yeah, I didn’t get the impression that you were being malicious or like an incel. It seems like you needed a place to direct your feelings about having a few failed relationships, and nostalgia about taylor is where those feelings ended up (even if not on purpose). Something that will probably be helpful to you is to take the checklist mindset and apply it to yourself. I have always found that my relationships tend to start while I am focusing on my own growth and betterment. good luck dude

have you talked to your therapist about taylor? it sounds like you’re romanticizing the idea of her as a partner. especially when you say "I just missed it" about her being engaged. she's a whole person with her own relationships and her own life, not a prop that was available to you until the moment she got engaged.

it's unhealthy and unrealistic to make a checklist of ideal traits and expext to find someone who meets them all. and the fact that you think she meets every aspect of your list implies that you don’t see her as a real person with flaws. you are creating a "perfect girlfriend" in your head and using Taylor as evidence that this perfect girl can and does exist. please please talk about this in therapy.