"Here ya go. You ordered the number 3 with a Coke, right?"

The driver looked annoyed when he replied, "You mean a Diet Coke, right?"

"Oh, you're right, that is a Diet."

About that time, screams erupted from behind the drive-thru-guy. He turned to the driver of the car and said, "You need to go. Something bad's happening in the dining room. Call the cops, okay?"

As the driver sped off, Michael ripped off his apron and sped to the dining room. He stopped in his tracks when he came around the corner. Standing in the middle of the dining room was an 8 foot tall fiery demon. There was liquid fire running from his mouth, and he looked like he was about to put the kids in the ball pit on the lunch menu.

Michael yelled out, "Beelzebub, is that you?"

Beelzebub spun around and asked, "Michael, is that you? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Well, say what you want, but Heaven gets boring. Forever is a long time! Every millenia or so, I take a vacation here. And let me tell you, Jesus is not the guy you remember. He used to be so chill, but ever since the crucifixion, he's a different guy. Always so serious. But, what about you? This isn't your style."

"Mike, some total dumb ass used a summoning spell to force me to come here and kill the Manager, and anybody else here."

"Yeah I have to say I get it. The manager's an asshole. But I have a plan for him."

"Michael you know the rules. I don't kill all these assholes, and I can't go home."

"Bub let me fix it for ya."

The demon paused, shook his head, and there were tears turning to steam as they tracked down his face, "You'd do that for me?"

"Bub... buddy, how long we known each other? Of course I would. Just don't eat anybody."

Michael gestured toward a table that wasn't on fire and said, "I'm going in the kitchen and making us some food. We need to catch up. It feels like forever since The Fall."

Beelzebub turned to the screaming people and said, "That is the nicest angel you'll ever meet. Real down to earth that one."

Edited: Writing on your cell phone at midnight leaves a little to be desired.

I read this after I wrote it, and it's SO cringeworthy that I had to share it.

Leaning in for a kiss, he stops just short of the mark.

"Girl, if you don't understand what that crap is doing inside you, think about what it's doing outside. Your breath is terrible, your hair smells, even your clothes stink."

Gasping she responds, "I just brushed my teeth!"

"Well I'm thinking that didn't work. Seriously, I really like you, but this is too much. I guess it doesn't matter to you, but I can't deal with it."

"Are you," she paused mid-sentence then restarted, "Are you breaking up with me? Is that what you're saying? Is it that important to you?"

"You're disrespecting yourself, and if you don't care about you, then why should i? We talked about this before. You are free to do what you please, just maybe not with me."

"Okay, I'll just stop. I won't do it anymore!"

He pauses for a moment, a surprised look on his face. "You would seriously do that this time?"

Stuttering she replied, "Well, well, I would if it's that important to you."

"You know you said this before, right? Right? It really needs to be important to you, and for you."

"Yes I know. I guess I didn't really understand it until now. Please... I promise."

She opens the tiny clutch slung crossways across her body, and removes the remainder of her cigarette pack. Holding it out to him she says, "I'm done with these. How about we walk across to the drug store and I can buy some gum?"

Smiling he replies, "That's a pretty good start!"