Submitted by Choice_Ad9265 t3_zulndg in tifu
So I (30f) planned Christmas Eve boxes for parents (both 66) and my boyfriend (31m). These things have been stressing me tf out. I hand burned (pyrography) individual designs on each box and went out and bough fluffy socks, a puzzle book, an interesting book, some chocolates and some alcohol.
My father is notoriously hard to buy for. He has everything he could possibly need, so my partner helped me find the books to put in his box. We went for a small sudoku book and a book called 'Brilliantly Bad' subtitled 'Inventions so bad they're good'. I flicked open, saw a page called 'combined coat and urinal', giggled and told my boyfriend we shouldn't, he similarly flicked to a page and found something equally as benign and said it was fine. Agreed, we purchased the book and it was placed in his box, happily containing it's knowledge until tonight.
We all opened our boxes, much oohing and ahhing at the thoughtful books, everyone begins to flick through. I'm joyfully watching the happiness I have brought to my loved ones and then I look over at my father.
The man who raised me is say there slowly turning deeper shades of red as he tries desperately to maintain his composure and not laugh. I ask what he's spotted, expecting that he's having a chuckle over the urinal coat or some other underpant related invention. Nope, he giggles like a school girl and announces to the room that he's looking at a design for a 'sexual device with a smoking pipe'. My other half loses it and is giggling almost as much as my father. My mother looks horrified, and I want the ground to open up and swallow me. But no, it doesn't. Instead my father regales us with such wonders as 'The Musical Condom', 'Man's DIY erection truss', 'Nipple Suppression Device' and 'Portable Vibrating Bidet'. My mother is trying to process what's going on whilst asking questions that should never be uttered by a 66 year old woman such as 'why does a bidet need to vibrate? Why are they talking about nipples? What's that picture of?'.
Needless to say my father thinks this is the best Christmas present ever and wishes to take it to all family events over the next few weeks, my boyfriend is gleefully laughing at my complete and utter embarrassment, and my mother keeps asking about things that I never ever wanted to discuss with her.
So yeah, Christmas is great!
TL;DR; I bought my 66 father a book filled with NSFW inventions without realising and now my mother won't stop asking me questions I really do not want to answer.
AutisticPenguin2 t1_j1jz7vu wrote
Reply with "I'll tell you when you're older". Give her a taste of her own medicine 😀