Man what is going on with your banks where interest rates are still this low with such high inflation?

Here in Australia 4.25% is about the average savings interest you can get on any standard bank account. Higher if using fixed term deposits or saver accounts.

I mean I’ve got my money parked in an offset account on my mortgage netting me a guaranteed 6.09% return (more if there are further rate rises) and far less volatile than anything I could buy on the ASX or NASDAQ.

“In today’s parliamentary vote, we will decide the fate of the mineral asteroid CXI-458.” Announced Krang, the chief councillor of the galactic council.

“As you may recall from the last sitting, it was announced that the uninhabited asteroid called CXI-458 contained vast deposits of qultanium. The unified mineral that is uniquely present in all of our planet structures.

Discovered by the humans on planet earth” Krang continued, “it holds the key to unlimited energy, life saving medicines, and the ability to power our rocket ships around the galaxy.”

The auditorium hummed with conversation as each of the senators discussed the many benefits the qultanium would bring their planets.

“Now before you vote, remember. The options you are voting for are to distribute the contents of this mineral asteroid amongst all parties, or to limit it to the realm that found it, which would be Earth.”

The displays in front of each of the representatives sparked to life. Two buttons glowed on the screen, beckoning each representative to cast their vote.

As the buttons were pressed, the numbers tallied upwards, 300 for the distribution to all, 200 for Earth. With 1,000 representatives elected to the council, it was expected to fall on the side of distributing the minerals to all. Those that had cast their vote that way were excited for what the future would bring.

The final numbers clicked in and it settled on 500 a piece!

“Its… its… its a tie” Krang stammered. Never in the history of the council had there been a draw.

Gasps rang out around the auditorium and bickering ensued. Representatives were accusing each other of changing their vote, of aligning with the other side.

“Order! Order!” Krang demanded as he smashed his gavel on the lectern.

The members fell silent as the head of the intergalactic council called the representatives to order.

“I will consult the constitution now as to how we proceed”.

A snigger emanated from the back.

“Order!” Krang shouted.

The snigger turned into a laugh.

“Identify yourself!” Krang continued.

The laughter continued, bellowing even, a southern drawl hidden amongst the deep breaths.

“State your business!” Krang said, the frustration building in his tone.

“Hahahahaha when will you ever learn. Never trust an earthling!

We have the win here. I’m invoking the Texan split!” Abbott, earth’s representative said with glee.”

“There’s no Texan split!” Krang retorted.

“Go on, consult your constitution! But make sure you take note of subsection twenty, paragraph five, section C”

Krang desperately scrolled his council documents. “Section 20, paragraph five, sec c” he mouthed as he reached the notes in the lengthy tome.

“The Texas split. As part of the admission of Earth into the galactic council, will be able to split their realm into 4 and elect additional repre…..” His voice trailed off, frustration turned to defeat as he finished the passage.

“That’s right councillor. We’re splitting. And with that we have the votes. The qultanium is ours!”

The auditorium filled with a cacophony of shouting and throwing of papers as representatives demanded a counter to this preposterous claim.

“Silence! We will have to reconvene” Krang shouted as he tried to calm the crowd.

“Hahahaha, the votes are immaterial Krang!” Abbott bellowed.

“You forgot the second rule. Nobody messes with Texas!” Abbott smashed his hand down on a button concealed in his pod.

Doors flung up around the auditorium as men stormed the aisles. Men with phasers and golden texan stars emblazoned on their fatigues.

“I’m seven generations of Abbott, Krang!

My forefathers have concurred states, countries, and even the planet!

And now we’re here to conquer you!”

“This, this, this is a coup?” Krang stammered…

“Hahahaha yes it is. This is no longer the galactic council! You are all now enslaved to the people of Earth!

The beings of Centro 14 will be mining the asteroid, Apex 9 will be processing the minerals” Abbott continued as he threw fingers at each of the representatives.

“Guards, take these leaders to my ship!” He said as he whipped his cape around his shoulders and left the auditorium, the rest of the councillors lay paralysed by the hostile take over. “Never trust an Earthling” he boomed, his laughter echoing down the hall.

I was kinda hoping for a throwaway jab at the New Zealanders there.

Something like “some of us tried mating with sheep, but luckily they’re all the way on an island down the bottom… real end of the world place you know”.

I thought you were describing western Sydney for a minute.

Sunday it’s expected to be 28°c and partially cloudy, Monday will be 34°, Tuesday will be 32° and thunderstorms.

Laughs in australia!

Countdown to the entire home and away back catalogue on Netflix.

But to be fair, a lot of Aussie dramas have had success overseas, especially the European markets.

Neighbours only continued on for so long because it was going gangbusters in the UK to the point the poms know the storylines better than us Aussies.

Plus Heartbreak High was translated into French, Spanish, and German as part of its export. It’s also streaming now on Netflix AU (and maybe other regions) and is still 100% on point for teen high school drama now as it was when I was a teen in the 90s watching it the first time around.

At least Stan will be covered here given they’ve produced a lot of local content originals already.

Fucking Utopia. That show is scarily accurate to the point that my ex girlfriend’s boss thought someone In Their office was feeding the production team inside stories.

She works in government town planning and you would swear that Natalie was a carbon copy of her right down to the clothing and hair style choices. Even the pointed attitude was 100% on point.

I worked in govt for a while and I couldn’t watch the show for the longest of whiles because it gave me panic attacks about working in that type of lunacy.

But yeah, it’s top notch and the writers did an amazing job selling the fucked up nature of our government’s actions on infrastructure and planning.