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RosesToTheAbyss t1_j8auf0k wrote

This reminds me of the time a handful of years ago, I (jokingly?) told my entire team at work that I needed to high priority get an ezpass for the tolls on the thruway because, I "was tired of having to stop sobbing and pull myself together everytime I came up on the toll worker on my way home." They all looked a touch horrified. Didn't even have the excuse of being drunk. Noone acted any different towards me the next day. My dark-somewhat-accurate slip kinda put in real world perspective shit was not ok, internally. I hope things start turning upwards for you, that you aren't carrying these heavy feelings around much longer. Long and happy life, friend

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mcnathan80 t1_j8bxjvj wrote

I hear you!

I was the work goofball and when shit hit the fan and folks were stressed out they usually looked to me lighten the mood (usually…)

Well things got really stressful at work and I was dealing with some personal stuff and they were having some team meeting trauma bond shit. Like everybody take turns talking about a challenge, or someone you miss (you get the gist). The get to me and everyone’s waiting for me to say something silly (I said I was grateful for all day McDonald’s breakfast at the last company thanksgiving). And I actually tried but all that came out was something like “my greatest challenge is finding the will to care, or I miss who I was before the weight of the world crushed my spirit” (you get the gist).

Everyone just looked uncomfortably at the floor until the moved on to the next person.

It got better for me, hope it got better for you

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RosesToTheAbyss t1_j8bzvx7 wrote

I'm glad it turned around for you, it absolutely did for me too. I think it's an inherent part of being human, to have these spans in life where everything gets dark time and again. Goes to show, sometimes all you can do is just keep going, eventually the fever will break. "The only way out is through"

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AccentFiend t1_j8dgr25 wrote

No one really understands what a burden being “the funny one” is. We aren’t funny because we want to me or because we’re “naturally talented”. It’s born out necessity and comes at a price we don’t talk about. It’s manageable until something like COVID happens and suddenly everyone is leaning on you. How are you supposed to tell the people who have depended on you on and off forever that their standard precedent needs a break? They can’t handle it. You can’t handle it. It’s just broken pieces of everyone everywhere.

I like being witty/funny, and I understand the cost, but damn if I don’t just want to curl up with a book or ten and hide from the world sometimes. There are times when Voldemort doesn’t seem to bad lol

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mcnathan80 t1_j8dh6fk wrote

Ahh

The Tears of a Clown

Hugs to you fellow Pagliacci

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JuxtaPissEngine t1_j8zaw0e wrote

You got the squirrel on the head... Being the "funny one" is just being able to articulate the absurdity of, well, society - I would say - life - but that's not very accurate. Life be what it be - societies make shit weird. But yeah ppl think I'm just "naturally talented" at making a dark joke out of everything - no, y'all taught me this. But the cost is tremendous.
They need a voice of reason veiled in a joke - we need a shoulder to cry on - bc we can see how fucked up everything is but we can't do anything about it... So, just make a joke.

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AccentFiend t1_j8zq38o wrote

I’m getting squirrels now, eh? Just call me Katniss and light me on fire 😉

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JuxtaPissEngine t1_j8zv7zl wrote

You got the joke - congrats, you get life - now you hafta deal with it... (What's the best way to keep a baby from running around a circle?) But yes, self immolation seems as good a way as any. I wouldn't know - I've never died before... Or, have I?

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[deleted] OP t1_j8cangh wrote

[deleted]

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Rayne_K t1_j8ccx62 wrote

Don’t do it if you can possibly avoid it. I had a mental health crisis and crashed hard. I had been very transparent about my struggle leading into, so many people were not surprised. I brought a work project down (it got delayed) with me, and although my colleagues were amazing, the organizational leaders were not. My recovery has involved a reduced work schedule, and they demoted me as far as they possibly could, and basically disappeared me so I am totally isolated from my work community of a decade - yes, a decade.

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SpacePolice04 t1_j8cd3ni wrote

It is an illness like any other but I 100% feel like it would hurt my career to share too much.

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AnyaElizabeth t1_j8d6hhf wrote

People can be reeeelatively chill about depression, anxiety or ADHD, but the closer you get to what people think of as "crazy" the riskier it gets, even if completely managed - bipolar, schizophrenia etc. I think I would only disclose if I intended to get active in mental health advocacy within the company/industry, and not if I just wanted to do my job, or had ambitions above my current role... Because it will definitely make life harder. It sucks, but mental health discrimination is insidious and rife. 😞

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