TIFU by not knowing how to say no

Submitted by ChanceGuarantee7801 t3_yik4u7 in tifu

For a little background, I (m18) am bi and I’m just figuring out my sexuality, It’s been hard to do so because I live in a very religious country and every not straight person is frowned upon.

I came out a month ago to one of my friends (m18) as bi, (he was the only person i told because before I told him, he told me he was bi and I felt like I could tell him about my sexuality), he was very understanding and I really like him as a friend, after i told him I was bi he became one of my closest friends.

A week ago he told me he liked me and wanted to have a relationship with me, i freaked out, i didn’t know what to do so i said that i liked him too, now i don’t know what to do because he keeps on making plans and i don’t know how to say no now, i just keep making excuses and hoping he stops liking me.

Today he message me asking if i wanted to talk to him on lunch break and i just ignored his messages. Any advice is appreciated TL;DR: I didn’t know how to tell a friend that I didn’t like him in a romantic way and now i’m f*cked

Edit: Thanks to all of you who wrote in, Im gonna tell him i’m not ready for a relationship yet, i’ll update u guys how it goes.

2,737

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

dadarkgtprince t1_iuj1eiz wrote

Just be honest with him. You're still figuring out you, and were caught off guard by his request and didn't know how to respond

2,504

weasel_mullet t1_iuj4ulc wrote

You don't need advice from internet strangers. You need to listen to your own advice. Your title says it all and tells you what you need to fix. Learn to be honest and forth coming, and how to say no.

1,010

ChanceGuarantee7801 OP t1_iujanyl wrote

Thanks! i’ll try

278

shaybabyx t1_iukbk5e wrote

Maybe you should go speak to a therapist or something, you should be able to stand up for yourself and be honest. It’s dangerous to simply let things happen to you that make you feel uncomfortable because it could impact you in the long run.

87

CanIPleaseTryToday t1_iuj51i3 wrote

Best not to drag things out and admit the truth. You were caught off guard with his confession, so it’s better to admit that than to keep being in a relationship with someone you only see as a friend.

128

TwoKeezPlusMz t1_iuk84f3 wrote

Whatever happens, please close that first open parenthesis.

112

ch36h8 t1_iuj5vjv wrote

omggg. the same thing happend to me, only difference is that i didn’t even like the person as a friend and kinda ghosted them. now i regret this, as it was a pretty shitty thing to do, so i don’t recommend doing that. i think you should say something like “i’m sorry, i f*cked up, can we be friends?”

wish you good luck. i know it’s very hard 😕

52

Corridos t1_iujbk39 wrote

>i think you should say something like “i’m sorry, i f*cked up, can we be friends?”

that

25

NamiRabbit t1_iuk40qb wrote

The longer you drag this out the more likely you’ll really hurt him and lose any chance of a friendship. You need to be honest

40

KleinWolf32 t1_iujfi9f wrote

Don't you mean : "Not getting f*cked"?

Sorry, I can't help, but maybe a little humor can brighten your day.

16

Absolutethrowaway416 t1_iujv48v wrote

Some day youll look back on this "issue" and realize how easy you had it. Dont dwell on it and just tell him how you really feel.

12

Beanbag_j t1_iujd8qs wrote

Honestly the best thing to do if you’d rather let him down gently is just say something along the lines of “I’ve been thinking and I don’t want to ruin our friendship. Being in a relationship can cause a lot of complications and that could ruin the friendship we already have.” Best of luck OP

10

skiutahus1249 t1_iuj46or wrote

Just tell him you want to take it slow as you want him as a friend; not sure where you are, not ready for anything physical, just happy to have him to talk to.

7

maxgamer7948 t1_iujg7jm wrote

As a guy I would appreciate your honesty. It's way better to tell him that you don't like him rather than lying to him about your feelings. (We guys get excited quickly).
Try to tell him in the friendliest way possible that you made a mistake, and that you see him more as a friend to talk to, and that you want to go slow. Good luck!

7

Dmansdarksoul t1_iuk8ar9 wrote

You did not know how to say NO, and got f*cked! Its all I read!

6

justl00kingthrowaway t1_iujg3ru wrote

Tell him you are not interested in him that way and do it quickly because he is not picking up your signs and it's not fair to either one of you. Don't ghost him or ignore him. You have to address this and address this head on. I wish you well.

5

captnspock t1_iujj87j wrote

Be honest with him tell him you are just now exploring and accepting your sexuality. That you don't know if you like him cause he is a friend or romantically. That you don't want to hurt him or your friendship. That you need to slow down and go back to being friends till you figure yourself out.

4

enjoymeredith t1_iujjc6f wrote

Oh no, that sucks! I hate confrontation and making ppl feel bad so i would hate to be in this situation

2

Educational-Glass-63 t1_iujsq7l wrote

Just be up front that you see this person as a friend and not a date. Be kind and offer to hang out as just friends if you want to. Hang in there and use this as a lesson learned.

1

Filhodovento t1_iujuqpu wrote

You have so say what you think. Be honest is the best way here. You should lie only if someone is down and you want that ppl to feel better.

1

Ursapsi t1_iujghqy wrote

Be direct as possible. Or just screenshot this reddit post and send it to him?

−3

durgadas t1_iujm82d wrote

  1. You need space to sort it out. Give yourself permission for that, which it sounds like you have.
  2. His approach is one most people want because it's put into the society that "people who ask or pursue succeed"
  3. It didn't work for you in this case
  4. Don't be scared to hurt the feelings of a person who is your friend. Rather rely upon their friendship to absorb the need you have for space and time.
  5. This person made a mistake by not seeing that maybe you weren't ready yet. For them, perhaps the fact that THEY could talk about this with YOU means "I'm solid and ready to go" but that's not the case for you. I would have wanted them to ask how solid you were or how confused you are before posting up with such an emotional ask right away.
  6. If it helps, take a look at Betty Martin's Wheel Of Consent: https://bettymartin.org/videos/

So you can see and understand or show someone what is up with you in terms of being ready. The part about Giving and Receiving, as well as the general graphic, are really helpful to understand how to envision and then talk about consent, which goes quite beyond just touching and intimacy.

−4