The Kremlin announced their condolences to the family of an important Russian diplomat, who told me this joke, as his plane has unfortunately crashed. They then withdrew the announcement because the plane has not taken off yet.

I was gonna suggest Hell instead of jail, but this guy deserves an upvote just before St Peter pulls the handle that opens the yawning pit.

We had a household once where we took turns doing the dishes. It was your turn until you did all of them. If you waited a coupla days it was still your turn, but the stack was higher. Kind of self limiting behavior for the slackers.

"Just because we have scrolls, doesn't mean we don't need to learn how to think, to discriminate among ideas, to analyze and to determine truth from lies."

--Some Egyptian Guy.

Coal miner.

It's a nasty fucking job, no matter what's in your sandwich.

No Sense Fuckin' Workin'

I have a job as an NSFW.

National Science Foundation Worker.

This is the best original joke since my mom got out of prison and my dog died.

I've had a pair of 3M Worktunes bluetooth headphones or years. They are made for construction jobs, keep out harmful noise, sound great. I was thinking about posting about them as BIFL. Not that any electronics is going to last that long but they have outlasted several phones.

Leaving this sub.

I'm leaving a hot ham and cheese with extra bacon and a pickle on the side.

There, I fixed it for ya.

There's a bunch of people lining up to punch OP.

When I was in court, the judge gave me a compliment!

I told him I had two wives, and he said that was big o' me!

Looks like you have a checkered past. Put out your chess, take a deep breath and move on.

OMG this was a great book, not just b/c I'm an engineer. It's like a sci fi novel but set in ancient Roman times

Chimpanzees are crazy strong and make terrible pets. You should never take one home. At least, that's what they said on my last day as zookeeper.

You and I are in the same boat, buddy. I was suffering from migraines and migraine associated vertigo, which can take a month to resolve. I did a sort of study on my self, keeping notes and alternating NSAIDS, and concluded that Naproxen at highest recommended dose helped my symptoms more than Ibuprofen (advil) at highest recommended dose.

Nothing in this thread is reassuring. Tylenol sounds like the least safe option.

Still got all your fingers?

Take one zillion pictures too

Women's high heel shoes cause bunions by design. They do not allow enough room for the toes. Look at them - nobody has toes that point that sharply toward the middle of the foot, unless their feet have been destroyed by these foot-stranglers. They cause shortening of the calf muscle, until you can't stand properly on bare feet.

I don't care how well made a high heel shoe is, it is not BIFL if it causes medical problems later in life. I wish women would revolt and simply refuse to wear them.

They would do it quickly, too, because Germans can Nazi in the dark.

The story I have heard, explorers asked a tribe what the name of that river was. The natives thought the were asking about the tribe that lived up that river. "We call them the mud people". The river and the region has been called Missouri ever since. Mud people.

Only a few veterinary dentists can work on elephants, and all of them live in Alabama, because in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.

JUNEAU, my sister married this random guy - did she GNOME before they eloped?

I dunno, ALASKA.

We're givin' it all she's got Cap'n! We canna break tha laws o' physics!