there are literal chemical imbalances in your brain. Correct medicine/dosage helps regulate that.
What you determine as feeling opposite or "bad" is probably what stable/normality feels like. But people generally dont get to this point since it takes taking the medicine for longer than a couple weeks along with lifestyle changes to start seeing any real progress.

hey just wanted to say im sorry that it all had to go down this way dude, and I hope that your new job works out better for you.