> on par with humouring a toddler helping to "wash the dishes" (you know you'll end up with more of a mess than what you began with and probably a broken dish, but its cute that they wanted to try).
This really hits home. My Mom was exactly that way - "you can help by getting out of the way", so it is triggering.
Funny how people can find relationships that recreate dynamics like that.
I appreciate you and your reply, plenty to think on.
I appreciate your directness.
I realize in reading it that I am hoping for someone to call me on my BS and tell me directly what I could do differently or what I am not seeing.
I realize also that's something I have internalized over the last 6 years - it's me, all I have control over is me, I can do better. I am grasping for what that is, though.
That's fair.I am holding out hope that there is something I am doing wrong or could do differently. Or that, if I am patient, the behavior will change. The lack of communication which causes the lack of boundaries doesn't cause issues only between us, but in her whole life. The 12 hour job and demanding family are only two examples.
Your question is a good one, and very difficult to sit with. I appreciate it though.
HiCommaJoel OP t1_jeav1gr wrote
Reply to comment by mercifulalien in My (34M) partner (33F) cannot identify feeling or communicate needs, but feels resentful that they aren't met by HiCommaJoel
> on par with humouring a toddler helping to "wash the dishes" (you know you'll end up with more of a mess than what you began with and probably a broken dish, but its cute that they wanted to try).
This really hits home. My Mom was exactly that way - "you can help by getting out of the way", so it is triggering.
Funny how people can find relationships that recreate dynamics like that.
I appreciate you and your reply, plenty to think on.