girls always PESTERED you when you're out shopping or minding your own business, that would SUCK". Like no, that would be heaven. Different societal expectations and all.

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avast2006 t1_ja5wpee wrote

That’s a local environment/culture thing. It would be weird at a gym. At a convention, not weird at all. People let loose there.

Other places, interaction and overtures can be more subtle.

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heyitsvonage t1_ja811tt wrote

In real life, you have to do 90% of the work, my dude

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