Submitted by themightyheptagon t3_yi8yyj in todayilearned
That joke is the würst
To be fair, it was knockwurst than the time my dad told me about Santa
The last time I sausage bad puns I was in the old dad's home.
I was casing the joint for new puns
He didn't resurrect them at all. They were already cured.
He cured them a second time
Do NOT make me cure you a third time!
Bologna
[removed]
Nothing like a little Necromancy to get you in the mood for the season.
whole or missing a few pounds?
It's a title gore, according to the article, he found them pickled, whole, before they had been sold.
The whole place is pickled
The people are pickles for sure
And no one knows if they've done more here
Than they ever would do in a jar
This could be Rotterdam - or anywhere
"W-what are you just staring at us for, bro? The butcher turned us into pickles, St. Nicholas!"
Funniest shit we've ever seen
If whole, did the meat just fly out of people storage/mouths and combine like a puzzle?
Magically resurrecting. As opposed to more mundane methods of resurrection
Successful CPR is mundane resurrection. Though I suppose it would still be magical if it worked on children hacked to pieces.
One time I was pressing beef jerky and it started mooing :(
Resurrection assumes the process of death has taken place, CPR cannot undo this process, it can only prevent the process from continuing past the point of no return.
Omg, it's too early for pepperoni kids and Santa Claus.
Time to visit the Hickory Farms store for a holiday gift pack?
Oh God I can't wait!!!
That's what's wrong with our society today: No more WHOLESOME family holiday entertainment.
We need a Muppet version of THIS story.
The saint Nicolas episode of “Puppet History” is probably as close as we will get.
I learned this from Puppet History.
St Nicholas saved the Pickles Boys!
Great. Now I want some jerky.
Basis for the dutch Sinterklaas also known as saint Nicholas as well.
Brings toys and candy for the young ones on the eve of the 6th of december.
Santa claus is the same but has more association with the birth of jesus.
Yeah, he's one of the historical/legendary personas that blended together into the modern, Western concept of Santa Claus.
Other contributions include the English Father Christmas (originally a separate folk personification of Christmas/midwinter festivities, now melded into a synonym of Santa Claus) and possibly even Odin, who appeared in many ancient midwinter tales, connected to Wild Hunt legends, in which he soared through the night sky pulled by his eight-legged horse Sleipnir, as well as packs or herds of flying animals, and spirits or fey creatures (think: elves), and was known as a gift-bringer.
I’m made to think of DEATH in The Hogfather, when he gives life back to the little girl, rather than allowing her to die alone on the stairs in the snow. Because that - giving hope for life - is the true meaning of [the holiday]
That show The Librarians mentioned this IIRC. I thought it was cool.
If the meat were not cured already, resurrection would have been much more difficult.
All Jesus did was make a bunch of fish and wine, yelled at a tree and brought 1dude back to life.
He also whipped the asses of a bunch of people who turned a church into a den of greed and vice.
Jesus with a Bo Staff would be pretty bad ass.
The Catholic church heavily downplays that incident.
But he was a teenage boy back then, so it was more an edgy socialist phase
"The Pickled Boys" is a piece in Benjamin Britten's oratorio "Saint Nicholas" The entire work is actually not that good.
Now he just hands out peppernuts
And if they were brought back to life after you unknowingly ate them.....
Brings to mind Pushing Daisies with a young Lee Pace:
Well that was nice of him
And then they met Oogie and became Lock, Shock & Barrel
All my puns were used! Drat!
Interesting side note, the butchers name was “Jeffrey Dahmer”….
The pickle boys!
(Also, Puppet History can't come back soon enough!)
Damn gonna yoink this for my dnd campaign, should be entertaining
The original basis for Santa is Odin and/or the Holly King, some random catholic with a penchant for little boys is hardly the basis for Santa.
No, you're thinking of Elon Musk, the pederast (at least that's what I've read).
Huh, I've heard Epstein personally named Musk to be his successor.
Many people are saying this is definitely true and Elon Musk is an unrepentant child rapist.
Not me of course, but it is concerning how often it comes up, like when I just wrote it up above.
Resurrected three children, in other words he released three from his own basement stash.
So the story goes that he can generate matter out of nothing?
Good thing religion solved all problems long ago.
Oh wait.
Something something religion bad.
davery67 t1_iui5iz8 wrote
Butcher, did you turn these kids into sausages?
No, they were already brats.