Alone_Pancake t1_j1yxfh5 wrote
have you talked to your therapist about taylor? it sounds like you’re romanticizing the idea of her as a partner. especially when you say "I just missed it" about her being engaged. she's a whole person with her own relationships and her own life, not a prop that was available to you until the moment she got engaged.
it's unhealthy and unrealistic to make a checklist of ideal traits and expext to find someone who meets them all. and the fact that you think she meets every aspect of your list implies that you don’t see her as a real person with flaws. you are creating a "perfect girlfriend" in your head and using Taylor as evidence that this perfect girl can and does exist. please please talk about this in therapy.
kitfoxx OP t1_j2ahn2u wrote
I understand where you're coming from with this. You're right about the romanticizing. Like another comment said, I never actually had a relationship with her. It could easily not work like I imagine. I more just meant it in that I've known this girl for 8 years now. I took her for granted. I know our dynamic has always been amazing and I never really took notice of it.
And I guess I worded poorly about the checklist because I don't want it to sound like she's a thing for me to have. I don't view her that way at all. Or maybe my view is skewed to where I don't see it. But I more meant that through therapy, I felt like I had the realization of what I truly want in life. I was ready. And the epiphany hit that it was in front of me the whole time. At least that's how it felt.
Also, the "just missed it" was more in reference to that epiphany coming a month into her starting this relationship with her now fiance. More in me wishing I realized sooner. I am aware she is her own person and wasn't just there waiting for me. I thought I even mentioned that in my post but I don't think it came through clearly. I have no blame toward her in any of this. She's living her life and finding love as she should. She owes me nothing.
But I still see points in what you're saying and, trust me, Taylor will be the subject of many therapy sessions to come while I sort things out.
Alone_Pancake t1_j2bfkw5 wrote
yeah, I didn’t get the impression that you were being malicious or like an incel. It seems like you needed a place to direct your feelings about having a few failed relationships, and nostalgia about taylor is where those feelings ended up (even if not on purpose). Something that will probably be helpful to you is to take the checklist mindset and apply it to yourself. I have always found that my relationships tend to start while I am focusing on my own growth and betterment. good luck dude
kitfoxx OP t1_j2bh22u wrote
Thank you. I really appreciate your comments.
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