reevelainen t1_j1qg5bc wrote
Reply to comment by GsTSaien in TIFU by thinking I have to practice with a pro before having sex with my girlfriend by [deleted]
Who said there's defending in his actions? Hell no. Communicating is a thing and there's tons of other solutions they could have solved this. Ending up cheating is delusional and we should be worried from where these men are finding these expectations that doesn't exist.
I'm not familiar with that umm...hentai plot level trash logic and I don't want to, thank you. I quess it makes more sense to consume cartooned porn rather than real porn made in oppressive misogynistic environment but I don't have enough experience to truly say anything.
GsTSaien t1_j1qhepg wrote
Men find these made up expectations from other men who don't know what they are talking about. Being self concious about your sexual performance is natural and ok, but those expectations aren't coming from us, and that line of thought from op is nothing but coping for selfish behavior.
If I had an inexperienced guy, as long as he was around my age and not too young or much older, it would be unlikely to bother me unless he made it an issue by drawing attention to it. From my perspective that is not a problem, if anything it is exciting to get a chance to blow someone's mind. I don't expect to get off the first time I am with a new partner anyway, that takes patience and being a lot more comfortable.
reevelainen t1_j1r30q5 wrote
So instead if comparing each other's experience of dating women, they have made a conclusion completely out of the blue that women have some sort of glass roof of requirements towards men eventhough any non-violent hygienic unemployed would do? I would love to dig in the root reason why that had happened. It sounds rather dangerous tbh.
I don't think it's about expecting the other to be experienced or even a non-virgin but these experiences are a big part of masculinity most of the times. Mostly everyone wants to feel desired, and if that just never happens, I'd imagine it's hard to break the loop and suddenly turn into attractive dude in the eyes of the other. The feel of being desired often helps the self-confidence which is attractive feature. But again, this is just my experience as a man so it's not your widely researched knowledge about manhood and such.
GsTSaien t1_j1r5g9t wrote
Stop it with that sarcastic tone. Your mockery is counter productive to intellectual honesty.
reevelainen t1_j1ram94 wrote
Oh, I'm sorry. My academic background is super thin and most of my english might seem a bit rude as we Finnish people are famous of being bad at small talk. I'm driving a garbage collector truck so I bsrely have even any privileges expect being harassed way less and not having to be afraid of getting raped. While I try to execute feministic thinking and dialogues, I must often time sound like a complete moran, I'm sorry.
GsTSaien t1_j1rbbvs wrote
Your english is fine, don't play dumb please. I do not fundamentally disagree with your point of view, I am only highlighting the nuance and why your first comment was not well received. And although a bit rude you did not say anything specifically sexist when you point out how masculinity feels and the pressure men feel to be good partners. You did, however, intentionally mischaracterize my talking points, and then attempt to invalidate my perspective.
reevelainen t1_j1rd6yy wrote
I get your points and not going to lie, I'm not a bot. My views are subjective as I'm already in the pit by trying to participate this after getting downvoted this much. I can't just exclude my annoyance causing some intentionally toxicity to appear in my speeches under this comment, same way there's annoyance in comments towards me.
I'm trying to find the dark spots in masculinity to develop it, not to defends it's last dark castles.
GsTSaien t1_j1reamf wrote
That is alright, I appreciate the honesty! If it helps in any way, the main issue people are taking with you is that you are implying that op's behavior is a result of the victimization of men from society. I know you aren't defending his actions, but you are eating up his excuse nonetheless.
Obviously there is pressure on men to be good lovers, everyone feels that, and feeling desirable is a huge part of sexuality, and it being expressed within part of masculinity is not a bad thing. Not feeling desired is a huge blow to confidence and self perception, that much is true. However, that is internal and related to insecurities, not pressure from society; thus, portraying op as a victim of society's expectations of men felt frustrating to others.
reevelainen t1_j1s9g75 wrote
I have no idea from where he'd get his ideas. Nothing to do with masculinity, healthy one atleast.
Umm... Correct me if I'm right but are you truly saying that men that would get bullied about their appearance, you're saying it's internal and because of their own insecurities? It's like it's justified to mock one if he's feeling insecure? Please, help me out here. I don't know what you mean. How are the ones coming from society different?
GsTSaien t1_j1s9nvd wrote
Who said anything about bullying? Or appearance?
reevelainen t1_j1sbrl1 wrote
They're all linked together, there literally isn't one without the other. But yeah, it literally is a long conversation.
GsTSaien t1_j1sd4x0 wrote
They are unrelated to this discussion.
reevelainen t1_j1sf7tx wrote
Then you must've experienced different masculinity than I had, because I'm having hard time understanding what you mean. How aren't self-confidence, appearance, they way men are expected to represent themselves, what to wear, how to adjust their appearance, basically two sides of the same coin?
GsTSaien t1_j1sggch wrote
We were discussing factors related to societal pressure not everything related to confidence
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