Submitted by Missing411_hopenot t3_zww1ru in tifu
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Comments
[deleted] t1_j1xwbkq wrote
Exactly it's not OP's fault at all.
I___________ t1_j1y1hua wrote
Correction, she’ll come back if her skills WERE cutting it. If she was not a good student, then she ain’t ever gonna be seen again if her skills weren’t up to par.
I’m sure she’ll come to her senses eventually though once she realizes its squatch migrAting season.
Butt_Stuph t1_j1y81hv wrote
> skills WERE cutting it
Pun intended?
hand-collector t1_j1zzi4t wrote
Holy shit dude
I___________ t1_j2045dh wrote
No pun intended, please show me the light. Easy on the butt stuff though
Throwaway7387272 t1_j207x27 wrote
My first thought lol
aqlu t1_j1zmdn5 wrote
Going by OP - he taught her some baseline level of skills, gave them opportunity to practice, and she spent some time preparing for this. Preparation usually means a slip up doesnt guarantee death, but it's all internet conjecture til he posts an update
turingthecat t1_j1x6b60 wrote
I’m far far more worried that her parents reacted to her self harming by getting so angry that she didn’t feel safe staying at home.
I mean my parents reacted badly, my mum told me I was already ugly and I shouldn’t make it worse, they ignored my debilitating depression (they still do, 20 years later, but I’m an adult, I can protect myself), but they never made me feel so fearful that I left my home, to wild camp, in the middle of winter.
Even if you aren’t a mandated reporter, I think this needs reporting to your local child protection agency
JonseyMcFly t1_j1z1jfy wrote
OP is over here thinking he did a bad thing teaching her how to survive, I'm over here thinking OP might have given her the only skill she ever needed to escape an abusive situation, so you never know.
especially if it is a church group there could be a whole lot of underlying issues of why she ran away from home.
octopi25 t1_j21px4a wrote
this was my first thought. op seems to have helped this kid see their own strength and survive. giving a teen girl a sense of personal power in an environment that is not usually into women having a voice is a pretty special gift
liitle-mouse-lion t1_j1yikaz wrote
Completely agree but it seems OP believes she should also "face the music." There's no way this is going to be reported
Glass0115 t1_j1zfin4 wrote
If she's cutting and then runs away in the middle of winter, it's far more likely that there is more going on at home than a bad reaction to discovering the kid is depressed. Psychological abuse is also horrible- even worse when coupled with physical abuse of some kind. Glad to hear you made it out of your situation and I totally agree it should be reported.
SilentButtDeadlies t1_j2250oy wrote
"Face the music" could mean going to therapy and/or big emotional potentially embarrassing conversations. I know I used to do everything to avoid taking about my feelings as a teenager. It doesn't necessarily mean abuse. At least I would hope so.
pdirth t1_j1x5way wrote
She could be out there without skills, or out there with skills....which would you prefer? ... You did nothing wrong. You gave someone skills that may help them survive whatever they're going through in a situation THEY put themselves in.
Ok_Time8560 t1_j1ym6co wrote
Yep. She would have run away anyway. Now she has a chance at surviving.
SSNs4evr t1_j1x9l79 wrote
You didn't FU, you did a great service to the youth of your church. If a person chooses to cheat on their taxes, is it because a teacher taught them math? Or another teacher taught them to read? No! One of those kids could save a life someday, and that could be because of what you taught them.
[deleted] t1_j1xatbr wrote
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SSNs4evr t1_j1xczl4 wrote
You taught the kids something good. You can't control what they do with that knowledge. Hopefully she won't do anything to cause harm to herself. Even with having survival skills, surviving in nature sucks, especially in winter. I certainly wouldn't want to be cold and alone, even with being able to safely get through it.
[deleted] t1_j1xqocy wrote
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vildingen t1_j1yfhaa wrote
It sounds like you're doing more to make sure she is safe and feeling cared for than her parents did. You aren't the one that fucked up here in any way.
ChopstickChad t1_j1yne77 wrote
You didn't fuck up at all. We'll probably never know but it might even be so that attending your classes is one of the things that gives her the positivity and sense of self worth and reliance that she did not kill herself yet. We'll probably never know but I've sort of been that teenager myself and will tell you it is possible.
SSNs4evr t1_j1zouub wrote
Any updates on finding the girl?
[deleted] t1_j1zdhmh wrote
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Fleetdancer t1_j1xalnl wrote
You will only have fucked up if you fail to call CPS. A child should not be so afriad of their parents that they run away to sleep outside in the middle of winter. If you care about this kid you need to call the authorities.
angellou13 t1_j1xd0qb wrote
Uuuummmm, yea so not a fuck up.
See, sooner or later the kid was probably gonna run away from home anyways. You just gave her a better chance at surviving.
eileen404 t1_j1z1c6z wrote
Better camping in the woods than everyone up being trafficked because she was cold and hungry. You made sure she had knowledge and skills to make an educated choice even running away instead of just mindlessly fleeing. And don't think teaching her sterile techniques was a mistake. Better she cuts somewhat safely than randomly. I can't imagine anyone ever thought, "oh, I shouldn't cut necessarily because I could get an infection"
Alamue86 t1_j1xphob wrote
Look at it another way.
You gave her a better option than unaliving herself.
Cooperate with authorities, maybe go out there and see if you can find her, and see what she wants to do.
Step_False t1_j1x4ikl wrote
Not a FU. You changed these kids lives and maybe saved them in a case of an emergency. Pray for her and maybe add a search and rescue course for future classes.
lapidaryleporidae t1_j1x86tb wrote
Literally, this is the opposite of your fault.
Devil_May_Kare t1_j1xxboz wrote
If she's freaking out enough that she'd run away from home, she's freaking out enough that she probably didn't consider whether it'd be safe or not before leaving. She's safer than she otherwise would be because of you.
TucuReborn t1_j1yh9rf wrote
As an Eagle Scout, you did good.
Knowing how to survive in an emergency is critical, and you taught them all the tools they need. You did good.
The thing about tools, however, is that you can't control how others use them. This goes for every tool, be it a car, skis, a hammer, or a gun. You can teach how to use them safely and properly, but you cannot control another person's actions.
However, if their family life is this bad, there's other problems that need addressed that you are most likely not qualified to handle. If she was going to run away, she was going to do it regardless of what you taught. You gave her tools to take better care of herself during that, however, which is a good thing. I'd rather have a runaway who knows how to not die than one who grabs their Switch and perfume and treks off into the wilderness.
treetreestwigbranch t1_j1xtx6f wrote
My grandfather taught me grow food in the garden but I’m not running off to be a farmer now.
There are a lot of things we can’t control. This is not on you it’s her family.
Maybe one day your training will help someone else survive a life or death situation. We can only hope the time this girl spends in the woods shows her some perspective and works out for the better.
Maybe your next lesson is now and a crash course in tracking and search and rescue is in order.
Fooldrew t1_j1xo9l4 wrote
You could look at this as a FU, sure...but what I see is her home life was not that great so she used the knowledge she picked up from you (and honestly probably a lot more than you...) to escape for a while. At least you taught her well...when I did the same thing around 13 it was all self taught and trial and error...and a LOT of error
Princessroya t1_j1x82u6 wrote
Ummmmm you did not FU.
TeebsTibo t1_j1xaclv wrote
Not an FU, you did the right thing. Know that
whoamiforrealsie t1_j1yih58 wrote
Today you kicked ass. Except for saying she ran away to not face the music- that’s pure assholery.
You taught a child who is experiencing terrible pain and likely neglect how to survive. She’ll have a chance at a normal life in her adulthood because of you. How do you think this would go without those skills?
AjahnAnarchy t1_j1xb2ug wrote
If the girl ran away, her parents need to checked up on.
Slippedhal0 t1_j1xpebm wrote
You didn't fuck up. Survival skills are a great addition to any kids skillset, it's not somehow your fault that she ran away. In fact she's probably now less liable to get herself hurt before she comes back.
And she'll thank you (maybe not out loud) when she gets help for her self harm and your medical skills leave her with less severe scarring.
justl00kingthrowaway t1_j1xfe5b wrote
This is so not a TIFU. A science teacher shows students how to make chemical compounds does that mean the teacher should feel guilty when the student poisons someone. No and neither should you. You taught with the best of intent and not show this kid on how to go on the run.
queen_of_potato t1_j1xj05o wrote
Mate, it's not your fault she ran away, she would have done that anyway! But you may just be the reason she survives.. don't feel bad, feel proud!
NerdOnTheStr33t t1_j1ypbcl wrote
No fuck ups here. If she's harming and feels the need to run from parents instead of "face the music" as you put it, she's obviously in a situation where she feels her life would be better off in a place she wouldn't have to "face the music" for her mental health troubles. What you have done is teach her some vital and useful skills for survival which has probably helped her emancipate herself from her shitty situation. What you've done is a GOOD thing. The alternatives could have been much MUCH worse. As an ex churchist, I can confirm that church is no place for people with mental health issues which lead to self harming. Praying about it, exorcism and reading more Bible only serve to cause more damage. Hopefully she finds her way to some people who can help her with her problems. All you done is give her the tools to survive on her own and for that you should be commended.
FallenFae t1_j1zp4fq wrote
As a guy who did this EXACT thing as a kid, thank you. Just like the guy that taught me, you gave me the skills and means to live where my parents weren't physically and emotionally abusing me. I left the house at 15, and lived in the forests of New Hampshire until I turned 17, and then joined the Navy right before my birthday so that I could turn 18 in boot camp. Those two years of my life were difficult, but I WOULD have killed myself if I had to live with my parents during that time. She thanks you, and will never forget you.
MisterBodo t1_j1z2v0z wrote
If this girl reappears, it might be thanks to the survival skills you taught her, that’s the opposite of a fuck up. She would have ran away regardless, so your teachings might save her
Robobvious t1_j1yjuvw wrote
This has literally nothing to do with you so stop feeling bad. The only thing that knowledge can do is help keep her alive.
Inevitable-tragedy t1_j1ynaze wrote
Dude. You gave a viable option to leave an abusive situation. Most kids just leave without this information and end up dead. You gave her a survival chance.
Smileynameface t1_j1yy6e7 wrote
People have run off for years. Just look at the story "into the wild". The difference is you gave this child a chance to survive.
Schemen123 t1_j1z50hn wrote
You aren't the cause an because of you she knows whats dangerous and how to survive.
Even in winter people can survive some time outdoors with proper gear and knowledge!
NightKnightTiger t1_j1ycoon wrote
See your FU was actually that you were involved with a religious organization
Tristanritter t1_j1yi92u wrote
man I understand your feeling of guilt. but you gave this girl, and by the sounds of it many other lucky kids, essential skills for life I wish I was taught. that poor girl is going through some stuff and she may have ran away anyway, even without the skills you taught her. so you may have inadvertently saved her life, if she gets into a bad situation, with the skills you taught her.
motific t1_j1yko3r wrote
You gave that kid the skills and confidence to flee when she may have felt her only option was to end it.
No FU here.
whosthedumbest t1_j1yqzzj wrote
You are being unfair to yourself. This is an issue about her home life and her family.
texo_optimo t1_j1yrvir wrote
Parent's fault, not yours. Nice work teaching the youth, OP.
brpajense t1_j1yim68 wrote
Sounds like she's ready to camp for a few days, not make a life of living in the woods or on the road.
There's a good chance she'll be back and be ok.
Lined_the_Street t1_j1yrd54 wrote
She would've run elsewhere or not she had the skills. Hopefully she learned enough to survive, if so then this might be a better alternative
Imagine if instead of running to the woods she ran off with some random dude she met online. This is what several people I knew did in highschool, one of them literally ran off with a 34 year old dude who ended up getting arrested cause he was a straight up sex offender.
Point is if she is surviving on her own then she is in a sense of the word, safe
iostefini t1_j1yybvf wrote
Imagine she was in a situation where she needed to get away and didn't have these skills, what would happen then?
She'd either 1) Not be able to run away, and be trapped in a situation that feels unliveable to her (HUGE risk for suicidal action there. or maybe she was in physical danger and would actually be harmed if she stayed?), or 2) Run away in the middle of winter without any survival skills at all.
And yes you showed her how to treat injuries. That is one of the biggest harm-reduction techniques taught to people who self-harm. That makes her safer.
Imagine how unhappy this poor girl must have been to be self-harming regularly and then leaving her home with no good place to go. If you gave her happiness and made her safer (which you did), then you did a good thing.
mxmccc t1_j1z9ou7 wrote
Don't feel guilty. You are not responsible for her home situation and also not her decisions or actions. You gave her skills to survive, and if anything at least she knows how to be safe and get by. Best of luck, Im sure she'll return quickly
nofstoshare t1_j1zhm4k wrote
NTA
You've taught these kids some amazing skills. This isn't a FU.
I'd suggest you consider some new skills to share with them going forward. You may need to reach out in your community for some help from professionals, but this experience shows these skills are needed! Teach these kids about mental health. Emotional intelligence. Conflict resolution. Resources available in the community. Teach these kids that not only can they survive in the forest, but they can survive in the rest of the world and be healthy and happy.
I'd also suggest you leave the church / religion out of this part of their lives. It's very damaging and divisive. It's an unfortunate institution that brought this amazing group together. Leave the religion out of your teachings and help these kids build amazing life skills!
Miliey t1_j210aqz wrote
All you taught her was to stay safe, she would have run either way, she is atleast a lot safer now.
[deleted] t1_j1x6373 wrote
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anniday18 t1_j1ytnzj wrote
I'm sure she would have done it anyway. It's positive to know she is prepared in some way thanks to you.
CognitivePrimate t1_j1ywhga wrote
Sounds like you helped this kid. That's not a fuck up.
Alien_lifeform_666 t1_j1yyr55 wrote
Bro she would have run away regardless. You taught her skills that will keep her alive. Because of your teaching, she’s in the wilderness, which is orders of magnitude safer than the inner city streets where a lot of runaway teens end up. You didn’t make her run away but you are probably the reason she’ll come back safe.
Abbhrsn t1_j1yz1u8 wrote
You didn't FU, if anything you saved their life. They probably were gonna run either way, you simply made it so that they can be safe. You can't blame youself for what's going on in their personal life, it's like a driving instructor being mad that a student got in a car wreck or chase or something.
Plus, you're only getting the parent's side..there may be more to this story.
SavePeanut t1_j1z9iql wrote
Religion and parents are most obviously at any possible faults here, don't blame yourself for others choices and responsibilities.
[deleted] t1_j1zb78k wrote
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Perkynips83 t1_j1zcaet wrote
You may have just preemptively saved this struggling childs life. Feel greatful if she makes it and works all this out on her own while she has time to get away. You may have also unlocked a new passion in her to be outdoors and do life a little differently than what the rest of the world expects out of us.
Ultimately if it doesn't work out for her it's still not your fault "for not doing more" or whatever other guilt you may face in this time. Her life issues weren't your fault, nor are you responsible for her response in how she attempted to escape from it. All you did was attempt to give her tools to make it easier on her if she finds herself in a situation that she needs those tools.
Maelja t1_j1zcwjh wrote
Survival in the wild is significantly safer than survival on the streets. Especially for the emotionally vulnerable.
Squigglepig52 t1_j1ze565 wrote
The odds are way higher she's run to another urban environment, not the deep woods.
gimmeecoffee420 t1_j1zfcuv wrote
Dude, NOT your fault! You had NO way of knowing this would happen, and I dont know you but I feel like i can safely assume that if you had any idea any of these kids was planning something like this you wouldve done something to stop it. I can understand you feeling guilty, but you didnt cause this outcome. If you were explicitly teaching kids to run away from home then yes.. but my dude, you are teaching priceless skills that these kids are insanely lucky to be learning from someone with the skills and experience you have. I was lucky enough to grow up in the country and was taught the same kind of skills you talked about and i have had to use them on many occasions, id be dead many times over had it not been for people like yourself that cared enough to show us and teach us these skills. Please dont blame yourself? This is not your fault.
tres271 t1_j1zfpfd wrote
You doing God’s work
throwaday2020 t1_j1zgfw0 wrote
I don't think this is your FU. In my limited experience, religious parents often react very poorly to issues like depression, suicidal ideation and self harm because of the shame and misguided perception that it's a moral failing. Which often explains the issues in the first place. This is her parent's FU.
Sniperwolf216 t1_j1zlg40 wrote
This isn't your fault in any way. You're using the same logic as those who blame the gun instead of the person. You taught her how to survive (and might I also add enjoy a very fulfilling outdoors hobby), you didn't teach her to harm herself or run away.
You lessons may very well have saved her life. They say ignorance is bliss but Mother Nature is a cold hearted bitch who will strike at the unknowing.
Rattimus t1_j1zx1e3 wrote
How is this a TIFU? OP teaches kids skills they almost certainly wouldn't have learned otherwise. Not OP's fault that one of the kids has used these skills to run away from home. For the blame there, you look first to the parents, strong chance they aren't any good.
shadowyassassiny t1_j204xb8 wrote
OP, she would have run away regardless. you gave her the skills to be safe and survive while she’s gone.
Jay_in_DFW t1_j205o5b wrote
That's like saying I taught some kid karate, so they can be a better bully.
People make their own decisions - you can't live their life.
timberwolf0122 t1_j21cb3z wrote
This is not a fuck up. If someone is going to run away they might as well be a safer doin got.
JonseyMcFly t1_j222aqe wrote
With that update you are probably the best person to talk her down.
Probably one of the few adults she has any trust in and hopefully if she talks you take whatever she says seriously.
NotAChristian666 t1_j1y7ykp wrote
Why on earth would you think it's your fault?
Oh, wait... you said church. Guess that's the guilt and shame you get for believing myths and children's fairytales.
shadowspyryt t1_j1zdw1f wrote
You should feel guilty. For your perceived notion that someone who is harming themselves should "face the music." The situation calls for understanding, love and support. Maybe you need to reassess yourself and the situation. And it sounds like her parents should be doing the same thing if she felt the need to run away.
Akitiki t1_j1zhd3c wrote
Generally when you have church parents and a kid who is not about that life, a kid that is anything but straight, a kid that is interested in anything even slightly niche, they're going to get looked down upon by their parents.
Just because it's a church doesn't mean the kid isn't called a bitch or whore, isn't told to be normal, isn't getting hit, isn't being actively disallowed to participate in anything, isn't being neglected...
Perhaps her father beats her with a belt. You certainly don't know that. And you can't say he doesn't because even if you were living there, a true abuser would find a way. (Burning girls with cigarettes where their bra strap would hide the scar...). There's a lot of evidence of church parents being very abusive towards their kids that don't fit in their pretty little mold. And you always hear, "I never thought [he'd] do that!"
It comes from home.
You gave her the ability to get out of there.
By God, report them to CPS, especially if she returns. Something is going on at home.
No_Love_1353 t1_j1xiglh wrote
Can you ruck? My suggestion would be for you, her instructor, to be out on the hunt for her. Right now it seems like you’re the one that would know both her mindset and exactly what you’ve taught her. So ruck up and go bring your student home.
kletskopke t1_j1yi1hm wrote
Way to put some more responsibility onto the shoulders of someone who already feels responsible enough and ISN’T.
JonseyMcFly t1_j1z1vyw wrote
Sometimes the only thing that matters is if you feel responsible and if you feel responsible then yeah you should do something that you are capable of helping.
Regardless if the rest of us agree that op is responsible or not.
No_Love_1353 t1_j1z85ms wrote
The OP knows what I’m talking about, even if the downvoters don’t.
lucerogreenman t1_j1yazdw wrote
Can you teach me???? I wanna know how to do open heart surgery on a raccoon!
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aqlu t1_j1x537l wrote
If she's out there surviving, then you taught her well. She'll come back in if her skills aren't cutting it against the elements. You're not responsible for shitty household situations.