chacham2

chacham2 OP t1_jd9ae3l wrote

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chacham2 OP t1_jd92kf9 wrote

Thank you.

I like the approach in your story. I'd prefer elaboration instead of a story with a surprise sacrifice, where we don't even get to see the result. To me, this is kind of an outline. A good outline though. Thank you for the story!

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chacham2 OP t1_jd4g0rr wrote

I read it to my wife last night (the first post) and we both kind of lost interest. The idea and interaction was nice, blowing away clouds, and having someone that close and dear. But, in the middle we couldn't tell 100% what was going on. Also, not sure if this means anything, but when i was reading it aloud, it didn't flow 100%.

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chacham2 OP t1_jd41y9r wrote

So, the original idea was one second. I switched it to one minute so he could get that long, especially with earlier generations. Ion any case, a story with either one would make me just as happy. :)

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chacham2 OP t1_jd3y1pg wrote

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chacham2 OP t1_jd2xe6j wrote

The setting and interaction between the characters was beautiful.

Critique? I'm not a big fan of the style, i didn't find the story itself to be that interesting, and i didn't like the mildly crude word in the first of your three posts. But i have to repeat: The setting and interaction between the characters was beautiful.

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