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ag9910 t1_iy5cy3v wrote

I totally understand why you feel so bad and you sound sincere, but based on what you’ve shared he doesn’t sound upset to me. He easily could’ve just said he isn’t gay if he wasn’t comfortable sharing that. Either way, have you gone to him directly to apologize? He’d be able to identify your sincerity more than an email to HR. You may be beating yourself up over nothing. If not, use it as a learning experience

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OriginalName483 t1_iy5dtts wrote

He also asked for OPs phone to make the call and didn't seem like he was trying to hide it at all. I'm pretty sure A is fine with being recognized as gay.

Though calling him "the gay guy" isn't ideal, it was descriptive in that context for someone you barely know anything about and he doesn't sound bothered.

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anonloserdude OP t1_iy5enb0 wrote

I hope he's ok. I would rather he gets a message or call from me and him laughing at me, then him being upset.

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aussie_nub t1_iy6ftvl wrote

Ask him? Do it privately (and in person) and just be sincere. There's a reasonable chance that he'll be like "it's not a secret."

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anonloserdude OP t1_iy5e0f9 wrote

I haven't yet but I most certainly am going to. I more wanted to email HR to get his work contact info, but wasn't sure if he'd even want to speak to me or have an email from me. I'm worried that he perhaps went along with it all, to not cause a scene or something.

It's stuck in my head and this sounds weird but I wanted to give him some kind of ownership of choice back as he could choose to respond to me if emailed him or through HR, does that even make sense?

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Specialist_Gas4186 t1_iy70x0s wrote

It makes perfect sense. And it’s very noble of you. That you are trying to make this right speaks volumes about your character. I hope that your colleague is okay and can forgive you for what you clearly regret. Please let us know how it goes.

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