The humans stared in surprise. "I'm sorry, perhaps we misunderstood - I thought that each sentient species got a single senator?"

The gelatinous alien wobbled. "Yesyes, quite right quite right. One senator one senator. Everyone gets one, everyone gets one."

The feathered, multi-eyed creature standing next to it nodded slowly. "As my colleague explained, you are correct. One senator per sentient/sapient species, regardless of planets settled or ruled over."

One of the humans - the one named George - whispered, "Do... do they mean whales and dolphins? Chimpanzees? Did we miss something?"

The leathery humanoid, Lange - incidentally the only creature with a human-pronounceable name - chuckled. "No, no. While you have an impressive number of creatures on your planet, none but the Humans are worthy of a seat on the council."

Ambassador Humphries cleared his throat. "May I ask... why are we being given this singular honor? Humanity is only a single species, and yet we get four senators?"

Lange burbled another chuckle, joined by the other two aliens. "You humans are so inclusive! It really warms my hearts. No, as I'm sure you understand, even though you see yourselves as a single species, you are of course four. Unless... well, there was some debate about Hot/Dry Humans and Hot/Wet Humans?"

Humphries blinked in surprise. "I'm... sorry? Are you calling humans different species based on... climate?"

Lange seemed confused by the question. "Well... yes? I suppose we should have clarified, but - here, look."

She pulled out a holographic projector, and pulled up an image of a young woman in a thick winter coat. "This is one species, the Cold Human. This one is from 'Michigan'. Er, we use the term Cold Human, your inclusivity must have eradicated the different terms generations ago. And this one" - the image changed to that of a middle-aged man in shorts and a t-shirt - "is a Hot/Dry human, from 'Marbella, Spain'. And this one... and this one. Cold, Hot/Dry, Hot/Wet, and Temperate. Ah! Maybe you call them Arctic, Desert, Tropical, and Plains? Though some of the plains undergo rapid temperature shifts..."

Lange trailed off. Humphries cleared his throat, twice, then eventually found his words. "That's... those are all just humans, though. We wear thick clothing in cold temperatures, thin clothing in hot weather, and while, yes, most of us prefer one climate or another, we do move around a bit. I was born in England, but moved to Florida, in the United States - temperate to hot, er, wet. We adapt to almost any temperature, but we're still all the same species - surely the blood tests and DNA matching would have shown that?"

The aliens gathered into a huddle, squawking and gesturing wildly. The blobby alien turned a sickly-looking shade of yellow-green, while the feathered one shed more than a few feathers. Lange, clearly the most level-headed of the group, still looked quite shaken. Finally, they turned back to the humans.

Lange cleared her throat with a delicate squeak. "We... you are correct, of course, about the blood tests and so forth. But there is quite a bit of... shall we say, climate hard-liners? Our planets, much like your own television shows, largely a single climate, or only populated in a single climate band. My planet is temperate." She made a short engine sound, followed by a loud cowbell noise, gesturing to the goo-creature - " comes from a planet that is mostly water, dotted with tropical islands. And" - a horrible static noise, this time gesturing at the bird-person - "is from a dry, dusty planet of intense heat. He wears a thermal regulator to visit your temperate facilities, here. But... you live all across this wild planet, with its intense heat and cold?"

Humphries nodded. "We do, yes; as I said, we humans are adaptable. While we thrive in temperatures from -40 degrees Celsius to over +40 degrees Celsius, we can survive much more extreme - I'm sorry, is your friend all right?"

The blobby creature had gone fully green, and was shaking so hard its rolls of goo were making tiny clapping sounds. Lange glanced in its direction, then shook her head. "No, it will be fine. We are just... shaken. Are you telling us that you refuse four senators, and choose only one? And that your choice of senator will come from... any climate?"

Humphries nodded, somewhat mystified at the odd reaction. "Of course. We may have our differences, but outside of preference, we don't argue over climate. Much, anyway. As far as I know, we've never gone to war over climate! Ha ha!"

His joke fell flat. Lange, her face unreadable, replied only, "We have."

The coming months were eye-opening, to both the varied aliens and to the humans that visited them. Icy worlds were met with, "Gee, it's a bit chilly! Almost as bad as winters in Alaska, but you've got a lot more daylight," and desert planets were greeted with, "Oh, no worries, it's a dry heat, just stay hydrated. And you don't have any scorpions!" The alien worlds were unprepared for the constant downplaying of the climate - no world humans visited was as hot, as cold, or as inhospitable as the climates of Earth. The hardliners scoffed that their world was much more extreme, but soon found that the more harsh they claimed their world was, the more humans flocked to it. "You call this cold? At least the atmosphere is breathable, at the top of Mount Everest you have to were oxygen tanks!" or "This is hot, yes, but one summer my family visited Death Valley and cooked hamburgers without lighting a fire, this is nothing!"

Lange smiled to herself as she read through the morning's reports. The climate extremists - hot and cold, for the first time in history on the same side - were calling for a ban on human travelers, though their reason why was mostly angry grumbling about "showoffs." The vote to remove a number of extreme temperature planets from Parliament was called off, because humans had somehow managed to take up permanent residence on almost all of them, calling them "not that hot" or "only kinda cold." There was even the beginnings of a tourist trade among the somewhat less extreme planets; a Khorthian, known galaxy-wide as a hater of "warms", became the first of his kind to visit Noomoobooloo, one of the colder planets, albeit on the middle of a heatwave. And the human clothing! It had taken the galaxy by storm; parkas and Hawaiian shirts sold like coldcakes. Even their food was extreme! Ice cream and hot coffee! Eaten together, at times! They even had "frozen hot chocolate", an oxymoron that nonetheless was becoming popular with many cultures.

Lange unlocked the bottom drawer of her desk, and pulled out a report: "Earth: X7 rating. Death planet. Extreme climates, dangerous lifeforms, long-term toxic to most life forms. Natives invented atomic energy and immediately used it as a weapon on themselves. Avoid at all costs."

She flipped the page to the other report, the one she had submitted to Parliament. "Earth: M5 rating. Four distinct climates, each with its own lifeforms. No sign of inter-species war. Some extremist views."

A scrap fell out from between the pages; written on it was a quote from a famous Earth author, Mark Twain: "Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime."

Lange carefully tucked the scrap back into the folder, and locked it away again. Travel, indeed.

"Four? But why?" Slyggzen asked, waving his upper tentacles in agitation. "Everyone else has one. ONE. Even that planet with two sentient species has one senator, and they start a war every-time they need to send a new one."

I ruffled my feathers, hoping the octopod could understand my body language as easily as I could his. "I have no good answers, my friend. I only bring word from the high council."

Slyggzen waddled to the viewing port, gazing into the void from our vantage point in the Human's star system. "Everyone gets one. Thats how it has always been, for... well, since the GP was founded. Why change now?"

I clicked my beak in irritation. "I have no definitive answer, Slyggzen. I was told a rumor, but... I cannot confirm its authenticity."

Slyggzen swiveled in place, rotating on his lower tentacles. "Well? A rumor is better than nothing."

I disagreed with my coworker's opinion, but I responded for conversation's sake. "Apparently, Humans cannot agree with themselves. The four Senators are from the four most prominent mindsets of the species."

Slyggzen's mouth fell open, forming a gaping maw of teeth and tongues that made a grotesque belt along his midsection. I knew it was rude to react negatively to any other civilized species' physical differences, but I couldn't repress the shudder that ran through my very core. Sliggzen seemed not to notice, or at least was cordial enough to ignore the slight.

"Four MOST prominent?" He asked, once he had regained his composure. "They have even more than that? Do we even want a species this internally divided in the..."

I squawked in shock. "Slyggzen, we have NEVER excluded a sentient species from the Galactic Union! Even the Arachnopodes have a seat, and their ambassador keeps trying to eat me!"

"We've never had FOUR senators for ONE species, either" Slyggzen pointed out. "The precedent has been set. This species is different, and needs a different solution."

I sighed, whistling softly through my beak as I did. "Its not so simple, Slyggzen. These people are not restricted to one biome, they live on 5 of the 6 large landforms on the planet. They evolved differences, almost enough to classify sections as different sub-species according to the xenobiologists. Did you know they have different colors? Not to distinguish males and females, but evolutionary adaptations to the environments they live within."

Slyggzen shook his tentacles in... something. I would need to consult my xenosocial manual later to interpret this gesture. "Nonsense. Why would they have migrated to climates that they would need to evolve to adapt to? That doesn't make sense."

"It appears to be true" I said, shifting my grip on my perch. "Did you know they have multiple languages?"

"That's not so special" Slyggzen said as he slithered back to the desk on his half of our shared office. "We have three ourselves; one for business, one for family and close friends, and one for hunting. The last is only spoken in historical preservation societies, but I think it's a waste of resources personally."

"You don't understand" I replied. "They have languages based on the regions they evolved in. By our estimates, Humans have over 7,000 languages, not counting the abandoned ones."

Slyggzen was silent for a few moments as he contemplated this latest bombshell. "Seven thousand... that's more than the entire Galactic Parliament has across all species..."

"Precisely. These people are more like their own Galactic Union, all on one planet."

Slyggzen was silent for a lot longer this time. His tentacles began typing something that I couldn't see, perhaps the start of a formal protest to the unorthodox arrangement. When he finally spoke, his voice was cold. Calculated. Constrained. "Should we take matters into our own tentacles?"

I blinked both sets of eyelids. "What?" I squawked.

"We cannot let such a divisive species infect our Union." Slyggzen said softly. "We would fracture the alliances that have stood for a millennia."

"And what peaceful alternative do you propose?" I asked. I slid one wing under my desk and activated the hidden audio recorder. Slyggzen was beginning to worry me, and it was best if I had evidence in case something went wrong. "We already admitted them, and granted four seats for their chosen senators."

"We need to destroy their planet."

I froze in fear, unable to even twitch a feather. "W....what?"

"This species is too dangerous to let live" Slyggzen said, rotating to face me once more. "I can arrange it so it looks like an accident, maybe a cold fusion reactor disaster or a meteor strike. But this species must not be allowed to fracture the universe."

"Slyggzen! How could you even say such a thing?" I asked as I hopped up and down on my perch in agitation. "We are a civilized Union! We try to improve the lives of every species, not-"

A small polite chime sounded, indicating that a political representative was requesting entrance to our office. I was not expecting a visitor, so I relinquished the door controls to Slyggzen's console without a second's thought. Slyggzen immediately opened the door, revealing...

The Arachnopodes representative clicked its fangs in excitement as it scuttled into the room. I flapped my wings, launching myself off of my perch as the massive spider delegate lunged.

"I'm sorry, Cheerep. I really am." Slyggzen said, with what sounded like genuine regret. "I must stop this, for the good of the universe. And that requires your silence."

I was too preoccupied with trying to remain un-eaten to respond. The Arachnopode lunged again, striking my left most claw with its massive limbs. I squawked in pain as its fangs sunk in, striking bone and nerves alike as it injected its venom.

"Goodby, my feathered friend" Slyggzen said, as he slithered out of the office. I tried to watch him leave, but my vision was quickly obscured by the spiderwebs that were woven around my frozen body. The darkness enveloped me, both from my organic blindfold and from the fast acting venom that surged through me.

/r/SlightlyColdStories for more stories, with surprisingly more stories involving spiders. I should probably ask my therapist about that.

"Four?" Garrett's voice carried his consternation. "I- apologize, but I was told we had but a single representative for the planet."

"No," said the machine, primly. "You were not. One senator from each sentient species, you were told. Our last survey from your region, approximately 11,000 years ago, indicated at least 6 such species on your world. At least 4 are extant. Before you are admitted entry, you must return with your counterparts."

"Then there's been a mistake," Garrett insisted. The machine said nothing, so he continued. "Humanity is the sole sentient species on Earth. We've never found evidence for any -"

"AH, there you are!" cried a booming voice. A long, low crate behind him that he'd thought was a piece of equipment suddenly faded to transparency, revealing...

"A whale?!" He couldn't hide his astonishment.

An eyeball the size of his fist rolled to stare him, distorted behind the pressure vessel but somehow managing to convey both apology and amusement. "A human?" the whale echoed, in gentle mockery. "Yes, a whale. They made contact with us first, you know. They only know about you because we told them."

Garrett couldn't seem to make his mouth work, so the whale returned his attention to the gatekeeper. "Now that we're both here..."

"I have received word," interrupted the machine in the wall, "that the third of your senators has arrived at a different entrance. Once the fourth has arrived, all will be admitted."

"The third?!" exclaimed the human, while the whale seemed to writhe in his tank. Seconds later, the massive creature's translator boomed, "fourth? What fourth? We invited the dolphins but you stated they were genetically similar enough to be fairly represented by me. What other third can there be? Fourth?"

Suddenly, the wall next to the machine became a window, and from within it, a single, black eye peered out, surrounded by tiny, jet-black feathers. "Haha, my fellow earthlings!" croaked the eye, and Garrett suddenly realized he was seeing the feed from a suit camera. He stared. The whale stared. The crow stared back at them, in apparent good humor. "What?" she drawled. "Don't tell me you're just now figuring this out?"

"You have arrived at the wrong entrance." the machine informed him. "But conditions at that gate are biocompatible, so you may proceed to entry as soon as the fourth member of your party arrives.

"Fourth?!" cawed the crow. There was a jitter in the feed as she flapped her wings in alarm. "There are but three of us! AWK!"

An hour later, they were still arguing with the machine. Garrett, and the whale, whose name, it turned out, was Thumps-the-Squid, had spent some of that time clearing up historical misunderstandings. The crow, who had a name but refused to share it, seemed personally offended at the idea that there was a fourth senator. Thumps suggested that perhaps she'd been looking forward to upstaging the two of us, and wasn't thrilled to be upstaged herself. The wall, however, steadfastly refused all requests for information and insisted that the fourth senator must be present and that it was not authorized to provide additional information,

Garrett, despite the circumstances, couldn't help feeling just a little smug. Okay, so there had been some shocks. Humanity wasn't alone on earth, and that was going to rock the planet more than the news of alien contact had, but at least the aliens made mistakes, too. An hour had passed with no sign from the mystery senator, and all three earthlings agreed that, while each was certainly a shock to the others, all had a right to be present and none could come up with a plausible fourth. "Too long!" shouted the crow stridently, "you take too long between surveys! Species die! Perhaps smart then, but stupid now!"

"Yes!" exclaimed Garrett. "Whatever other intelligence you found 11,000 years ago, clearly they're no longer with us!"

The machine answered instantly, "the remaining sentience was not found at our prior visit but revealed itself to us only recently. It was their contact that led us to initiate your admittance to the Parliament. All four senators must be present for admittance."

Crow, whale, and man all stared at each other. After a moment, Garrett tried again to explain. "We think there has been a mistake. There is no as species on earth capable of establishing interstellar contact, not on their own, and certainly not without at least us noticing. Okay, we didn't see the whale colonies, but they were hiding in purpose! The crows don't want what we want, so we were unaware of the level of..."

He trailed off. He couldn't explain the crows, either. "Nevertheless!" he rallied, "The energy requirements alone would have been a dead giveaway! You established contact with US!" Garrett pulled out his phone, unsure of whether he planned to call for backup or just look up the history of First Contact, when the machine smoothly cut in.

"The fourth member of your party has arrived. You may enter."

Three pairs of eyes, one green, one brown and cow-like, and one black and beady, watched the tiny white mice stroll through the door, looking for all the galaxy as though they owned the place.

Azure Rain adjusts her suit, and then presses the button to accept the holocall, a wild assortment of holographic races appearing in front of her. She’s not surprised by them as she used to be. She’s what is called the ‘Administrator’ (well it’s called the Skelletofaxis but it roughly means administrator) she manages the planet’s senator, so she had seen this a lot, And now it’s time to ser if Earth’s current chosen Senator, Emily Parsons is up to snuff. The current head of the Parliament, a large porcine figure named, Hotuck, speaks. “We have looked over your application, and are very pleased with Emily Parsons.”

Azure smiled. “Perfect. It took us some time but we thought she would-“

“There is an issue however.”

The blue haired woman tilts her head. “Problem?” She had read over the application nearly a thousand times.

“Yes. Where are the other three applications.”

“….Three?”

“Yes. Three.”

Azure blinks rapidly. “I don’t understand.”

“The Galactic Parliament chooses one senator of each sapient species from each member planet.” Azure continues to stare in noncomprehension. “For instance, Emily is a woman, where is the species that breeds with them? The man?” Azure’s face continues to show confusion until it breaks and she falls into peals of laughter which is echoed by the holograms around her.

“Ok. I see the confusion. Men and Women aren’t other species! They are just our names for males and females.” It is now time for the aliens to look confused, Hotuck’s face looks particularly befuddled around his tusks.

“Male, and Female?”

Azure assumes there must be a bug in the translator. That has happened. “Our Sexes.”

“Is not sex how you reproduce?” Asks, Genegen the many eyed, Tellen senator.

“Yes. But it also the name for how we divide the beings who can breed with each other.” The parliament looks confused until someone speaks up.

“Similar to how Resdens breed with the Desrens on our planet?” Speaks a red hulking individual, Azure had previously identified as male, who is sitting next to the blue individual she had identified as female who was the other species on their planet. Thinking she had found sense, Azure says

“Yes. Just like that.” That’s when the yelling starts. Azure can’t quite pick out a single word among it all, eventually Hotuck, presses a button and all the holograms are muted, no sound coming from them until they notice, and their mouths..and other verbal appendages stop moving.

“One at a time.” He pulls his finger off the button, and a jellyfish looking creature says “The Azure-form claimed Man and Women are not other species, yet they are like the Resdens, and the Desrens who are alternate species.”

“I see, what Jeej-form is saying.” Hotuck starts, “You claims that the species yours breeds with, the man is not another species, yet you breed with them, as the rest of the parliament does with their paired species.

“Wait. You all breed with different species?” Every single being in speaks up with their version of yes. Azure is stumped until she finally offers a weak, “We don’t. Uh. We’ve tested Men and Women separately and while there are many differences, we are the same species. Tests have shown, from the dawn of time. All our animals except a few have that division, sexes we call it.” The alien species slowly nod, seeming to get it.

“So the divisions we have seen among similar species on your planet is just the…breeding pairs of one species?” Hotuck asks.

“Yes! There you are!”

“So we are not missing three applications.”

“You are not.” Azure says, calming down.

“We are missing just one. From …our scans show they are called the Dragons.” Azure nods.

“As the liaison between the species on your planet, it is up to you to secure an application from them, but we will give you time, as if this senator is as good as Emily Parsons it will be worth it. Keep up the good work Administrator.” The other species slowly blink out, and Azure brushes her hair back, and then the end of the call sinks in and her eyes widen and face goes slack.

“Did Hotuck say DRAGONS?!”

I sat in the small antichamber, universal translator whining at high pitch like an old PC. On the table were a naumber of datashards containing resource allotments and trade tariffs. Pretty normal stuff. What was less normal was those around me. "I am so sorry" I said for the fiftieth time.

The Ceramony had been the same. A golden parade for earth for becoming part of something. The newest members of an organization made to better the universe and spread peace. I had the honour, just me in fron of the universe. Me and the contents of a club sandwhich.

Chairwoman B'Kaw Pecked her shard, absorbing the knoledge into her mind instantly. "Let's just do the job" she said, transferring me the infopak with her amendments. I read them over, aided by the datashard it was instant. "This all seems in order. Good work on the solarmining regulations. Those were tricky" I said, trying to be diplomatic, it's what I do. "I'm shocked you could read it, I hope it wasn't too chicken scratch for you". I groaned.

"Wow she's really MILKING that one" Laughed Hefner, Hefner was a Bull. I don't think he liked me or the millenia old subjegation of his race either, but them man was a professional. He was focued on group cohesion. I wish I could drop personal stuff like that.

"Maybe Scarret could Ketchup with us?" Hef asked. Fucking hell that was in bad taste. The Vegtable-American (as he liked to be called) was busy with the Datashard for another meeting. He was in with the Pluma League, which were plants for the advancement for Sentiant flora and amnesty for herbivores. He was a nice guy if you didn't talk about italy.

"I have concluded. These trade agreements will need to amend that the culturel exchange will focus on primate culture. As almost all artefatcs of Floral Culture were damaged beyond repair" Plants think they built the environment, that they made the sky blue. Which they did, technically. But they say it was on purpose. Apparently we fucked that up for them with all our ravaging the earth business.

"Let's stop here" I said. "Look out. he looks hungry" Joked Hefner. "Dude come on. We didn't know. I mean I thought when they said we had multiple qualifying sophonts it would be like dolphins and chimps" I said. "Dude dolphins are dumb as hell" B'kaw said "Have you seen those guys? The're basically the dogs of the sea" she said, which was rich but I had eaten too many of her unborn children to give her shit on anything, ever.

We did break for lunch. I ate carrot sticks. Which I'm not even sure is okay. Scarat says it's fine, a man must eat. I think he's just being nice, he eats sunlight and soil. Hard not to sound superior when all you need is earth and the sky.

-

For those of future generations. Who with hindsight will call us monsters and fools. I urge you to remember we didn't know. We had no way to know. We never even imagined. And man, they tasted good dude. Like really good. Thank fuck pigs are animals still and we killed everything in the ocean before we had to find out tuna was building cities.

Those ruins are really something.

It all started when we saw them coming, galactic visitors unknown to mankind. The world froze. Many called for an attempt at destruction, while others took their own lives in a way to escape the potential coming torment. It was too late for many when the message “we come in peace” came. The population had already dropped by over 1.5 billion. Humanity was shocked when they invited them to join, but we weren’t alone for the invite. They said they had never seen anything like our planet, Earth, where every species was conscious and aware of their actions. They had said that it was thought impossible, until they had seen traces of our society through the loud radio waves we emitted that echoed through space. People were taken aback by this news, and even more taken aback when the translators came. Suddenly, there were entire cultures that surrounded us, completely unknown and unconsidered, and both from space and from home.

Eventually, a conclusion was made based on our laws and the laws the, newly known, Galactic Federation held: the dominant species would have a seat to represent the ruling power, land faring creatures would have a seat to represent the lands, sea faring creatures would have a seat to represent the oceans, and sky faring creatures would have a seat to represent the sky. After long and difficult discussions, the four representatives were a democratically voted for human, the wisest elephant, the fiercest dolphin, and the cleverest magpie.

Borders evaporated once decisions were finally made, everyone had food, water, the chance at an education, and a use. While this system worked well for many creatures, some struggled to adapt.

It took years for a system to develop that perfected the needs of all creatures, but it was eventually found. The planet itself was secure and happy. This Galactic Federation perfected life, and all we had to do was assist. The galactic culture had another cog in the complex machine that was our galaxy; we would assist in bringing even more cultures in.

“What do you mean earth will have 4 senators?” Asked my friend, Ooclis

”Exactly what I said.” I told him

”But why?“ Ooclis asked “It’s always been that each planet only has 1 senator.”

”No, it’s each sentient-intelligent species. The misconception comes from the fact that no planter has ever had more than 1.” I said

”You mean earth does!” He asked in astonishment

“well, up to 30 earth cycles ago, no”

“But you just said-“

“Let me finish. 30 earth cycles ago, the humans, the only sentient-intelligent creature on earth at the time, were doing experiments on a dog, and accidentally made it as intelligent as humans.”

”fascinating” Ooclis said

”After the discovery, they attempted to make another animal intelligent, this time a bird. They chose to attempt the parrot, because it was already a more intelligent creature. It was another success, and only 3 earth cycles after the dog. The parrot can even replicate other voices and languages, meaning if it hears enough words in our languages, it may be able to produce entire conversations in them.”

Ooclis just gaped, clearly astonished. I had a similar reaction to hearing. If I had not heard it first hand from our senator himself, I most likely would not have believed it.

”The most recent creature was the sea turtle. This time, they were trying their luck with a less intelligent species. It took them only up until a season before we arrived at their planet to welcome them to the galactic order.“

“so they will have all 4 species on the galactic parliament?” Asked Ooclis

“yes” I say

” what happens if they make more intelligent creature. Do they also get a spot?” He asked.

“ the parliment decided if they make more, it will fall under either terrestrial, aquatic, or flying. These, along with humans, will hold the senate spots for planet earth“

Suddenly, I hear a ping from his watch.

“The earthians have arrived. Let us go welcome them D’lars”

”indeed Ooclis”

"This is an outrage!" shouted the Belgalack senator through hefty shaking jowls. "This goes against all precedent!"

The four humans sat awkwardly in their seats, all in a row, in full view of the entire Galactic Parliament. Their admittance as a group hadn't been received well, as it flew in the face of the oldest council's most stringent tradition. Each species was allotted one senator to represent them whereas the humans had been allowed four. It was headline news across the galaxy and was the hottest story being followed. Cameras rolled and snapped as the humans exchanged glances.

Their names were Sanjay Singh, Li Chen, Klaus Jäger, and Charles Turner. All four of them had been collectively chosen by the human race in what had amounted to the first thing the entire world could come together on in all of human recorded history. For reasons the intergalactic community was about to understand, each one had been specifically chosen for the task.

"Why, I ask you," the senator asked, his eyestalks at full length and trembling with rage. "Are my people not allowed four senators? Do you think that's fair?"

The speaker moved to the mic, but one of the humans was quick to intercept the question. "Mr. Draupnaughtl," spoke Senator Chen. "Did I pronounce that correctly?"

"... You did," the senator grumbled.

"First of all, I'd just like to say that I find your people to be beautiful, kind, warm, and welcoming, and I'd be happy to address any concerns you may have about our admittedly puzzling appointment."

The senate hummed. The Belgalack senator's eyestalks noticeably receded– a sign that he felt at least a smidge of humility and shame.

"My name is Li Chen, and I am one of planet Earth's senators. I believe you'll find that among all of the many species present, our human intellect is far inferior in terms of problem-solving, communication, arithmetic, and policy understanding. We humans would not want to slow down your senate proceedings. We respect your time, and your status as the most important people in the known galaxy."

The Belgalack senator's eyes were hugging his face at this point. The many gathered species murmured and looked around at one another. Finally, the speaker leaned into her mic, "Thank you very much, Senator Chen. Senator Draupnaughtl, did he answer your question sufficiently?"

The slug-like creature leaned into his mic and answered softly. "... He did."

Senator Chen leaned back in his seat and smiled at his partners. "Appear weak when you are strong," he whispered.

"Sun Zu," Klaus responded with a smile.

"Well read, as expected, Senator Klaus," Chen bowed slightly in his chair.

"That was a non-answer!" came a voice from across the room. Everyone turned to find the Klkikuc senator standing in her seat. She looked like a blue lobster with larger eyes and her claws were in the air as she commanded attention to herself. "The senator from Glek-9 wasn't asking about timely proceedings. He was referring to your ability to tip the scales in your favor with four votes. You have quadruple the voting power than the rest of us have. Explain why that's fair."

The crowed yet again murmured. She had a point. Senator Chen had successfully answered the first question, but this one was more pointed. The speaker was quick to attempt to restore order, but Senator Singh was quicker.

"If I may," he glanced at the speaker, who gratefully nodded back. "Friends and family, my name is Sanjay Singh, and I am a senator representing my planet's best interests the same as all of you. So why should our planet be allowed four votes? That doesn't seem very fair, does it?" he asked, his eyes passing over the crowd. "But I think you'll find that four votes, when weighed against the collective weight of seven hundred votes is... Hmm, would somebody help me with that percentage?"

Singh smiled and Chen. The senator stifled a laugh.

"A little over half a percent," answered the speaker.

"Wow, they are terrible at arithmetic," said the Klikikuc senator, laughing and snapping his claws as everyone joined in to ridicule the humans. Singh bowed gratefully and took his seat next to Senator Turner.

"You dog," Turner smiled.

"Only following Chen's lead," he replied humbly.

The speaker pounded the gavel to restore order. The laughter died down and the humans had successfully made themselves a laughingstock. All four of them figured they'd persuaded the chamber when another rose to their mic. A mess of eyes and tentacles with no mouth of note took half the mic stand into its body before it spoke.

"I am Blbltipth, and I am the senator from Slthlthp. You are a meager people. But we Thplpips are cautious by nature. I think I speak for everyone when I say that the real fear, is that this will set a precedent. That any smaller or inferior nation may be allowed four representatives should instill fear into all of us, for what if they, the small, become the majority? What then of us? Would we bow to them should their interests align?"

Sensing a pattern, the speaker simply looked to the humans to find Senator Jäger standing in his seat. He leaned forward and tapped his mic twice before introducing himself. "You may all call me Senator Klaus," he smiled and waved. "I believe I may answer this question easily. Make for no other exceptions."

The room rumbled as everyone spoke among themselves. "Why make it difficult? Everything has an end. And a sausage has two! I have brought for you all something from my homeland."

At his cue, several silver platters began to be passed from one end of the chamber to the other, each with large bratwursts cut into segments, a toothpick in each one for easy consumption. "Please, my friends. Accept this gift from us on earth."

He took his seat as sounds of surprise and delight lifted from those who had tasted the kindness of the earthlings. It had become apparent in the chamber to everyone that the earthlings were little more than kind, humble, monkeys whom the galactic senate had little to fear from.

All but one.

"Hold on, hold on," spoke a more human-esque alien from the far end of the chamber. "There's no way you're this nice. No way you're this dim. You're playing us."

The three human senators looked to Charles Turner, who stood up and fielded the final question. "Excuse me, Senator?"

"You're lying!" he accused. "All four of you! You're not fooling me. I've seen footage of your world wars. You're all a bunch of savages."

The crowd murmured in disapproval. They'd come to rather like the humans, and the accusation felt too pointed.

"Mr. Eulyd," the speaker spoke sternly.

"Now, now," Turner interrupted. "I hear your worries. I honestly do. I have only one question to ask you... what world wars do you speak of?"

The alien's jaw fell open. "What world wa- the three of them!" he shouted incredulously.

"Hmm, nope, don't recall," Turner answered flatly.

"Yes you do," the alien looked around as though hoping for confirmation that he wasn't crazy. "There was genocide, a-and–"

"Nope, I have the documents. Fake news, you lose," Turner said before sitting down.

The alien simmered with rage. "Now, see here!" He continued speaking, but his mic had been cut. The speaker slammed her gavel and announced that the day would be moving forward without further comment as the enraged alien threw his hands around in the distance.

"Incredible," Singh whispered. "I can't believe how well that works."

Klaus grinned, "Only children and fools tell the truth, my freund."

"And that, dear Klaus," Turner said as he adjusted his suit by his lapels. "Is the only truth I need."

r/A15MinuteMythos

"You know," Gregory said, as he regarded the basketball-sized blob of luminous plasma floating beside him. "This isn't how it's supposed to go. It's backwards."

"In what way, Representative?" the blob inquired -- somehow. It had no mouth, despite somehow giving the impression of an obsequious smile.

"Well," Gregory said, as he followed the blob down the corridor, watching colorful translucent wisps swim through the air around him. "I've heard people say that drugs made them see aliens. But I've never heard of anyone getting abducted by aliens, and only then do they start hallucinating."

"You are not hallucinating, Representative." the blob said, cheerfully. "You are merely recovering."

"Yeah, you keep saying that." Gregory mumbled, irritably. "Recovering from what?"

"Chronic malnutrition, mostly. Though your species, as well as the other three sentient species native to your world, seem to have adapted remarkably well, all things considered." the blob replied.

"That's another thing! We tried to tell you when you brought us on board, before you separated us: Dwayne, Ben, Penny and I are all the same species," Gregory said.

"So you have said, Representative. While we recognize that taxonomy may be reckoned differently on your world, for the purposes of membership in the Confederation each of you represents a different sentient species, albeit ones that doubtless share a common evolutionary ancestor," said the blob.

Gregory sighed. "I see how you got there, I guess. I'm about average height, Ben's a little person, Dwayne must be almost seven feet tall...Penny's actually pretty average too, though I think she might be autistic or something, so maybe that's what you're picking up on? Either way, we're all human."

"And we think it is good that you feel a sense of kinship with the other species from your homeworld," the blob said, encouragingly. "The ability to see past species differences will be beneficial, as you join the broader galactic community."

"Except there are no differences, we're the same!" Gregory protested.

"Yes, yes. No need to virtue-signal, Representative. Your strong attachment to your fellow homeworlders has been noted." the blob said, somewhat testily.

Gregory let out another long sigh.

"Now then, since you've completed quarantine and had time to recover while receiving nutritional supplements, we'd like you to join the other representatives for a meeting, so we can discuss how best to conduct a formal First Contact with your species."

Gregory perked up. He hadn't known Ben, Penny, and Dwayne before they were all abducted, and he hadn't spent much time with them before the aliens had separated them, but he found that he was eager to see them. It had been almost a week since he'd seen anyone who wasn't a flying orb of goo.

"Are they hallucinating, too?" Gregory wondered aloud.

"No, and neither are you," the blob reminded him. "We have not given you any psychoactive substances."

"There's something in that food." Gregory grumbled, watching a ghostly six-winged eel swim by through the air, and briefly swivel its eyestalks around to look at him.

"That is true. Specifically, the food we've provided has been fortified with Element 104, a rare mineral formerly present in your planet's food chain, and vital to the life cycle of many species around the galaxy. It appears to have been depleted on your world sometime between now and our last survey of your world some 15,000 years ago," the blob explained. "It's actually quite remarkable that so many of your world's species were able to adapt to living in an ecosystem without it."

"How does a mineral make me see things?" Gregory asked.

"In much the same way that many trace minerals are vital for your biological function, Representative, including that of your sensory organs," the blob said. "Though in point of fact, your species is actually the least sensitive to Element 104 -- only a small gland at the base of your brain is directly impacted by its presence or absence."

"The...pineal gland?" Gregory asked, frowning.

"Yes, I believe that it is your term for it. It was severely atrophied when you were brought aboard, but bioscans indicate it is now recovering nicely," the blob said. "The other species' recovery has been more...pronounced, however."

"I told you, we're all--" Gregory began, and then trailed off, as a door slid open before them, and they entered a large chamber. Inside, were two people he barely recognized.

Ben had grown -- not taller, but broader, and his limbs and facial features had become thicker and more robust. What's more, while he'd been clean shaven when they'd been abducted a few days earlier, he now sported a long, bushy beard.

"''Sup, Greg!" he called cheerfully.

"Ben?"

Ben grinned broadly. "Yep! I'm as surprised as you are, but I had a half-dozen different back and joint conditions that were giving me hell, and now they're all gone, so I ain't complaining."

"In the absence of Element 104, many of your species' connective tissues fail to develop optimally," the blob chimed in to Ben. "We are pleased that its reintroduction into your system has caused such rapid reversal of atrophy."

Before Gregory could even begin to process this, Penny appeared beside him, scaring him half to death. How had she snuck up on him like that? When he'd last seen her, she'd been curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth and trying to process the sensory overload and understandable anxiety created by her abduction.

Now she was different, only slightly taller, yet almost as transformed as Ben, in her own way. Her eyes were large and almost uncannily blue, and her ears had become long and pointed. He remembered her being afraid of anyone touching her, but now she stepped in front of him, and placed long slender fingers on his cheeks, before leaning in to touch her forehead to his. When she opened her mouth, she didn't speak, so much as she sang.

I greet you as a friend, here among the stars.

Share with me the light they shine.

Share with me the songs they sing.

Then she let out a laugh of almost childlike delight, and literally tumbled away from him, before coming to rest on the floor near Ben, calmly sitting cross legged.

"Yeah, she's...she's like that, now." Ben grumbled, eyeing the smiling woman seated on the floor beside him. "Not sure it's an improvement to be honest. But from what the blobby guys tell me, that's actually her natural state, like this is mine. What about you?"

"I..." Gregory said looking from Penny to Ben in confusion. "I mean, I-I just started seeing things." He glanced at the other side of the room, where a strange pufferfish-like like spectre was floating by. "Like right there, I see--"

As he extended his hand towards the thing, an inexplicable gout of flame leaped from his fingers towards the space-pufferish-ghost, and set a nearby decorative plant ablaze.

"Shit!" Gregory cried.

"Ah," said the blob, as a nozzle extended from the ceiling and sprayed out a jet of gas that smothered the fire. "It appears you have recovered your species' ability to modulate local quantum fields. Please refrain from doing so while on board, as it may interfere with our vessel's systems."

"Well," said Ben, soberly. "That's a helluva thing." Penny simply clapped excitedly.

"Sorry." Gregory said, his mouth suddenly dry. He glanced around nervously. "Where...uh...where's Dwayne?"

"He should be along shortly," the blob assured him. "In fact--"

One of the wall panels slid aside, and an immense shape ducked down low and squeezed through the opening into the room. As it straightened, all three of the abductees gaped up at it in amazement. It wore the ragged remnants of Dwayne's clothing, but stood almost ten feet tall, despite still being partially hunched over. Looking down at them, it blinked its dark, beady eyes, and then its face split open in a wide grin.

"Hey y'all." Dwayne rumbled. "Or, uh...'fee-fi-fo-fum', I guess."

Segment taken from galactic hearing 345-989-Terra3

Subject: Induction of 4 new members to galactic parliament sector 4.

Translation: Human English

Briefing given to all participants:

It is stated in galactic law section delta 9 that all sentient species capable of space travel are given 1 seat at parliament. However after further research into terra 4 known to inhabitants as "earth" 4 seats have been offered. This meeting is to settle why 4 seats where offered whilst smoothing over any confusion homo sapiens class humans have over the situation.

The following extract has been taken from the meeting underlining the main subject of conference.

​

"What do you mean 4 seats. I could understand 2 but not 4" The human known as Sci stammered.

It was at 08:43, mere seconds after Sci's statement did a figure materialise out of shadows stumbling while putting on a tie.

Void hoppers - Notoriously late for everything

"I agree with whatever he said" The figure stammered pointing at Sci. "Void hopper designation code 873532 title Cards, my apologies for my tardiness but me and ties have never gotten along."

The court room as silent. Many had never seen such a pathetic excuse for a nightmare before.

"As I was stating I can understand why terra 3 would get 2 seats but why 4?" The human resumed speaking as they stifled a chuckle.

"We are still await the appearance of 2 other beings. Does anyone have any idea where they are" High councillor Stella spoke just above a whisper to the crowed.

​

"There was a bit of a situation getting them across to the mortal plain." Another member of the council spoke.

>!"I am right here you imbecilic galactic guppies"!<

Stella sighed as she glanced across the room. "Did someone FORGET to turn on the translator again?"

A common occurrence in the court. For all our technological advancements we have never been good at remembering to actually turn on the damn things.

"As I was saying I am right here" A voice echoed from a chair in the corner. "Dr A.R. McGonnell the local dead scientist present and not accounted for." A thick layer of sarcasm rested on each word.

"We are sorry for that Doctor, you wouldn't happen to know where the last member of your group is would you?" Stella apologised in a nervous tone.

Never wise to anger a ghost.

&#x200B;

"She is on her way, just had a few things to put in order" The chair shifted as he spoke. "She said not to wait up."

&#x200B;

"I'm sorry but who is speaking and who is she" Sci stammered.

"The ghost on the chair my dear friend. I presume she is referring to death - add least deaths publicity officer" Card whispered patting his friend on the back reassuringly.

Humans - oblivious to most things around them

&#x200B;

"No publicity officer today just me, sorry for being late we are rushed of our feat with the recent interstellar wars. So many deaths due to suffocation." A tall slightly scruffy girl said as she walked in holding a costa coffee in one hand and a burrito in the other. "Plus I had to get some breakfast."

&#x200B;

"Not at all now we can begin".

The proceeds simply meant each party had to sign there names on many documents. It was rather comedic to watch Sci interact with death herself and a ghost for a scientist. I wonder how humans go on oblivious to all these thing around them. Never the less the reminder of the meeting was fruitful. We just don't quite know how to explain a 5 chair for terra 3 has to be added. Apparently we forgot the dolphins.

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

(not my best work but I hope you enjoy it all the same :) I decided to make use of characters I have used in previous WPs. I hope you have a good day)

Bureaucracy is normally quite the drag, especially when it comes to just trying to keep things together. This especially turns out to be the case when someone new decides to join our ranks. Recently, the Universal Titans got word that humans were looking to join in on the Titanic Compact. I never thought I'd see the day where they'd finally reach any of us, and apparently, neither did any of the other Titans. It was a shock to our usual system, but how we were going to induct them shocked many more.

I was simply taking care of business in my office like usual when Gerrok, the head of the Eldian delegation, stormed into the room, practically blasting the door off its hinges. "What in all creation's name is this?!?" He held up the copy of the drafted proposal about the Terrans being inducted in, pointing at one line in particular with his veined, trembling hand.

Under normal circumstances, all delegations who come to serve in the Titans' Consortium are allowed a single representative. The resolution, however, specified that Terrans will be getting four. For rather understandable reasons, it caused an uproar among the delegates, but for the sake of decorum, the motion was brought forth for consideration anyway. It appears, however, that there are some much more willing to confront me on this matter privately.

I turn to my intruder with a face dripping with exasperation. "That's the draft of the induction of the Terrans. And yes, I know what part you're pointing out. It made it through the initial legislation phase and is now up for a vote, so there's nothing you can do to change that." I was used to getting complaints from many of the over 300 delegates, but Gerrok was perhaps the most belligerent of any of them. I hear from his homeworld no less than once every two weeks with some new tedium to have to address, and now he decides to waste my time with this...

No sooner do I get the word out of my mouth does he slam his hand into my desk. "I know that! Why are they getting four seats?!? No one else gets that many!" His voice was dripping with venom; of all the delegates, he's probably the most hostile to any government other than his own.

"They get those seats because that's what the drafters thought would be best for the Compact. Now either give me a complaint I can actually act on, or-"

He smashes his other hand into my desk, cutting me off. "Don't give me that! Sonaron is one of the founding members of the Titanic Compact, and you are its leader! You were one of the people who wrote that bloody compact, so I want to know why the hell you let those unpredictable lunatics into-"

This time I'm the one to cut him off. "Because we need them, you imbecile." I wasn't one to insult, but it usually got me a word in edgewise when I needed to do it. "The Titans' Consortium has grown stale and complacent with its place in the cosmos. We're all used to being the strongest powers we know. You ask why I would let someone so unpredictable into the Consortium? It's because they're unpredictable. We need someone like them to keep us on our toes, and the more of them there are, the more we'll need to account for. Their much shorter lifespans give them a perspective we will never have. After all, how much would you try to do if you knew you only had 80 years to live instead of 80 thousand? Besides... you would do well to remember exactly what my heritage is."

He was stunned into silence. It's an oft forgotten fact, but I myself am human, or at least I used to be. I couldn't help but rub it in just a bit. "That's what I thought. Now as I said before: give me a complaint I can act on, or get out."

The only thing I could hear from him was a string of Eldian curses as he tromped out of my office. He may not have wanted to admit it, but I could tell he knew I was right.

And with him dealt with, all I need to do is figure out the Terran delegates to appoint...

"Upon observation of Humans, the Galactic Senate recognized how harsh they had treated each other. It came to a conclusion that one senator would not be representative since humans faced different problems. It stratified humans according to four races: Caucasian, Africana, Asian, and Astraloid. Each group was given a senator." He explained. One woman from the crowd raised her hand, after which se said, "Doesn't that reaffirm the discriminatory racial divisions?" To which, Alfred responded, "Which one will be more racially divisive, four senators representative of all races or one senator representing a single one. Look at our past. The United States had 76 presidents and only 2 were African, only 5 were Asian, and only Alexandria was female and Hispanic. What reassures us that we can act more representative when it comes to affairs of our entire species." The woman continued with her complaint, "One would be better because it will challenge us to act right. If Senators are awarded to intelligent life, then 4 senators to represent four races will mean races represent different satient lives."

"Wait. According to this, all other galactic civilisations get one senator. But it says you've given us four?"

Verity.

"Veri... wha. Oh. That means yes I guess."

Verity.

"Okay. So. Why?"

Humans are extremely short lived and as a consequence, naturally short sighted.

"Soooo ... if we're that short sighted, why give us four votes."

Error. You get one vote. Decided collectively between your representatives anonymously.

"Wait. Wha ... You mean we collectively get one vote? Secretly? So what? Majority wins?"

Error. The vote must be unanimous.

"Oh that is such bull shit. You expect four humans to exactly agree for our vote to count?"

Clarification. Not initially. Our sociologists predict that it will take a few disastrous votes before you start considering each other's beliefs, desires and fears, but the end result should be beneficial to your species.

"Ohhh, this is such bull shit."

Clarification. The representatives will be primarily decided by age ... to represent the full experience of human lives. One 10 year old, one 30 year old, one 50 year old and one 70 year old. When the Eldest dies, a new Youngest will be selected. This should eventually encourage a good balance between immediate needs and future aspirations. You have been selected as the first Young Elder.

"YOU EXPECT ME TO SHARE EXECUTIVE POWER WITH A TEENAGER?"

Clarity. Not initially, no.

"Damnit. I know the Youngest and the Eldest are going to gang up on me."

“In today’s parliamentary vote, we will decide the fate of the mineral asteroid CXI-458.” Announced Krang, the chief councillor of the galactic council.

“As you may recall from the last sitting, it was announced that the uninhabited asteroid called CXI-458 contained vast deposits of qultanium. The unified mineral that is uniquely present in all of our planet structures.

Discovered by the humans on planet earth” Krang continued, “it holds the key to unlimited energy, life saving medicines, and the ability to power our rocket ships around the galaxy.”

The auditorium hummed with conversation as each of the senators discussed the many benefits the qultanium would bring their planets.

“Now before you vote, remember. The options you are voting for are to distribute the contents of this mineral asteroid amongst all parties, or to limit it to the realm that found it, which would be Earth.”

The displays in front of each of the representatives sparked to life. Two buttons glowed on the screen, beckoning each representative to cast their vote.

As the buttons were pressed, the numbers tallied upwards, 300 for the distribution to all, 200 for Earth. With 1,000 representatives elected to the council, it was expected to fall on the side of distributing the minerals to all. Those that had cast their vote that way were excited for what the future would bring.

The final numbers clicked in and it settled on 500 a piece!

“Its… its… its a tie” Krang stammered. Never in the history of the council had there been a draw.

Gasps rang out around the auditorium and bickering ensued. Representatives were accusing each other of changing their vote, of aligning with the other side.

“Order! Order!” Krang demanded as he smashed his gavel on the lectern.

The members fell silent as the head of the intergalactic council called the representatives to order.

“I will consult the constitution now as to how we proceed”.

A snigger emanated from the back.

“Order!” Krang shouted.

The snigger turned into a laugh.

“Identify yourself!” Krang continued.

The laughter continued, bellowing even, a southern drawl hidden amongst the deep breaths.

“State your business!” Krang said, the frustration building in his tone.

“Hahahahaha when will you ever learn. Never trust an earthling!

We have the win here. I’m invoking the Texan split!” Abbott, earth’s representative said with glee.”

“There’s no Texan split!” Krang retorted.

“Go on, consult your constitution! But make sure you take note of subsection twenty, paragraph five, section C”

Krang desperately scrolled his council documents. “Section 20, paragraph five, sec c” he mouthed as he reached the notes in the lengthy tome.

“The Texas split. As part of the admission of Earth into the galactic council, will be able to split their realm into 4 and elect additional repre…..” His voice trailed off, frustration turned to defeat as he finished the passage.

“That’s right councillor. We’re splitting. And with that we have the votes. The qultanium is ours!”

The auditorium filled with a cacophony of shouting and throwing of papers as representatives demanded a counter to this preposterous claim.

“Silence! We will have to reconvene” Krang shouted as he tried to calm the crowd.

“Hahahaha, the votes are immaterial Krang!” Abbott bellowed.

“You forgot the second rule. Nobody messes with Texas!” Abbott smashed his hand down on a button concealed in his pod.

Doors flung up around the auditorium as men stormed the aisles. Men with phasers and golden texan stars emblazoned on their fatigues.

“I’m seven generations of Abbott, Krang!

My forefathers have concurred states, countries, and even the planet!

And now we’re here to conquer you!”

“This, this, this is a coup?” Krang stammered…

“Hahahaha yes it is. This is no longer the galactic council! You are all now enslaved to the people of Earth!

The beings of Centro 14 will be mining the asteroid, Apex 9 will be processing the minerals” Abbott continued as he threw fingers at each of the representatives.

“Guards, take these leaders to my ship!” He said as he whipped his cape around his shoulders and left the auditorium, the rest of the councillors lay paralysed by the hostile take over. “Never trust an Earthling” he boomed, his laughter echoing down the hall.

Welcome to the Prompt! All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.

Reminders:

>* No AI-generated reponses &#129302; >* Stories 100 words+. Poems 30+ but include "[Poem]" >* Responses don't have to fulfill every detail >* [RF] and [SP] for stricter titles >* Be civil in any feedback and follow the rules

&#127381; New Here? &#9999; Writing Help? &#128226; News &#128172; Discord

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[removed]

[removed]

[removed]

[removed]

[removed]

[removed]

[removed]